My Sentimental Comic Strip

Some people might not enjoy this comic strip but some of us truly know how to appreciate it...hehehe..every pickles comic strip that i posted here on my blog has a personal meaning only a few would understand.

A Korean Sad Love Stories

I have a boyfriend who grew up with me. His name is Jin. I always thought of him as a friend until last year, when we went to a trip from a club. I found that I fell in love with him. Before that trip was over, I took a step and confessed my love for him. And soon, we became a pair of lovers, but we loved each other in different ways. I always concentrated on him only, but by his side, there were so many other girls. To me, he was the only one, but to him, maybe I was just another girl…

“Jin, do you want to go watch a movie?” I asked.
“I can’t”
“Why? You need to study at home?” I felt disappointment grabbing me.
“No… I am going to meet a friend…”

He was always like that. He met girls in front of me, like it was nothing. To him, I was just a girlfriend. The word ‘love’ only came out from my mouth. Since I knew him, I had never heard him say ‘I love you’ before. To us, there weren’t any anniversaries at all. He didn’t say anything from the first day and it continued till 100 days…200days… Everyday, before we say goodbye, he would just hand me a doll, everyday, without fail. I don’t know why…

Then one day…

Me: Um, Jin, I …
Jin: What…don’t drag, just say..
Me: I love you.
Jin: ……you….um, just take this doll and go home.
That was how he ignored my ‘three words’ and handed me the doll. Then he disappeared, like he was running away. The dolls I received from him everyday, filled my room, one by one. There were many…
Then one day came, my 15th year old birthday. When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him, and stranded myself in my room, waiting for his call. But… lunch passed, dinner passed… and soon the sky was dark… he still didn’t call. It was already tiring to look at the phone anymore. Then around 2am in the morning, he suddenly called me and woke me from my sleep. He told me to come out of the house. Still, I felt joy and I ran out happily.
Me: Jin…

Jin: Here…take this…
Again, he handed me a little doll.
Me: What’s this?
Jin: I didn’t give it to you yesterday, so I am giving it to you now. I’m going home now, bye.
Me: Wait, wait! Do you know what today is?
Jin: Today? Huh?
I felt so sad, I thought he would remember my birthday. He turned around and walked away like nothing had happen.Then I shouted… “Wait…”
Jin: You have something to say?
Me: Tell me, tell me you love me…
Jin: What?!
Me: Tell me
I put my pathetic self behind and clung on to him. But he just said simple cold words and left.
“I don’t want to say…that I love someone so easily, if you are desperate to hear it, then find someone else.”
That was what he said. Then he ran off. My legs felt numb… and I collapsed to the ground. He didn’t want to say it easily… How could he…. I felt that… Maybe he is not the right guy for me…
After that day, I stranded myself at home crying, just crying. He didn’t call me, although I was waiting. He just continued handing me a little doll every morning outside my house. That’s how those dolls piled up in my room… everyday

After a month, I got myself together and went to school. But what made the pain resurface was that… I saw him on a street… with another girl… He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed me…as he touched the doll… I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my room, and tears fell… Why did he gave these to me… Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls…In a fit of anger, I threw the dolls around. Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him. He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house. I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop. I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget him, that… it’s going to end. Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll.

Jin: Jo, I thought you were pissed, you really came?
I couldn’t help hating him, acting like nothing had happen and joking around. Soon, he held out the doll as usual…
Me: I don’t need it. Jin: What….why…
I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road.
Me: I don’t need this doll, I don’t need it anymore!! I don’t want to see a person like you again!
I spitted out all the words that were inside me. But unlike other days, his eyes very shaking.
“I’m sorry” He apologized in a tiny voice. He then walked over to the road to pick up the doll…
Me: You stupid! Why are you picking up the doll?! Just throw it away!!!

But he ignored me and just went to pick the doll. Then…

Honk~ Honk~
With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him.
“Jin! Move! Move away!” I shouted… But he didn’t hear me, he squatted down and picked up the doll.
“Jin, move!” HONK~!! “Boom!” That sound, so terrifying.
That’s how he went away from me. That’s how he went away without even opening his eyes to say one word to me.
After that day, I had to go through everyday with guiltiness and the sadness of losing him… And after spending two months like a crazy person… I took out the dolls.

Those were the only gifts he left me since the day we started going out. I remembered the days I spent with him and started to count the days… when we were in love…

“One…two… three…” That was how… I started to count the dolls…
“Four hundred and eighty four… four hundred and eighty five…” It all ended with 485 dolls.
I then started to cry again, with a doll in my arms. I hugged it tightly, then suddenly…

“I love you~, I love you~” I dropped the dolls,shocked.

“I….lo..ve…you??” I picked up the dolls and pressed its stomach.

“I love you~ I love you~” It can’t be! I pressed all the dolls’ stomach as it piled on the side.
“I love you~”
“I love you~”
“I love you~”
Those words came out non-stop. I…love you… Why didn’t I realize that….That his heart was always by my side, protecting me. Why didn’t I realize that he love me this much… I took out the doll under the bed and pressed it’s stomach, that was the last doll, the one that fell on the road. It had his blood stain on it. The voice came out, the on that I was missing so much…

“Jo…Do you know what today is? We’ve been loving each other for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldn’t say I love you…. Um… since I was too shy… If you forgive me and take this doll, I will say that I love you… everyday… till I die… Jo… I love you…”

The tears came flowing out of me. Why? Why? I asked god, why do I only know about all this now? He can’t be by my side, but he loved me until his last minute…

For that… and for that reason… to me… it became courage… to live a beautiful life.

My Everynight Bedtime Song

This will be my bedtime song. Today when I listened to it for the first time with my Philip headphone(imagine the sound with Philip Headphone...)with my eyes closed..Damn..how i missed the momens..the first 2 lines itself have made me sobbed like a lil baby...hugging my knees...

I will love you forever and i have never loved anyone as much as i love you...
Like the song said "You Can"...nothing can take us away except Allah and only death will separate us..Till death do us part...at the moment Allah is testing our love and just like Nini said To have True Love isn't easy.

Before we go to sleep tonight
We'll say our prayers
I'll hold you tight
And kiss away the fears you hold inside you

So many years have passed us by
I cherish the moments by your side
A love like ours will only grow much stronger
I wanna to tell you

That forever more I'll be the one to love you, to love you
When you need me I'll be there to make you smile
And forever more I'll be the one you come to oh honey
I'll be the one to love you when the morning comes

Through all the tears we left behind
The joy we shared, your hand in my mine
I can't resist ooo touching you not even while you're sleeping
And when you wake I promise you
We'll celebrate our dreams come true
A love like ours will only grown much stronger

I wanna to tell you
That forever more I'll be the one to love you, to love you
When you need me I'll be there to make you smile
And forever more I'll be the one you come to oh baby
I'll be the one to love you when the morning comes

Let me tell you
There will never be another cold and lonely winter night
'Cause we're family
And baby our love will last forever

So I'll say to you
That forever more, I'll be the one to love you darling
When you need me I'll be there to make you smile
And forever more I'll be the one you come to oh I will baby
And that forever more
I'll be the one to love you when the morning comes

I'll be the one to love you... forever more

A Very Special Dedication :(

Only God knows how i feel when i decided to post this entry...why does it hurt sooooo bad? What my heart wants to say is said in this song...



People hand in hand
Future in the plan
Promises we make
Sometimes fade away
Like footprints in the sand

Love's a game of chance
I've come to understand
What my greatest fear is
Someday you'll disappear
Like footprints in the sand

But life was meant to live
And love was meant to give
No-one ever said
That you could depend
On whispers to the wind

Love's a game of chance
I've come to understand
What my greatest fear is
Someday you'll disappear
Like footprints in the sand

So I will build my castle on the sea
And pray that you'll come back to me
And there I'll wait faithfully
For your return, your return

Love's a game of chance
I've grown to understand
Hope will keep you near
She will reappear
Like footprints in the sand
In the sand, in the sand

My Client's Email Notification in My Blackberry Is Like Music To My Ears..

I used to hate the sound of my email notification when i received them at my Blackberry...I always feel like its a nuisance to me and like...eeergggh why oh why are there so many emails especially junk mails...but lately...the sound of the emails notification on my Blackberry seems to be the nicest music to my ears. And each time there is notification, i would jumped with excitement...with my pixie look and sometimes like a lil girl jumping in front of a candy jar begging please please when her mommy decided to buy those colorful candies.

This is how i look like when receiving my client's email lately....

If it comes from my Yahoo..it has a different tone and when it comes from my Gmail it will be another sound..Both make me jump with full of excitement...event though most of the time its junk that fills up my inbox...but my heart will still ask..."aaaahhhh my client..yay! must be my client..."

To my darling Rufina

Today I received a message at my Facebook Inbox from my Malaysia Airlines(MH) batch girl...I miss all of them and thanks to facebook i get to find almost half of them on FB..I just have to copy and paste the message she sent and paste here so I wont lose it.(its really touchy and sweet of her)...A sweet message from a sweet person..Love you Rufina Radius...and thank you...we sure had a great time back in 1990(with our basic instructor Mr Madana whom we call Mr Banana)...giler wooo...hehehehe. Here is what she wrote to me today...

I'm speechless at first to know abt your condition now.. And U know, I miss U so much.... I remember the trip to Genting... I remember when just the two of us singing Sheila Majid songs in your car... and to me, U're the best (woman) driver that I've ever met...( hey I've never seen a woman who drives so fast with just one hand holding the steering and one hand scratching her back !!! hahaa..but U did that..!! Fantastic. Elina, whatever happen...please please do not give up. I'm holding my tears......O dear ! I pray for U to get well soon. Take care. Love U fren.

God willing I will visit you at Kota Kinabalu one of this day...shall we sing the song "lagenda" by Sheila Majid again? LOL

I have been harassed by PSYCHOTIC WOMAN from Sungai Petani....

The past 1 week i have been harassed by this psychotic woman from Sungai Petani..and i mean she is really really psycho. I refused to answer any of her SMS and her phone calls...So today i have no choice but to make a police report at Bukit Aman just after my meeting with Bukit Aman's top guns. I have given them her photo too. They have opened a file on her and has assured me that any harm comes to me even if it's not done by her..she will be the first prime suspect.
Psycho- that one word says it all. It means completely nuts. Psycho woman will do things that are completely crazy..... lacking of rational thought.....actions with no thought about the consequences. Sometimes they are violent. Sometimes they throw things. Sometimes they scream and yell. Sometimes they do outrages things like vandalized your car, embarrass o r harass you at work. They might even threaten you or your girlfriend . YOU GET THE IDEA. THIS PARTICULAR SUNGAI PETANI WOMAN HAS ALL THE ABOVE. These women are just plain crazy and there is nothing you can do to change them. Your best strategy after you know that a woman is psycho is to cut your losses immediately...hopefully before she gets too attached to you la...as that might minimize potential bad behavior that might be directed toward you.
Sounds scary, eh? The funny part is that most psycho women do not appear to be psycho right away. Often times it takes many months before their true colors start to show. You best bet as a midlife bachelor is to watch for early signs of psychosis, and then make your decisions.

To Sheila, to myself & all the Cancer Patient out There

I dedicate this song to my dearest friend Sheila who just received a bad new today on her birthday that her cancer has spread to her joints, her spine and brain...and also dedicate to myself also battling against my cancer and all the cancer patient out there..BE STRONG and we will survive..

True Love ....

Everytime I look into your eyes, I fall in love again. I know that I've only known you for less than a tenth of my life, but I feel like I've known you since the dawn of time.I'm never tire of looking at your pictures, reading your SMS that you've sent to me. All of these things keep me so happy and feeling so blessed that I have truly found the one person that I want to spend eternity with. You are the only person on earth that has ever been able to calm me down when I get worked up. Talking to you makes my day great.I could have a crappy day at work, but at night when I get to talk and think of you, you lift my gloomy spirits. You never makes me feel like I can have a bad day, and that is so uplifting to me.
Like I say so many times, you're my Angel, sent from Heaven above to be my one and only. Your touch can excite me. When we are together, I wonder if you're really there, or did I just had a sweet dream.Having this chance of dedication, I wish you'd find your truth happiness one day.Your name will always be kept in my dairy. Wherever I am in life, no matter what happen, it'll never change.

You Just Have to Stop Looking In Order To See

Student, teacher, Why coach… here to support and inspire others as that is what inspires me!

“When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.”

You may have heard the line that when we look for something and find it, it is always in the very last place we look. Well, I realized recently that this isn’t always the case.

My Why is to inspire and support others to live an inspiring life. I have embraced my Why, and my hope is that by reading this you will be inspired in some way that helps you. However until very recently I was denying my Why. For the last four years I’ve been on a personal development journey and while I love exploring new ideas and experiences, I have also felt very frustrated that I just couldn’t find my path. I was searching and searching, but I just couldn’t get clear on what I was meant to be doing with my life.

Then a few weeks ago, I heard someone say that often we know our Why; that there is a voice inside that calls to us, but sometimes we pretend not to hear. My first reaction was that of course this didn’t apply to me. I was actively looking for my Why, so surely I would know it when I saw it. Then someone else said almost the same thing: that when we say we don’t know what we are meant to do with our life, deep down we know that we know.

So I started pondering this idea, and I tried to quiet my mind instead of frantically searching. And then the most amazing thing happened. I was watching a video of someone else talking about finding their Why, and in an instant, I knew mine. Perhaps it was the tears streaming down my face that gave it away. But at that moment, I knew I wanted to inspire others to live an inspiring life; in that moment I owned it. And I realized that I had known my Why for a long time, but I had been playing small, and I had allowed myself to question – who was I to be inspiring, who was I to want to change the world.

I came to another realization in that moment of clarity. I had been seeking and I thought that I couldn’t find it. But in reality, I had found but wouldn’t see. So I now had a choice. I could try and forget that I had found my Why and I could go back to my personal development journey and I could continue to search and play small. And I knew that if I chose that path, it would be as if I was ever so slowly killing myself; I would be rejecting my true self a little more each day. The idea of doing that now makes me cry. The alternative was that I could embrace my Why and ask better questions. Who am I not to inspire? Who am I not to use all that I have learned to inspire others? My very existence has changed the world already, so why not live my Why and make the world even better?

I appreciate now that there were many times in the past that I caught a glimpse of my Why. Okay, maybe it wasn’t a glimpse – maybe it was as clear as day, and yes, I know it’s not really a maybe either. I clearly found my Why four years ago, but I allowed myself to pretend otherwise. I bought into something many of us do, and that is to think it is being humble to play small. Let me say this: it’s not. If all the people who have inspired me throughout my life had chosen to play small, my life wouldn’t be as rich.

My advice to you, as you seek your Why, is that when you find it, please stop looking. Please embrace it and live it and share it with the world. Share your unique gifts, your insights, your passions. Only you can be you… so listen to that voice that is calling and allow yourself to hear.

Thank You..

I believe cancer has given me a new life. My priorities have changed. I feel as though my heart beats with more meaning. Now, I try not to squander away my heart beats on frustration and anger, but instead to spend them on happiness and laughter. So you will not see me CRY...

Special dedication to my 2 wonderful friend NZ and Alvine Nathan

To NZ and Alvine, I wish i know a way to say thank you for the beautiful friendship you guys have shown me..God sent both at the right moment. Once again..thanks guys..for the wonderful friendship.

Why GOD Gave Us Friends

GOD knew that everyone needs
Companionship and cheer,
He knew that people need someone
Whose thoughts are always near.

He knew they need someone kind
To lend a helping hand.
Someone to gladly take the time
To care and understand.

GOD knew that we all need someone
To share each happy day,
To be a source of courage
When troubles come our way.

Someone to be true to us,
Whether near or far apart.
Someone whose love we'll always
Hold and treasure in our hearts.

That's Why GOD Gave Us Friends! It takes more than caring To be a real friend; The nature of friendship; Requires a blend Of warmest compassion And love deep and true To reach and to comfort The way that you do. Because I can see That your kind of friendship Is priceless to me.

The Best Thing I Have done - To be an Organ Donor

My dad freaked out when I showed him the card that shows I am an organ donor. He said he will not allow anyone to take anything from my dead body. Rather than i feed the worm and maggots and go to waste, its only right that i give them to people who really need those organs.There are two reasons that it’s important to commit to donation. The first is obvious, but the second just occurred to me. First, one donor can save and improve the lives of dozens of other people, so we should all donate, if we can—it’s a rare privilege, actually, to die in a way that permits you to be a donor.

Second, because so few people do die in a way that allows their organs to be used, it’s critical to have an enormous base of potential donors. By committing to donation, and by telling other people that you’ve done so, you help create a culture in which it’s expected that people donate their organs. These cultural expectations make a big difference. Littering, wearing seat belts, driving after drinking, smoking in restaurants … just in my lifetime, I’ve seen huge shifts in the expectations for behavior. If “everyone” signs up to be an organ donor, everyone will sign up to be an organ donor.

Now, if you have a principled reason not to donate, fine. You get a pass. But ask yourself this: If you needed a kidney, would you accept one from a donor? If your child or sweetheart needed a kidney, would you put that name on the list? If you answer yes, then do your part. Sign up yourself.

Also, if you’re concerned about the exploitation of people in other countries for their organs, you undermine the demand for those organs by committing to donation.

It’s not a principled or religious belief that prevents many people from signing up—nope, we neglect to sign up from sheer laziness or from a vague desire to avoid thinking about death. Are those good reasons to neglect to do something so easy and so important?

Maybe you’re feeling frantically busy, so you can’t volunteer at that soup kitchen, or maybe you’re feeling strapped for cash, so you can’t donate to support your local library. Here’s a good deed of enormous significance that you can do in less than a minute. Sign up Now!. Tell your family! Remember, you'll get a big rush of happiness from the knowledge that you've done something to help other people. Do good, feel good.

And never forget, one day you might be the person waiting for that call from the hospital. Someone reading this post right now may be inspired to sign up to donate the kidney that will save your life next year. So sign up yourself. I PLEDGED TO DONATE EVERY ORGAN THAT IS USABLE AFTER I AM DISMISSED...HOW ABOUT YOU?

I love every bit of my life

Everyone has dreams...what they want in their life and how they want their life to be and most people always dream of a perfect ideal life.As I find myself in my 40s, I feel that I am poised now to be living my most authentic life, because I have had more experience with what works for me and what doesn’t. While authenticity is something I always believed in, it has taken time, trial and error to really grab a hold of what it means to me and how I live that out. That is not to say I have it all figured out, I’m still learning and adjusting. I’m still on the journey of discovery and growth.
When I was "a wife", I thought my authentic self was destined to live in some sort of dreamy environment. You know, if I worked hard enough at it I could have the spotlessly clean house, cute cherub children, the perfectly decorated home. It seemed natural for me, as I had grown up in a few homes that were close to most people’s definition of perfection. I had dreamed of my perfect fairytale life as a wife and mom ever since I was little. That was all I knew and it seemed like a realistic option! But as my ex husband and I carved our own way in life, it became clear to me that life was different in my new family than it was in my original one. Not better or worse, just different. I had some adjusting to do.
The difficulty I ran into with the perfection route was something always suffered when I tried to achieve it. Contrary to my original assessment of what life as an adult would be like, I was not in a position to do it all. And usually what suffered were things I held dear. I lacked the time and/or money for my expectations and that led to feelings of discontent and frustration. It took awhile for me to realize that I was running ahead full steam in a direction that I thought was important, when really it wasn’t what I valued the most or was capable of achieving. My priorities confused me and left me wondering if that was how life was supposed to feel.So, in the process of redefining how I live, I had to reconcile the parts of me that loved a beautiful environment and the parts of me that couldn’t keep that up!
I wanted to live a “beautiful life” and it was important to me to do so for many reasons, but I didn’t always have the money or the time to do things the way I wanted to. I wanted to be true to who I was, but I didn’t know how.As time has marched on, I have had to redefine for myself what a beautiful life looked like.It was an exhausting exercise in trying to find authenticity. Looking back, I thought if I got everything arranged in life just so, the right house, the right career, the right yard, the right decorating and the right size of house, authenticity and contentment would fall into place. True, if where you are at in life is completely inappropriate for you (your house is way too expensive for your income, for example), then switching homes might be a good idea. And sometimes making a move is just what you need to do to change your life. But still, many times in life when I made a decision to move or re-do something, my focus might have been off. I would solve one or two problems and create a half dozen more.
What I have learned for myself is that the goal is not always to make everything perfect around me, but to LIVE fully, to the best of my ability, wherever I am. It is being content to balance my life with what God gives me! I have had to change my focus and perception of how I look at life. Yes, sometimes that means moving to a new house, remodeling or getting a new job in order to live more fully. But sometimes that means projects remain undone for years at a time (my backyard, for instance, GASP!) so I can redirect my time and resources to something else that is more important to me.

Circumstances will ebb and flow, but now that I am fully embracing authentic living, my intent remains the same in spite of my circumstances or whims. Authentic living isn’t necessarily being frugal in every way or living simply, as some people do, it is living on purpose and with purpose according to what I have been given. I have to make sacrifices in order to fully live with contentment in the moments I have. I can’t chase down authenticity or find it somewhere else, nor can I have every duck in a row at all times. Authenticity looks different at my house than it might look at your house. You can’t necessarily spot someone who is living authentically just because of the car they drive, the kind of house they live in, the things they have, or the place they buy their groceries.Authenticity is a series of personal decisions I make every day. While I sometimes think it would be great to go back in time and make life a “do over” I’m content where I am today. Life isn’t perfect, struggles still loom over us and some uncertainty of our future remains. But I’m happy to just fully live in the moments I’m given. Thank you Allah..for every single bit of my life

P/S: By my loose definition, authentic living is living a life that works for you, instead of struggling against the one you have been given. It is finding satisfaction, contentment and fulfillment in the present. It is living on purpose and with purpose. And, perhaps more importantly, it is a life where we are useful to people around us because we are able to give of ourselves in the way we want to

How Ruben (Abu Bakar) Became Islam

Numb...

"Once upon a time I was falling in love but now I'm only falling apart...."
This one place which i call "My Numb Shell"was amazing and for a brief moments i forgot him. For a week I was far from my reality and enjoyed myself in a completely different place. I immersed myself in the place called my "Numb Shell" and during those moment i became completely feelingless.

But i'm back to reality and here i am facing my heartbreak again. the deadline passed, i was given no sign from God except for the constant reminder of his name and city appearing everywhere. But i did not get that ultimate sign i asked for, therefore it's time to really move on.

I cannot continue to care about someone who obviously has no disregard for me. Good bye...

To You...

All this while, i have been posting serious entry but today just want to humor myself and also a close buddy with the comic strips below...

Will Love You Always..

I Promised you once, I promise you twice, this love will never end that i feel so deep inside, I loved you yesterday and even more today and i never want this feeling to go away, Baby you are my Everything, my Angel from above, you feel my life with so much love.

Yours truly,
Ellie

BEAUTIFUL MESS

I LOVE this song. I can't stop listening to it.

It reminds of this relationship I'm in... Been going on for what seems like forever and now in a happy place with the person. After all the crap you've been through, it's finally working out. In limbo... enjoying the moment, but can't wait to move forward. Kind of like: All that shit was and will be worth it. And that you're FINALLY getting there. Sort of like reassuring the other person.

It's also about the people involved...


You�ve got the best of both worlds
You�re the kind of girl who can take down a man then lift him back up again
You are strong but you�re needed, humble but you�re greeted
And based on your body language and shotty cursive I�ve been reading
You�re style is quite selective though your mind is rather reckless
Well I guess it just suggests that this is just what happiness is

And what a beautiful mess this is
It�s like picking up trash in dresses

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write
Kind of turn themselves into knives
And don�t mind my nerve you can call it fiction
But I like being submerged in your contradictions dear
Cause here we are, here we are

Although you were biased I love your advice
Your comebacks they�re quick and probably have to do with your insecurities
There�s no shame in being crazy, depending on how you take these words
I�m paraphrasing this relationship we�re staging

But it�s a beautiful mess, yes it is
It�s like picking up trash in dresses

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say
Kind of turn themselves into blames
And the kind and courteous is a life I�ve heard
But it�s nice to say that we played in the dirt
Cause here, here we are
Here we are

We're still here

And it�s a beautiful mess, yes it is
It�s like taking a guess when the only answer is yes

And through timeless words and priceless pictures
We�ll fly like birds not of this earth
And tides they turn and hearts disfigure
But that�s no concern when we�re wounded together
And we tore our dresses and stained our shirts
But its nice today, oh the wait was so worth it

Life is Amazing will be more amazing for 2011

So...i was watching TV ad a lot of shows have a "what happened before" kind of recap

so.........

Turned 40 this year and pretty much had the worse time since then, got very sick in May then an amazing holiday and then relationship went sour, maid(s) ran away, kids got sick and didn't meet my target with my insurance career....ended up hating myself a lot and insanely confused, lost and depressed

BUT

then a friend came to my rescue YAY and now there are so many good new things in my life, i have a future....and plans and a smile again

I have cried, self harmed, got so wrecked i couldn't remember my name and seriously considered giving up on life ......but a new start while hard at first ALWAYS means new things and sure we may have liked the old things BUT they are gone.

And still have so much ahead of me , so many new things and so many new plans

And yeah i am crying as i write this but its ok because some part of me will always be sad that things didn't work out , but now i have a new life to be getting on with.

So a crazy, sad, depressed start to my 40th year of my life........but i am turning that around ^_^ and i know i there is a long hard road ahead of me, but i also know that this is one of the most pivotal and important years of my life.

The decisions i make now will be the basis of an amazing and beautiful life

And by the time i am 41 my life is going to be amazing.

So this is to everyone out there who has lost someone, or been fired or is just in a bad place right now, i know its scary and daunting and everywhere you look you just see problems you have not got the strength to handle right now. It will get better and you will find yourself and a life again.

And if you need someone , most of you know my mobile number and to those who do not know me but need someone to talk, can add me at YM ellieariffin@yahoo.com