I thank Allah for the life You chose for me

In life we have a choice. Give me a reason and not a choice for i might repeat the mistakes.LOL! Last weekend, my very own best friend throw a remark just as she saw my face. She said,"I saw the pic of u and your sis drinking the watermelon juice...do you know that your sister look so much beautiful than you..and she went on and on". I have a choice either to feel sore about it or to just brush it aside. So I said to her.."Yes I know..and that's why everyone always asked me why can't I be like my sister..and I just want people to know that I can't and I won't because I am one and there can never be a duplication of me and so is my sister".
Hehehehe and I'm proud being me ELINA ARIFFIN born on Sunday morning on the 30th March 1970 just before dawn.Paul always tell me that I should feel good about myself. 2009 is gonna be a better year for me because Allah has sent me a friend, Paul who always make me realised how special I am.LOL! now I sound a lil bit vain huh?
Just before the new year, I sat and and had a long thought about the life I have. Even though I have gone through so much and still going through a hard life..but I kinda like it and I know Allah has chosen the best life just for ELINA ARIFFIN and that I am so bless.
I mean what more do I need? I have my 2 precious kids, I have my wonderful funny and crazy family, I have my crazy pantry friends at work(they are simply the best..ooppsss they deserve to have their names mention here: Zuriani, Sherry Mambo, Azlan Bapak Ayam, PakTeh,Rosli, Kak Neng Mami,Sammy Boy and a few more)



I have a career, a nice boss whom I report directly to(oh he too deserves to have his name mentioned here..the credit goes to my lovely boss En Azli Paat the bumiputera genius), I have a comfortable shelter for me, my dad and my 2 kids to stay happily and also another group of good friends that I hang out with most of my time.
Yes I have no boyfriend now and I do at times(which is rare la!) wish I have someone to call my own but I guess I never have luck with relationship so why do I need to worry over something which is not really gonna bring me happiness. And now that I'm on my own, I get to be me ELINA ARIFFIN. So for all the above mentioned..I truly thank Allah for giving me the life I have and I truly love you my Creator, My Best Friend of the Universe, my Provider and my Guardian. Allahu Akhbar!

The Light Og Guidance

I was coming back from a long journey, and Allaah decreed that my seat in the airplane should be beside a group of carefree young men whose loud laughter and voices were too much, and the air was filled with clouds of smoke from their cigarettes. By the wisdom of Allaah, the plane was completely full and I could not change my seat.
I tried to escape from the problem by sleeping, but it was impossible… When I got fed up of their noise, I took out my Mus-haf (copy of the Qur’aan), and started to read what I could of the Qur’aan in a soft voice. Soon after that these young men started to quieten down. Some of them started to read newspapers, and some of them fell asleep.
Suddenly one of them said in a loud voice, even though he was sitting right next to me, “Enough! Enough!”
I thought that I had disturbed him because my voice was too loud, so I apologized to him and carried on reading in a whisper that only I could hear. I saw him holding his head in his hands, then fidgeting in his seat, moving a lot. Then he raised his head and said to me angrily, “Please, stop it, I can’t stand it!!”
Then he got up from his seat and went away for a while, then he came back, greeted me with salaams, and apologized. He fell silent, and I did not know what was going on. But after a while he turned to me with his eyes full of tears and said to me in a whisper, "For three years or more I have not put my forehead on the ground, and I have not read even one aayah!
For a whole month I have been on this trip, and there is no evil action that I did not indulge in. Then I saw you reading Qur’aan, and my world turned black and my heart was filled with despair. I felt as if someone was strangling me… I felt every aayah that you read coming down on my body like a whip.
I said to myself, for how long will this negligence go on? Where will this path lead you? What will happen after all this foolish play? Then I went to the washroom, do you know why?
I had the strong urge to weep, and I could not find anywhere else to hide from the people’s sight!”
I spoke to him in general terms about tawbah (repentance) and turning back to Allaah, then he fell silent.
When the plane landed, he stopped me, and it seemed that he wanted to keep away from his companions. He asked me, with a serious expression on his face, “Do you think that Allaah will accept my repentance?” I said, “If you are sincere and serious in your repentance, then Allaah will forgive all your sins.”
He said, “But I have done terrible things, very terrible.”
I said, “Have you not heard what Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
‘Say: O ‘Ibaadi (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allaah, verily, Allaah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful’ [al-Zumar 39:53]?”
I saw him smiling with joy, with his eyes filled with tears, then he bade me farewell and left. Subhaan Allaah al-‘Azeem!
No matter how great a man's evil and sin, in his heart there is a seed of goodness. If only we can reach it and make it grow, it will bear fruit, insha'Allaah.
This seed of goodness is always fighting in man's heart, even when it is covered by layers of whims and desires. When Allaah wills good for His slave, He causes the light of guidance to shine in his heart and guides him to the path of those who are guided. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And whomsoever Allaah wills to guide, He opens his breast to Islam; and whomsoever He wills to send astray, He makes his breast closed and constricted, as if he is climbing up to the sky” [al-An’aam 6:125]

Always

Their marriage was good, their dreams focused. Their best friends lived barely a wave away. I can see them now, Dad in trousers, work shirt and a hat; and Mom in a house dress, lawn mower in one hand, and dish-towel in the other. It was the time for fixing things: a curtain rod, the kitchen radio, screen door, the oven door, the hem in a dress. Things we keep.
It was a way of life, and sometimes it made me crazy. All that re-fixing, re-heating leftovers, renewing; I wanted just once to be wasteful. Waste meant affluence. Throwing things away meant you knew there'd always be more.
But when my mother died, and I was standing in that clear morning light in the warmth of the hospital room, I was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn't any more.
Sometimes, what we care about most gets all used up and goes away...never to return. So... While we have it, it's best we love it... And care for it... And fix it when it's broken.... And heal it when it's sick.
This is true: For marriage... And old cars.... And children with bad report cards... Dogs and cats with bad hips... And aging parents... And grandparents. We keep them because they are worth it, because we are worth it. Some things we keep, like a best friend that moved away or a classmate we grew up with.
There are just some things that make life important,
like people we know who are special... And so, we keep them close!

Oh Allah! Give me the strength....

THe whole last week of January I was away from work. When I came back to work, the 2 from my department,Yuslan and Amir acted strangely. The moment i sat at my cubicle, Yuslan started asking Amir about fitnah. Saying things like "What happen to people who slander others?" I didn't feel anything at first because I never thought it was meant for me because as far as I'm concerned never have I ever slandered anyone in my whole entire life. But they repeated the same issue the whole day with a loud voice.
The next day again when I sat at my place they both said something that relate to slandering. I told myself as long as my conscious tells me that i have not done it, why should I let this thing bug me.
2 weeks has passed by and everyday I've been listening to their crap. They always feel that they are religious and that I am the ultimate bitch. They have always have this feeling of envy towards me and the other girl. They will try their best to demoralized me but Yuslan forgot that it's been 4 years since I worked here and have always been very independent and never asked for anyone's help.
Oh Allah, You are my guidance and my Light at the end of the darkest night. Give me the strength to go through all the lies and betrayal people have put upon me. For You are the Judge to whatever that happen in this world.
I will leave my life in YOur Hand of Mercy. I believe in You oh Allah and I know You have Your own reasons for these to happen to me. Like what You said:
ALLAH GIVES THE VERY BEST TO THOSE WHO LEAVES THE CHOICE TO HIM.

Once there was a man who asked God for flower and a butterfly.But instead God gave him a cactus and a caterpillar.The man was sad and didn't understand why his request was mistaken.Then he thought...Oh well, God has too many people to care for and decided not to question.After sometime, the man went to check up on his request that he had left forgotten.To his surprise, from a thorny and ugly cactus,a beautiful flower has grown.And the unsightly caterpillar has transformed into the most beautiful butterfly.
God always does things RIGHT!. His ways is always the BEST way, even to us seems all wrong. If you asked God one thing and received another..TRUST. YOu can be sure that He will always give you what you need at a appropriate time.What you want is not what you always need.God never fails to grant our petitions. So keep on going for Him without doubting and murmuring.
TODAY'S THORN IS TOMORROW'S FLOWER. GOD GIVES THE BEST TO THOSE WHO LEAVES THE CHOICES UP TO HIM.
perasaan ini apa namanya
ku takut untuk menyebut apa namanya

bukan karena ku takut salah
tetapi ku takut benar apa yang kurasa

pedih yang menghujam di sanubariku
hancurkan keyakinan yang menjadi kekuatanku

aku jatuh lagi sekali lagi jatuh
untuk sekian kali namun kali ini ku galau

bukan karena ku takut salah
tetapi ku takut benar apa yang kurasa

aku jatuh lagi sekali lagi jatuh
untuk sekian kali namun kali ini ku galau

pedih yang menghujam di sanubariku
hancurkan keyakinan yang menjadi kekuatanku

aku jatuh lagi sekali lagi jatuh
untuk sekian kali namun kali ini aku galau

galau…

Galau - Titi Dj

LIfe is too short, Make a Memory

In today's paper, you will find the story of the Frechette-Fletcher family. Two beautiful children suffering from a terminal illness, and the lengths their parents and family go to to make the time they have joyful and happy.
It's funny how easily we forget to be grateful for those closest to us.
It puts a lot of things in perspective.

The ridiculous arguments that can escalate to outrageous proportions -- beds that go unmade, wet towels left on the floor, who forgot to put the garbage out -- all seem hardly worth the energy.
Although it looks great as a calendar quote, it really isn't easy to live each day as though it were the last. To remember to be thankful for what we have while we can.
I hate the idea that we can only truly appreciate something, or someone, until they're gone.
It is so easy to take loved ones for granted, particularly when they are here.
And what a shame to appreciate someone only when it's too late.

I can't imagine a price I wouldn't pay to spend a few more minutes with my mother, who died in 1996.In the real world, I'm not going to stop being upset about the unmade beds or wet towels on the floor, and arguments about homework or thank you notes will be back quickly.But sometimes it's good to be reminded to take a deep breath and remember, not only those in our memories, but those we're making memories about today.

My Best Buddies...What will I do without Them

To my Ex Husband...Please move On

Dear Rizal

August 27th 1996, we met through our friends Fuad and Azlina(your ex Boss) and 3 months after the first call you made, we decided to meet. You were adorable and young, understanding and loving. You were the first guy I met that never once miss his prayer and always willing to hear what I have to say about religion.
Three years we were courting and finally we decided to tie the knots even though at that time I my feelings for you started to fade as I learned your true colour and about the witch mother of yours. 2005, things got so bad and I decided to ask for the divorce. YOu let me go without a proper document telling me I need to change the ownership of the car I bought for my dad and also to pay back the supplementary credit card which I did. And you told me that there was something else that I need to do to get my legal document. That is to changed the ownership of my sister's car which was under your name. It took me 4 years to look for money to refinance the car when suddenly you told me that you will take the car and sell. True owner of the car was my sister though she only used your name. Now you have taken the care and still you have not given me the legal document for my divorce.
I have only Allah to help me now and what you are doing is really wrong in the eyes of Allah and how I wish you would just move on after the break ups. It will only make u become a bitter man. And here is what I have to say to you on breaking up and divorce
Breakup or divorce (especially one you didn't want) can be excruciating!
The trouble for many people after their breakup or divorce is that this pain can be so unbearable that without realizing it, they unknowingly do some things that are counter-productive to healing their pain. They actually stay stuck in that pain, sometimes forever.
Sometimes, even when you think that you have dealt with the pain of the breakup or divorce and put your past relationship behind you, there's still more healing work to be done. You just didn't realize it.
Sometimes, you'll hear a song on the radio or one might pop into your head that reminds you of a certain time and person that you were with.
Other times, someone will say or do something that reminds you of a past relationship and you realize that even though days, weeks, months or even years may have passed, there's still more healing to be done.
The Biggest Myth Of All About What It Takes To
Heal After a Relationship Break up or Divorce...
Nearly every one we've ever talked to after a break up or divorce has said that the most important factor in the healing process is time.
While we agree that time passing is important in the healing process, it's not the only factor that is important (as some people believe it is).
If time passing is the only thing that needs to happen in order for us to heal our pain and broken heart, then all we would need to do is let a certain amount of time pass and poof- just like magic- our pain would be gone and our hearts healed.
Unfortunately, this isn't the way the healing process works. It isn't just the time that's important. It's what we do with that time that determines whether we heal our hearts or not.
If time passing was the most important factor in healing after a breakup or divorce, then it would be like having a baby--a certain period of time passes and we get a desired result. In the case of the pregnant woman, if all goes well, about 9 months later, out comes a new baby boy or girl.
If it worked the same way in healing after a break up, a certain amount of time would pass and "presto" our heart would magically be healed and we would then be able to go into any new relationship with anyone in the future without any baggage from our past.
If this were the way it really was, it would be great. But the truth is that we all know people who've experienced a relationship break up or divorce and many months or years later, they are still angry, bitter and holding onto the pain of that past relationship.
If you ever hope to heal your heart and find the courage to truly open yourself up to love again, you're going to have to do some things besides simply letting time pass.But what should you do besides let time pass in order to heal your heart and truly get over your break up or divorce?

FORGIVE ME..

Slept at 6am this morning but woke up at 7.30am. Just couldn't sleep thinking how much I must have hurt his feeling when I told him that our relationship is finally over. I still remember his look last night when he told me he doesn't want to lose me and he had his tears streaming.
I feel so shitty for hurting him. I know how much he loves me but I also know that there is no happy ending to our relationship because he is married. I love him so much but I can never hurt another woman by loving her husband.
I know Allah is testing me.
The whole night after I sent him back, I couldn't stop thinking how much I've hurt him. But i had to do what I did last night.As I'm writing this, my heart is feeling really sad. I have never in my entire life, INTENTIONALLY hurt anyone. UNINTENTIONALLY perhaps as I'm only human being. Sayang, please forgive me. I have to let you go despite the love I have for you was and is always true and sincere and I will always love you.
I know someday, you will be okay. Once you return back to your country to be with your wife and kids, things will be ok. I'm doing this for the best of every party. PLEASE FORGIVE ME MY SWEETHEART..FORGIVE ME

Its finally Over...

27th January 2009, finally my relationship with him is over. I have to make this decision not base on my heart but this time I'm using my brain. I have to put my heart aside this time when making the decision to end my relationship of 1 year 3 months.
I have thought about it the past 4-5 months and finally I managed to pull myself together and said to him what I had to say. Though this is the first time I fell in love with a guy( never in my life i fell in love), I have to make this decision to end our relationship.
Its the best decision i had to make. 5 months ago I found out that he is married and I was devastated and i felt like my whole world collapsed but then I realised that I have 2 beautiful angels that love me sooooo much and wants me to be happy. They need their mom to be happy and that is what I will be for them. I want to be happy myself. Only by being happy will I be able to make others happy and God says He will only helps those who help themselves.
One thing Im glad is that after this Im not gonna allow any men to hurt my feelings anymore. No more crying for MEN. I deserve the happiness. Its been too long I forgot who Elina is.

TO MAM

To MAM, Im sorry for the things that happened and worst of all, my actions. Just want you to know that I will be here for you always. As your best friend, your sister and your shoulder to cry on. ALWAYS. Thank you for always being there for me during the times I needed a shoulder to cry on. Take care. Your forever loving sister...The Gypsy Bride

I Forgave u but I can never trust you again

Yesterday I was pretty upset with one of my closest friend. What she did was undespicable and unforgivable. This is not the first time she did this to me but basically ever since the time i knew her. When I first knew her, before I actually met her in person, she has done the same thing with my ex boyfriend which our relationship at that point of time were already hit the bottom rock.
Last night, I was so hurt with what she did. My mind were racing all night asking to many questions. Questions like how could she? why did she? What did i do to her? Why me? She just had to do it, at the time I am breaking up with my boyfriend.
But again, after a long thought about it, I think even though she is one of the closest friend i have, she is just a bitter person or perhaps, she is just miserable and maybe just maybe..I am spacial after all.
Anger is a wasted emotion.
Too much energy, too much effort spent on a negative feeling that gets you no closer to being happy than the original catalyst that caused it. Many more worthwhile pursuits exist than to than to sit around seething in anger.
Anger at past happenings are better off being let go. The past cannot be changed, better to look toward the future. Anger at people can be distilled into two categories. People you care about and people you don't. The latter should simply be dismissed. Being mad at this person only serves to make you unhappy. It can never have a better resolution. Again just let it go. In the other case, it is much better to try and understand why the person did what was they did that made you mad. This is a much quicker path to resolution than fuming over what could be little more than a misunderstanding.
Living life, is about finding happiness. It really is just too short to waste precious time on being angry. There is too much to be done, and so little time to do it in.
To this friend of mine, its sad that even though you are one of my closest friend, the trust is no more there. I can never share my secrets not just my darkest secret but even the smallest secret.They said it takes years to build up trust in a person but it only takes seconds to lose trust in a person.
Things happen by decision, whether its right or not is secondary. We never know till we decide. I have made few major decisions in the past month or so.

You're supposed to be my best friend..how could you betrayed me

We went through hell and high water together not to mention a year of many other life changing events. So what did I miss? How is it that the dear friend that I knew and loved turned out to be a cold hearted, gutter sniping, back stabbing low life from hell? All the signals were there and I chose to ignore them. Did I slump on my bobbing and weaving skills?
So, the deed is done. Now you know. The friend whom I thought was your best friend, my road dog, my true blue, has shown her true colors leaving you standing looking stupid, hurt and betrayed in his or her dust. Now what? Once you go through the initial hurt, pain, suffering and all the other emotions that come with being deceived, it dawns on me that you have a decision to make.
This is not the first time my best friend has made me look stupid and this time even worst, you made feel like a fool and embarrassed me to someone I'm close to. I trusted you with my darkest secret and my soul.
How could you do this to me. How could you tell him things that made him confused about me? I know you are gonna tell me that it's not your intention to hurt me. I would do anything for you. You have severely buried me in the sand. I wish i know what I did wrong to you. Now I can't even face him after what you have told him.Damn!
What I really need now is a brown paper bag to cover my whole entire head.
I can never see him again ever after what you did to me. I know he said its ok, forget about the whole issues, but the damage has been done.
There we were, just standing with the crowd,we were the closest of friends laughing so loud.And as time went on, I started trusting you more and more. I told you things that I hadn't told anyone before. I opened up to you, I gave you my heart and you have the heart to turn around and tear it apart.And you think I don't know what you are saying brhind my back? but you really want me to be happy, you must pay the price.I realized that you're the one who ruined my life and continue make it worst.How can you be heartless? How coulllllllld you?????

If Only u know How Much you have hurt me and still hurt me

This song is how i once felt for the man i thought was my soul mate gives me tingles every time i listen to it.........A cry of correct pain, but you can be understood and to accept. Especially if something beautiful is found. It doesn't need to escape, it doesn't serve, it, doesn't help.....
" Sometimes I wish I never met you, So I could say goodbye to all my pain.
We've had a good relationship,Why would you want to turn it around?I sit up at night and always cry,Wondering where you are wishing you were holding me tight.And when you lied to me and I forgave,I trusted and I believed in you.
Then one day, it happened again.How could you hurt me so?I love you so much it hurts Sometimes,Wishing I could go back.Back to the day that we first met,To skip my regret.I'm sorry for all that I've done,but two wrongs don't make a right.
I wish we could start over,to do things right this time.Maybe then I won't wonder all the time,How could you hurt me so?Dear God! Why does it hurt so bad. Why do I have to have this feelings for you when you know from the very beginning you are gonna hurt me? Why did you have to tell me you love and and miss me all the time. You kept on lying to me. Meeting you soon will be my last goodbye to you. Thank you for all the time you gave me.

Once in A Lifetime

This was the song I listened to every time I was going for my flight. Those days, there wasn't anything like I POD or MP3. So every time on the way to the airport I would put on my Walkman (yes the one with the cassette not CD) I would put it on a repeat mode. I would listen to it again and again...
Yesterday while driving, I found an old CD and this song was in that CD. Teringat during those days. I miss those flying days and when mom was around..euuuwww! Gosh i miss it soooo much. So here is the song that really brings back memories..

EVERYDAY REMINDER FOR MYSELF

In all the world there is nobody, nobody like You.
Since the beginning of time there has never been another person like you. Nobody has your smile, your eyes, your hands, your hair. Nobody owns your handwriting, your voice. You're Special. Nobody can paint your brushstrokes. Nobody has your taste for food or music or dance or art. Nobody in the universe sees things as you do.
In all of time there has never been anyone who laughs exactly in your way and what makes you laugh or cry or think, may have a totally different response in another - so - you're Special.
You're different from any other person who has ever lived in the history of the Universe. You are the only one in the whole of creation who has your particular set of abilities. There is always someone who is better at one thing or another - every person will be your superior in one particular way, but no one person anywhere can reach the quality of the combination of your gifts, your talents, your feelings, your thoughts. Like a room full of musical instruments, some might excel in one way or another, but nobody can match the symphonic sound when all are played together - Your Symphony!
Through all eternity no one will ever walk, talk, think or do exactly like you. You're Special! You're rare and in all rarity there is enormous value and because of your great value, the need for you to imitate anyone else is absolutely unnecessary. You're Special and it is no accident that you are.
Please realise that God made you for a special purpose. He has a job for you to do that nobody else can do as well as you can. Out of the billions of applicants, only one is qualified. Only one has the unique and right combination of what it takes and that one is YOU.

The video below, I would like to dedicate it to a special person, who was there when i needed a shoulder to cry on. I hope you know who u are. Thank you for being there for me.
YOU'RE SPECIAL

Secret Admirer Love Letter

Dear Mr @#*&,

I'm writing this and leaving it where you'll find it. It's not that I wouldn't like you to know who your secret admirer is, it's just that I'm really, really shy. I'm also afraid that if I tell you who I am, you'll reject me or laugh at me. So for now, I'd just like to admire you from afar. Admiring you isn't hard to do. You're the most attractive man I know and no one in this planet earth can hold a candle to you.
You're the bright spot in my day, Mr @#*&. I think I could almost say that I love you. Yes! I will say it. But I'm still not brave enough to tell you. Maybe, after I've worked up the courage, I'll ask you out for a drink or a meal. We could meet at Mamak Stall and get to know each other over a long, leisurely dinner. Maybe if we were sitting across the table from each other, I wouldn't be so shy and would be able to tell you how I feel. And you could tell me all about your life -- your hopes, your dreams, your goals.
If we could meet, I'd be able to tell you all the things I love about you. I love the way you talk & joke even when other people don't laugh. I love the way the light shines on your brown hair and the way your clothes are always so funky. You're perfect and I'd love to be the lucky gal who wins your love. If only I had the courage to tell you how I feel.
Until then, I'll just have to stay,
Your Secret Admirer

When A girl....

Advice for guys.
When she acts shy - Say I Love You.
When she runs from you - Chase her.
When she puts her face near yours - Kiss her..
When she kicks and punches you - Hold her tight.

When she is silent - She's thinking of how to say I love you.
When she ignores you - She wants all you attention.
When she pulls away - Grab her by the waist and never let go.
When you see her at her worst - Tell her she's Beautiful.

When she screams at you - Tell you love her; But you have to mean it.
When you see her walking - Sneak up behind her and grab her by the waist.
When she's scared - Hold her and tell her everything will be okay cause she's with you.

When she looks like something is the matter - Kiss her and tell her not to worry.
When she holds your hand - Play with her fingers.
When she says she's cold - Move closer
When she walks away and looks in the distance - Walk up beside her and talk to her.

When she flirts with you - never turn her down or ignore her.
when its just you and her in the room - Ask her to stay a little longer.
Compliments, Compliments, Compliments!
Girls -

Nightmare at Universiti Malaya Medical Center That Made me into THE ULTIMATE BITCH

Today finally took my best friend Nini to the hospital.Fetch her, Asmah and Nini's 2 kids(Daryl & Juria)at around 3.30pm. Reached the hospital at around 4pm. As we reached there,during the registration, the lady at the counter told us that the system was down and that we may have to wait for about 4-5 hours before our turn.
Nini was in so much pain, and I have some cash but I don't think it was enough for us to go to private hospital. At around 4.30pm, her name was called. Thought..wow that was fast. They called her in just to take her weight, blood pressure and heart beat. continue waiting. While waiting as usual me became the clown just to entertain Nini (lol..though she can't laugh coz it will hurt her more)and especially Nini's 2 kids, Daryl and Juria.
Looking at the time..it was already 6pm. 2 hours have gone by and yet Nini's name was not called. What took them so long? The answer was "Oh the system was down since morning". I can see in Nini's face that she was in pain and i know the pain was unbearable. I kept on joking about every each patient that passed by. Just so that she can forget the pain. Guess it didn't work.
Hours passed by, my tummy was playing drum and God knows the song that was playing in my tummy sound something like this.." Im hungry..Im hungry..I need fooooooodddd"..LOL!
Took Juria and Daryl with me to the cafeteria to get some food for ourselves. Was telling myself, I need cigarette but there wasn't any shop that sells ciggi. Managed to cheer up the kids though..even though I'm such a lousy clown, I must say.
At 10.30pm (that was like what? 5 hours of waiting patiently) Nini was in so much pain that she couldn't sit nor stand. I decided to go into the Consultation ward to find out what took them sooooo long?
This is where the nightmare begin. Me standing there holding Nini who at that time couldn't stand the pain anymore. she could not stand up that I had to hold on to her body.Asked the nurse in a nice tone " Excuse me Nurse..how long more do we need to wait?" her reply was " Can you please wait as we don't have the blood test result".
And then I asked them " Can I at least put my friend on a bed as she cant stand nor sit down". None of the doctors or the nurse entertained my request. That really pissed me off. And my stupid ex husband had to call at that time..as usual he loves to order me around and that was it!
The situation became so intense that I blew my top. My first answer was to my ex hubby when he asked me "When Are you coming back? Have you bought ridhwan this and that" So my reply was " I don't know because the FUCKING DOCTORS and Nurses here doesn't seem to care if the patient live or die" and I hang up the phone.
When the nurses and the doctors acted as if we were invisible, that's when I shouted at them.
One of the doctor finally told me "Why don't u lay her down on one of the bed. I took Nini to one of the bed when suddenly the Staff Nurse had to shout and said "Please use the other bed as that one is meant for ECG room.
Wo! that was it. I had it. I shouted at her from where I was standing." Hello! would you treat your f*#king parents the way you treat your patient?..I don't give a shit as she is in so much pain"
Finally one young handsome doctor came. He gently asked me to put NIni on the other bed and he will do the checking on her. I guess he saw me blowing my top at the nurses and the other dactor...he was so gentle.
While he was doing the checking, here came the security guard telling me in a rude way.."Please only one person can wait with the patient, the rest has to wait outside" woopppss..wrong timing. I just turned my head to him and told him off.
He was speechless. He just didn't dare to say anything and left us there.
Finally we were attended by Doctor Osama.(Kinda cute, expatriate from middle east I reckon- yummy yummy)
Finally, Nini were move to an observation ward and I finally left her for the night(the time showed 12.30am) Oh no my report and proposals..!I have not finished them yet. I'm so gonna be dead. Oh what the heck! Im just gonna let it be...
Now the time show's 2.06am. Im too tired..better hit the sack. I will continue this journal tomorrow

You are my special friend, Paul Bonnett

Dear Paul,
I want to say you are my very special friend and it take a very special person to be as good friend as you.You let me be myself even if that means putting up with my moods,habits and silly quirks.You're there for me if I need to share my problems, if I want to share a laugh and you can sense when i need to be alone.
We agree on so many things and even when we don't, you always make an effort to see my side.
Thanks for being that special person you are......I feel lucky to have a good friend like you. So to Paul, u deserve a special place in my heart. And someday I know we will definitely meet in person. Luv you always Paul.

Not Only my Bestfriend but My Brother & My Sister

I love how people abuse the word friendship. Since I was in high school, the word meant anyone who you talked to and/or had your phone number. In other words, your clique. Friendship is more than just mere acquaintance and casual phone conversations. What I eventually found out is that is just talk. That's just what it is. By the time I reached contact. I lost contact with all those people. Most of would only have you back long enough to get what they needed and being that I was smart a lot of times that was the case with me. It got to the point where I didn't want to socialize, date, or hangout. I learned to figuratively hate every one I came in contact with. Meaning that in order even be considered an acquaintance you had to gain my trust (I'm still this way today). It's not that I consider everyone to be suspect, it's that I consider and value myself as a human being. There may actually be some nice people I pass up because we may not mesh. Yes, compatibility in friendship I said it. This doesn't mean that you like, admire, and adore the same. Wouldn't that be nice, but it's more you being the ying to his or her yang.
At this age, I have met friends that are very close to me and that I considered them as my bestfriend and I truly love them like my very own brothers and my sisters.
They have been there for me in times of trouble. Its not the financial support that I was seeking but the moral support they always endured when needed them.That was more than what money can buy. These are the friends that I considered and love like my very own brothers and sisters.