Finally We're going Home

Today the doctor finally discharged my son Ridhwan. It has been 4 days and I haven't been back home since then. This morning when I woke up I had my Angina Attack. I told Allah not now please. I need to be around for my son and my daughter.
Grab the Zam Zam water that my dad prepared for Ridhwan, "selawatand drink it.Took a lil bit with my prayer to Allah asking Him to take the pain away.It actually help with the help of Allah, the pain subsides.
I just want to go home and sleep today. Am sooo exhausted and worn out. But Alhamdulillah I am still strong for my kids. Thank you Allah for constantly be by my side. Love You Always my dear Creator.

Specially Dedicated to My True Friends

At times, the wheel of life has to be at the lower position in order for us to see who are our true friends. They are the one that stick by your side when u needed a shoulder to cry on. No matter how strong a person may be, they still need true friends in their life. Currently, I'm at the hospital taking care of my son who is sick at the moment.

The Bully At Work

We all know somebody who is a doubletalker, a gossip and a generally untrustworthy person. They are cruel to their enemies and even meaner to their friends - only with the friends the mean streak only comes out when their backs are turned. This type of friend is all sweetness and sugar to people's faces but act uly and spiteful behind their backs. We call people like this "backstabbers" because they sneak around portraying themselves as something they are not, a friend. Do you have one of these snakes in your life? Are you wondering if a bud is really a dud?
They might say they're your 'best friends', but the moment your back is turned, they lie about you to others. No one wants to be hurt in this way, but how do deal with them?
Everyone remembers "the bully" back in grade school, the one that stole your friend's lunch money on a regular basis, shoved you into the lockers from time to time, and intimidated everyone and everything they could...
Now, years later, you're wondering how that same tough, manipulative, arrogant kid apparently teleported into your workplace and ended up working with you...How can this be? Haven’t these people grown up by now?
Any of these sound familiar?...

* Being ridiculed in front of your entire team at staff meetings...

* Being lied about behind your back...

* Feeling like you're always on guard...

* Not being able to focus, and as a result the work has piled up...

It seems like I face these same defeating issues everyday or at least often enough to make me feel anxious...nervous...even hopeless. The uneasy knot in my stomach follows me home...and I discussed the situation with my friends and family. They talk it through with me, which seems to help for the time being. However, after another rough sleep, tomorrow comes...my heart starts pounding…my hands are clammy…the panic returns... and I'm propelled into yet another terrible day with my least favourite person in the world…
My confidence is missing in action, my passive-aggression is through the roof, and I find myself watching the latest Dr.Phil episode on how to battle out of control anxiety...
Deep down I hope that there is some way to make this work, without giving up and having to start all over again with a new job because I'm not a quitter. In fact, I enjoy my job; but I definitely don't feel the same way about the workplace bully that steals your, focus, productivity, confidence, and most importantly my sanity...
Arrrrgggghhhhhhhh!!!!!....

Living with FRENEMY Pt 2

I don't understand so many things about us humans.Why do we hurt those we love? Why as soon as we get something we don't want it? Why do we mate for life,only to spend the rest of our life complaining about our mate?
If I knew the answers to these, I am sure it would quiet my soul, but I guess they are not mine to know.
I specially don't understand about people who claim they are my friends. At this moment, I am at Kelana Jaya Medical Hospital taking care of my sick son, Ridhwan. Been here since last Tuesday night. Sitting alone here, I tried to understand things that has been happening around me lately. First with my work. I tried to do the best I can and I think I have given the best that I can. I mean, everytime after my kids are asleep i would go back to the office doing all my work alone and go home at 4am.
I have been requesting for an assistant but to no avail my request was rejected by the company. They said the Government project is more important than the private one that I'm handling.I broke down on Tuesday when I was asked to inform some of the guys at work to do some preparation for my boss and they actually told me We're going back and if Encik @#*% wants it..ask him to call us personally.
They fail to see the consequences which of course it will be on me. Rushed back home to attend to my sick son. He was very very sick but thats my problem to solve. I am not just a single mom but I'm a single mom who has to attend to my kids all by myself and also the job i have is very demanding. The first time I broke down was last year somewhere in July during my outstation trip where I tried to kill myself. At that time I snapped and just lost my mind.
The same night I rushed my son to the hospital where he always got admitted. His temperature was 40 degrees Celsius. The next day first thing in the morning at 8am, my boss buzz my on YM and screwed me for the things my colleague didn't do. Life just isn't fair. The whole day I got screwed on YM. I have actually tender my resignation but HR refuse to accept and asked me to retract back the resignation via email which I have not done.
The saddest part was when I tender my resignation someone I take as my close friends take this opportunity to buried me deep down in the ground. Till today I feel sad and stupid. Why didn't I listen to the voice that always whisper in my ear. Since that moment I decided to stay away from some people in my life
THEY CALL THEM FRIENDS BUT ALL THEY DO IS LIE TO ME..LIE LIE LIE STRAIGHT IN MY EYES .

Say what you need to say...

Today, at 5am, I received SMS from my boss asking me about work. Got up answered his SMS and took my shower. Did my Subuh prayer and off to work. too many things to be done and at the same time my son is sick again. Its not easy juggling everything all by yourself but I was trained to never JUSTIFIED in our lives. Once we justified, that's when we will be slacked in everything we do.
Reached the office at 6.50am, switched on my lappy and straight to work at the same time online(YM) with my boss. I love my job very much and always want to give the best. And to do so, i have to beg in order to get things done. Perhaps my method is wrong. Like what some of my close friends at work said, when u ask them as a favor, they feel its not their job and if they do its merely a favor. They fail to see that if we work together as a team, YES may we don't get extra income but if we strengthen the company, end of the month, all of us have food on the table.
Yes people said rezeki is not only here at this office but again they fail to realise that with that attitude, no matter where we work, we will not put our 100% effort because we feel that if the company is not satisfied with our work, then we can always look for other job.
At least I know, if i give my best effort while working where I work right now, even if i give my extra time and effort and the company doesn't give me increment, I know every month i give my 2 kids and dad a halal income. I don't know how TO SAY WHAT I NEED TO SAY..but all i can say is that i will give the best with the time Allah has given me.
Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so-called problems
Better put them in quotations

Say what you need to say (8x)
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say

Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you’d be better off instead
If you could only

Say what you need to say (8x)
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say

Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You better know that in the end
It’s better to say too much
Than never to say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open

Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say

Specially Dedicated to all The AYAPIN's BIG FAN at my office

Is the workplace fertile ground for bad manners? Sure seems that way.Common courtesy doesn't exist anymore?Civility, manners, and politeness are nostalgic memories.It's really sad to see the new comers at my work place has the image as a Muslim men and women.(With goatee and the girls wearing head scarfs) but it's really sad to see how they communicate. They judged people who are just not in their category and it's sad to hear when they talked about the hukum of religion. They are so ignorant.

I might not be religious and the way I look perhaps doesn't look like them.(I look kinda funky- but thats just me)but I don't judge. I always wonder why one likes to judge others because then we will be too busy judging others that we will forget to look at ourselves. And I never stop doing things to better myself and that includes brushing my knowledge on religion and worldly stuffs.
Sometimes its really sad when I talked to some of the staff at work, the way they answer to my question, 1st: they do not look at your face when they answer. 2nd: Sometimes they don't even bother to answer because they feel that me and my pantry gang are not in their category( they feel that they are religious and we are not)3rd: the way they answer to you is just too rude. 4th: Smiles are sadaqah and they hardly smiles unless to their own group.
Its sad to see their attitude and they bring shame to the name of ISLAM. Islam doesn't teach all these attitudes. They claim to be the follower of the prophet? God! If only Prophet Muhammad is here, I bet he (pbuh)too would be ashamed to claim them as his follower.
Dear Allah, please open their heart to the truth of Islam and cleanse their dark heart. They are parents and they have children. Its sad to see those poor children having these people as their parents and generations after generations will be taught the wrong way of life. Prophet Muhammad(pbuh) had fought for Islam and how beautiful the religion is. Allah has blessed us with the most beautiful religion which taught us all the beauty of life.
Everyday I go to work hoping to see these people change to be courteous. They don't understand by being rude will not only tarnish the name of Islam but also it reflects on their upbringing which brings back to their parents reputation. God have mercy on these people.
RUDENESS IS CONTAGIOUS BUT SO IS A SMILE.
Manners, personality, caring for others, cleanliness, a system of values and faith, are a few of the life links that connect us all. Smiling can be a habit; we probably can't really measure its benefits entirely. I just know that smiling faces are welcome in my life. If I've learned to be one of them, then I'm more successful than I hoped. Make an effort to smile more often, and you'll find you have more to smile about.
Top 5 Reasons Why You Should Smile More Often

The ability to smile is a gift to humans, though I swear my Frog smiles at me; I've seen a bird or two who made me wonder; and I've seen a cat which not only smiled, but could give you a look that would freeze an elephant. Well, maybe all that's not backed up by research but I know my animals!!

Smiling fills the soul, yours and others. The only time I was irritated by a smile was while I was in labor with my first son. After 24 hours of that fun, my husband had the most irritating grin pasted on his face. I wanted to smack it off, but I was busy giving life. Finally, even the nurse said, "Dad-to-be, would you please take your grin out to the hall, we're working in here." Ha! Served him right. Ok, that was a temporary glitch in our marriage but birth labor hurts.

Chronic Complaining

Now, who wants to be around gloom and doom all the time? You know the ones I'm talking about. Those chronic complaining "friends." They're in every office, by every water fountain and on the front pew of the church; they never have a good thing to say about anyone or anything and they can soak you with their depression quicker than a him-a-caine.

I 've been known to spin in the other direction at mere glance from their direction. No way am I stoppin' by to say "how's your day goin'?" I'm thinking: "Life is tough for everyone; get OVER it; Yada yada yada; give it a break." I have enough reasons to eat chocolate without listening to horror stories of pain.

Bad News Is Everywhere

I'm a sympathetic person by nature (stop it- I am too, you don't know me). But, we have to survive. Bad news is everywhere! Between Chris Dobb on CNN, Keith Doberman (ok, Oberman, SHEEESH), on MSNBC (his only saving grace is he can't stand Bush or Bill O'Reilly which makes him my almost hero) and the slurpiness of "Bush-Limbaugh-worship" from Hannity and Colmes on Fox, I think the world's flipped over to the dark side of the moon. I'm not in love with the Poly-ana types either, so don't go there.

Local TV Channels vs Cable

Still, I'm thinking we could smile a little more. Due to a recent move and the lack of funds for satellite TV at this moment, I've been forced to watch local news. Surprise. Some funny guy on TV3 makes me laugh and at 3.00 a.m. that's not easy.

I've been turning on easy listening music in the evenings, reading books, who knows what's next. I think I was humming doing dishes the other night. Not hearing about the war and politics 24/7 might be turning me into a kinder, gentler person. Well?? It could.

I'm warning you, I could start smiling all the time. It could spread clear across the street and that old grumpy guy might even smash out a grin.

Smiling could cure lots of things, I'm thinking. Maybe even contribute to world peace, but then what would Miss Malaysia do? Well, she'll think of something, I'm sure, like maybe get off drugs or quit the porn movies. Come on, let's give them a second chance, right.

Smiling in Other Places

I'm not an expert on world cultures, but I don't think smiling means the same in every country. I don't like it when Chavez smiles, nor that Iranian leader what ever his name is again, and personally I don't think Bin Laden has ever smiled without a gun in his hand...so you can't trust every smile. Still, in a peaceful land, I think it's nice. I've even tried smiling when I didn't feel like it though a few people flinched when I did that, so maybe I need more practice.

Fake It 'Til You Make It

Frankly, I like pretense. We all deserve a little of it. If I'm at Carrefour or Tesco and you're a clerk who's having a lousy day, please pretend you aren't. If you're the guy at Mc D's who's just been given that few ringgit raise, please don't spit in my coke. And if you're the clerk at the 7-11 and I'm trying to get your attention so I can pre-pay for my gas and make it home before dark, but you're so busy arguing on the cell phone with WHOMEVER, well, please pretend you're good at your job and take my money. Sigh.

I'm not asking much, just a little fake cheer. You don't have to do the "zippety-do dah" dance, but just fake it a bit to help us all get through the day. I've faked a lot of things in my day. (shhhh) It works for the most part. Once in a while I forget I'm faking it and actually feel better.

Body Language Speaks Loudly

Body Language is always speaking. Smiling speaks. This little non-verbal symbol of acceptance is a powerful little tool. I'd like to see it more so here's the deal. I will - if you will. Smile, I mean. Let's do it. My smile is bigger than your smile. Come on, it'll be fun. I'll be watching you!

OOps, I almost forgot to give you the 5 reasons. Here they are...

Side Effects, Benefits and 5 Reasons to Smile:

1. Smiling Lowers Blood Pressure. (Well now, it could. If not yours, mine.)

2. Smiling makes others want to be around you. (So be careful who you give the smiles to, if you get my drift.)

3. Smiling triggers hormone production. (I don't know that for sure myself but I read it and thought it sounded good enough to try, so if you do it and find it to be true, please let me know what happened if you can legally talk about it.)

4. Smiling is a good facial exercise. (Trust me, I've seen some faces who could use exercise. Yes?)

5. Smiling is Contagious. (Finally a good contagious disease you can get on the plane with and not be arrested if you spread it around. Who knew?

Let the smiles begin! Especially during hard times! So for those big fan of AYAPIN at my work place..be more courteous and smile more please

Sad

My first sad moment in 2009

Miri Trip...

Woke up at4am to get myself ready for my flight to Miri. Flight departure 07.25. Got ready at 4.50am, went to my dad's room to kiss the kids goodbye. When I kissed Sarah, she suddenly woke up and hugged me so tight no wanting me to go. Only Allah knows how i feel at that moment. Explained to Sarah that her mummy had to go as its part of my work that i need to travel. Then i went to Ridhwan and gave him a hug and say goodbye to him.My heart felt so sad as I left papa's room. Sarah ran and hugged me again and at that time, just had to control my tears.
Left the house at 5am, went straight to my technical staff's house to pick him up. Pak Teh was waiting for us at the office. I requested for Pak Teh to send us to the airport.Reached the airport at 6am. Checked in our baggage and grab something to eat at the airport. Since we were taking Air Asia the budget flight, no meals will be served unless those paid meals. But thinking i have to pay 9rnggit for instant Cup noodles, i rather have sandwich at the terminal before i boarded the aircraft.

10am, we touched down Miri Airport and God!Its so clean and peaceful and people were very nice at East Malaysia. From the airport we went straight to RTM instead if checked in at the hotel.. to be continue

Taken bt my Flickr buddy

feel like dying...,
originally uploaded by ojie_z :).

Went tru my flickr and saw this picture with beautiful poem taken by one of my flickr buddy. Never met her in person but I can simply tell from all the photos taken by her, she is a nice sentimental person.
Hope to meet her one day and exchanging ideas on our hobby and thats photography. Anyway to Ojie..good job on all the photos. Love them all

My Dear Boss who is also my Mentor

I remember it was January 2005, I came into this office to be interviewed by the owner of the company and also with another person who is the FOUNDER of the company I work with. Firstly I was greeted by these 2 bosses with smiles on their faces. I remember at that time, my ex boss who is my current boss punya insurance agent told me "Elina, this time I really have to let you go because En S@#*% is my big client but then again arrrr...that place bosses will throw files one you know"..and my reaction to that statement was "Arrrrr ok but the salary is ok for a single mom who is struggling bringing up her 2 kids without any financial help from her ex husband nor anyone". And so I took the challenge.
Didn't know if at that time I made the right decision because seriously at that time, I was "IT ZERO KNOWLEDGE". I mean if its just emailing and YM-ing,its ok but more than that...GOSH!OK back to the interview part,my big boss was joking and smiling while asking me questions and i felt so ease but then, suddenly his phone rang and he excused himself and left me and the other boss (the founder of the company). With his eyes looking straight into my eyes, his smiles just died, he asked me "So tell me, what do you know about this company? do you know how to do presentation slides? Know how to do proposals?" and I said " Im a fast learner and I can learn."
Deep in my heart, I said " Oh No..my life is gonna be hell here". Well first 6 months, he really drilled me. Whatever I did was just not right to him. At first I really hate him but then, I said why hate him and be miserable. Why not learn from the mistakes and probably I can be like him. Oh I forgot to mention..he is a very simple man but he is a GENIUS and a bumi genius.
Day by day I learn, and tried to cope with him and do things at his pace. It was tough and then I realised that he started having trust with my work. I began to respect him day by day and I told myself, what he taught me is something I can never learn anyway. Keeping with the new technologies thats growing too fast.
And now, I think I'm not so bad with my IT KNOWLEDGE and I love my job and sort of addicted to my job. Lucky I dont have a husband or a boyfriend coz with the way I work now, no man is crazy enough to date me. I go home at 8pm to have dinner with my dad n my 2 kids and after putting the kids to bed at 10.30pm, i would run to the office to do my work till 4-5am. I would go home and come back again at 8.30am. heheheh.
And till today I'm still learning and I'm proud to say, TO MY BOSS IF U EVER READ THIS BLOG ONE DAY, I WOULD LIKE TO SAY " EN AZLI, I WOULD LIKE TO SAY FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART THANK YOU FOR ALL THE THINGS YOU HAVE TAUGHT ME AND STILL TEACHING ME. I LOVE N RESPECT YOU AS MY BOSS AND MY MENTOR...THANK U

Where is the justice

"And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and he has put love and mercy between your (hearts)..." Qu'ran 30:21
"I recommend that you treat women with goodness. The best of you are those who treat their wives the best." Prophet Muhammed (peace be upon him)
Although Islam promises women protection from such problems, the reality in many Muslim homes is different.The most common form of abuse is emotional and mental abuse.degradation, humiliation, insults, ridicule, name-calling, and criticism; false accusations and blaming her for everything; ignoring, dismissing, or ridiculing her needs; neglect and the silent treatment; spying on her; telling her she is a failure and will go to hell; twisting Islamic teachings to make her feel worthless because she is a woman; restricting her access to transportation, health care, food, clothing, money, friends, or social services; physical and social isolation; extreme jealousy and possessiveness; lying, breaking promises, destroying trust; etc. Emotional abuse can take place in public or at home.
Although it's completely contrary to the example of Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, the Muslim community nonetheless tends to dismiss the seriousness of mental abuse, rationalizing it as a petty argument between husband and wife, and saying it's not serious unless he hits her. In reality, mental abuse does severe psychological harm to many Muslim women. It destroys their self-esteem and makes them question their self-worth; some have mental breakdowns and go insane.
Tragically, some Muslim men actually use Islam to "justify" their abusive behavior. Focusing on rituals, considering themselves to be Islamically knowledgeable, and disregarding the spirit of Islam, they wrongly use the Qur'anic verse that says men are the protectors and maintainers of women to go on power trips, demand total obedience, and order their wives around. They disregard the Islamic requirement for the head of the household to consult with other members of the family when making decisions.
Its been 4 years since my ex husband and i are no longer together. Today we are supposed to go to court and he is supposed to give me my complete freedom and its been 2 years I have been going in and out of syariah court to fight for my freedom but to no avail. Sometimes i wonder, do i need to stand in front of the Judge and tell him that i will change my religion(though in my heart, I'm a strong believer of Allah and the religion) in order for me to get my freedom?
In total, 10 years I have been mental tortured and abused..and the worst part is I'm fighting on my own. All alone. I have no more strength to fight at times but I kept fighting as I have always been a fighter.
I have been begging his mom and what did I get..humiliation! I have begged the people in the religious Department and what did i get..nothing.
Oh Allah, You have never broken Your promise. Today for the first time in my life, I put up my 2 hands and beg You oh Allah, I curse Ahmad Rizal Abd Aziz the son of Faridah Bujang and Abdul Aziz...the day he was born till the day he dies..show him Your wrath. Burn him in Your Hell fire.

Love and Sorrow

Here the swallow's the other half (wife) is injured and the condition is fatal. She was hit by a car as she swooped low across the road

He brought her food and attended to her with love and compassion

He brought her food again but was shocked to find her dead.
He tried to move her......a rarely-seen effort for swallows!

Aware that his sweetheart is dead and will never be with him again, sadness filled his eyes and sorrow felt in his spirit

He stood beside her as his heart weeps for his only love .

Finally aware that she would never return to him, he
stood beside her body with untold pain and despair.

Millions of people cried after watching this picture in
America and Europe and even in India . It is said that the
photographer sold these pictures for a nominal fee to the
most famous newspaper in France .All copies of that
newspaper were sold out on the day these pictures were published.
And many people think animals don't have a brain or feelings?

Give 100%....SINCERELY

A boy and a girl were playing together. The boy had a collection of marbles. The girl had some sweets with her. The boy told the girl that he will give her all his marbles in exchange for her sweets. The girl agreed.
The boy kept the biggest and the most beautiful marble aside and gave the rest to the girl. The girl gave him all her sweets as she had promised.
That night, the girl slept peacefully. But the boy couldn't sleep as he kept wondering if the girl had hidden some sweets from him the way he had hidden his best marble.
Moral of the story: If you don't give your hundred percent in a relationship, you'll always keep doubting if the other person has given his/her hundred percent.. This is applicable for any relationship like love, employer-employee relationship,friendship etc., Give your hundred percent to everything you do and sleep peacefully

I'm having FRENEMY in my life....

Now we're still pursuing our careers at that age, and men are less reliable in the marriage stakes and want to commit later, so girlfriends take on a whole new meaning.And yet we've got sloppy at female friendship.These days nothing is quite the same,you've got yourself 1,214 friends on Facebook, five of whom you've actually met in person.
With the click of a mouse, you can befriend and break up, hook up and make up, all without having to leave the warm glow of your computer screen and do something unthinkable like interact with a real, live human being.'
So the point is how to reconnect with real friendship, not cyber-fakes, and to differentiate between the true girlfriend and the frenemy who half wants you to succeed but mostly loves it when you fail - at men, fashion or career.
She's the kind of woman who, while affecting deep concern, is the mistress of undermining. She is fond of saying things along the lines of: 'You look tired,' 'You're going to eat all that?' 'Your ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend is soooooo pretty.' Good friends are like orgasms - you're lucky enough to have one and really lucky if you have multiple ones.' We need girlfriends for life and often for dear life.women who hate instead of embracing one another. It is a phenomenon that every working woman will recognise. Women can be fantastic friends outside the office, but put them in the workplace and they become the personification of conceit, deceit and downright nastiness.
Without even realising it, women slip into Player HateHer mode. And I defy anyone reading this to say they have not been guilty of this kind of scrutiny of other women. A Player HateHer is a woman who 'unnecessarily displays a negative attitude towards another woman for trivial reasons'. Why? Because they're jealous, insecure and intimidated.
First, don't get over-emotional. If you feel jealous, cool down and ask yourself why you feel this way, and if you could be the one at fault.
Best of Friends? The girls from the hit U.S. sitcom stuck together, despite the occasional cat-fight

Best of Friends? The girls from the hit U.S. sitcom stuck together, despite the occasional cat-fight

Secondly, respect works. Nothing is likely to lose other people's respect more than being disrespectful either to a senior or junior in the workplace.

Thirdly, don't be a bitch. Spiteful emotional explosions end up hurting no one but yourself.

Fourthly, try to consider other people's feelings and think about how much you've hurt them, instead of how much they've hurt you.

Sure it's not rocket science, but if it were all that obvious, why would we have so many Player HateHers in our midst?

Likewise, the authors of Friend Or Frenemy? have some sound advice for how to hold on to true friendships.

The Friend Commandments are:

1. Thou shalt not covet they friend's life.

2. Thou shalt not covet thy friend's

boyfriend, even if you think he's way too hot for her.

3. Thou shalt give more than thou taketh away from a friendship.

4. Thou shalt never call thy friend and say: 'My boyfriend's away for the weekend. Wanna hang out?' Put your girlfriends first now and again.

5. Thou shalt not spread malicious gossip about a friend unless thou wants to be run over by the karma bus.

6. Thou shalt say: 'Those jeans make your butt look really good.' That's your story and you're sticking to it.

7. Friends don't make their friends wear seafoam green taffeta bridesmaid dresses. Just be happy for one another for one day. It will probably end in divorce anyway.

8. Thou shalt compromise. And compromise. And compromise.

9. Thou shalt not lose touch.

10. Thou shalt not let thy friend leave the house wearing Crocs, unless said friend is working in a hospital.

Finally....the day finally came

A month ago I told him I have to end the relationship. It hurt both of us soo much with the decision I made.He was and is still hurt and so am I but the decision has to be made. 2 days ago he came to KL, a day before he left for Acheh. Damn I miss him so much.
Yesterday after my appointment at Putrajaya, I picked him at his hotel and sent him to the airport. Just as i was about to reached the KLIA toll, my tears suddenly drooled down my cheek. He kept telling me to be patient and he kept wiping my tears with his finger.
God, I never questioned things that happened in my life, but this time I just need an answer for this test. Just want to know what are the things behind this test. He is the first guy I fell in love with. Never have i felt this way with other guys I dated before. Why did You put this feeling in my heart when You know we can never be together. Just wish I have this answer to my question.
I pretend to be happy with my decision but actually it hurt so bad. Please take this pain away. I can't help myself but missing him so much. Please take away this feeling of love and the feeling that hurt me so much. I dedicate this whole list of song to him. He will be my memory that will remain in me forever.
I've decided not to have anymore relationship in my life. There are times i feel like I am cursed when it comes to relationship. He is the first guy that allows me to be ME...ELINA ARIFFIN. Who accepts me just the way I am. Who loves me for just ME. Not wanting me to change a single bit.
Keindahanmu tak pernah dapat terlukiskan
Kecantikanmu menghancurkan hati
Ketulusanmu mengalir sebening kasihmu
Setiamu menguatkan aku
Kau begitu berarti
Sungguh sangat berarti
Kesempurnaan cinta
Kau beri
Aku menyayangimu
Dalam senyum dan tangisku
Dan aku mencintaimu
Dalam hidup dan matiku
Kau begitu berarti
Sungguh sangat berarti
Kesempurnaan cinta
Kau beri
Aku menyayangimu
Dalam senyum dan tangisku
Dan aku mencintaimu
Dalam hidup dan matiku
Aku menyayangimu
Dalam senyum dan tangisku
Dan aku mencintaimu
Dalam hidup dan matiku
Aku menyayangimu
Dalam senyum dan tangisku
Dan aku mencintaimu
Dalam hidup dan matiku
Dalam hidup dan matiku

my indo songs

Law Of Attraction..

The reality that our thoughts and feelings create our experiences, and that we attract to ourselves what we focus our attention on—has been known to sages for thousands of years, but is just now gaining mass popularity due to “The Secret”, Oprah, and other mass media outlets. Because of this, you can now use the law of attraction to relieve stress, and to attract the life you want. (I’ve used it in my practice and in my personal life, and it works!) The following steps can lead you to the life of your dreams, via the law of attraction.
Make a list of all the things in your life that have you feeling frustrated, or that you’d like to change. This can include a stressful job, your children’s behavior, or conflict in your relationships, for example.
List The Positives. Next, begin a journal. For each situation on your list, find everything you can think of that’s positive in the situation. For example, a difficult job may also bring the benefits of income, creative challenge, or personal growth; the job can be a vehicle for expanding your level of patience, for example. (At the very least, it could bring you the valuable information that this isn’t what you want to be doing with your life!)
Maintain a Positive Attitude. This doesn't just mean to paste a smile on your face; it means to work at feeling grateful for what you already have, and for what you believe will come. That's right: shift your focus from your feelings of lack, and toward feelings of gratitude and abundance. Believe in yourself, in your future, and in God or the Universe, and know that you can make whatever changes in your life you want.
Visualize A Better Life. Building and maintaining a visual image of what you want in your life (instead of focusing on what you don’t want) can be a powerful way to attract positive change and opportunity. Make a detailed list of what you’d like in your life. Sit down daily and visualize what your new life would look like and how it would feel to have these changes.
Think, Feel, Act. Be sure that your thoughts, feelings, and behavior all focus on your goals, rather than your frustrations with your situation, or any negative feelings you may have. Keep your self-talk positive and optimistic; engage in visualizations each day that reflect the life you want; work on your plan of action. If you do this, you should find you make quick strides toward the life you want.
Accept What Is. Rather than spending every day focused on what you don’t like about your life and wishing things were different, try to come to terms with the bad as well as the good. This doesn’t mean that you don’t make positive changes in your life; it just means you don’t focus on your frustrations everyday. You make peace with what is, while making progress toward what you’d like to have.

A Moment Like This - Leona

Specially dedicated to the coolest friends of mine..The Nyehs & Father Ciken

Friendships are the gift to the man kind. The relation which we get in this world are blood related. But the only relationships which doesnot related to blood is friendship. Friendship has many forms and shapes. It is like water. If we pour the water into a jug it takes the shape of jug. if you pour the same water into a bowl it takes the shape o bowl. Sameway friendships will take a different shapes and sizes according to our heart. Friendship gives pleasure to human beings. Where there is friendship then there will not be any sorrow. When you see a child laughing you will forget your sorrows for a second, sameway when you are with a friend you forget your sorrows.

The world is rotating smoothly because of the friendly hearts in the world. it crosses boundries and share a mutual bonding of love. Friendships will take care of this entire world from problems. If we are friends then our countries will, when our countries are friends then there is not need of weapons. So take weapon named friendship and love and conqure the world with love.

Friend - Mocca

I thank Allah for the life You chose for me

In life we have a choice. Give me a reason and not a choice for i might repeat the mistakes.LOL! Last weekend, my very own best friend throw a remark just as she saw my face. She said,"I saw the pic of u and your sis drinking the watermelon juice...do you know that your sister look so much beautiful than you..and she went on and on". I have a choice either to feel sore about it or to just brush it aside. So I said to her.."Yes I know..and that's why everyone always asked me why can't I be like my sister..and I just want people to know that I can't and I won't because I am one and there can never be a duplication of me and so is my sister".
Hehehehe and I'm proud being me ELINA ARIFFIN born on Sunday morning on the 30th March 1970 just before dawn.Paul always tell me that I should feel good about myself. 2009 is gonna be a better year for me because Allah has sent me a friend, Paul who always make me realised how special I am.LOL! now I sound a lil bit vain huh?
Just before the new year, I sat and and had a long thought about the life I have. Even though I have gone through so much and still going through a hard life..but I kinda like it and I know Allah has chosen the best life just for ELINA ARIFFIN and that I am so bless.
I mean what more do I need? I have my 2 precious kids, I have my wonderful funny and crazy family, I have my crazy pantry friends at work(they are simply the best..ooppsss they deserve to have their names mention here: Zuriani, Sherry Mambo, Azlan Bapak Ayam, PakTeh,Rosli, Kak Neng Mami,Sammy Boy and a few more)



I have a career, a nice boss whom I report directly to(oh he too deserves to have his name mentioned here..the credit goes to my lovely boss En Azli Paat the bumiputera genius), I have a comfortable shelter for me, my dad and my 2 kids to stay happily and also another group of good friends that I hang out with most of my time.
Yes I have no boyfriend now and I do at times(which is rare la!) wish I have someone to call my own but I guess I never have luck with relationship so why do I need to worry over something which is not really gonna bring me happiness. And now that I'm on my own, I get to be me ELINA ARIFFIN. So for all the above mentioned..I truly thank Allah for giving me the life I have and I truly love you my Creator, My Best Friend of the Universe, my Provider and my Guardian. Allahu Akhbar!

The Light Og Guidance

I was coming back from a long journey, and Allaah decreed that my seat in the airplane should be beside a group of carefree young men whose loud laughter and voices were too much, and the air was filled with clouds of smoke from their cigarettes. By the wisdom of Allaah, the plane was completely full and I could not change my seat.
I tried to escape from the problem by sleeping, but it was impossible… When I got fed up of their noise, I took out my Mus-haf (copy of the Qur’aan), and started to read what I could of the Qur’aan in a soft voice. Soon after that these young men started to quieten down. Some of them started to read newspapers, and some of them fell asleep.
Suddenly one of them said in a loud voice, even though he was sitting right next to me, “Enough! Enough!”
I thought that I had disturbed him because my voice was too loud, so I apologized to him and carried on reading in a whisper that only I could hear. I saw him holding his head in his hands, then fidgeting in his seat, moving a lot. Then he raised his head and said to me angrily, “Please, stop it, I can’t stand it!!”
Then he got up from his seat and went away for a while, then he came back, greeted me with salaams, and apologized. He fell silent, and I did not know what was going on. But after a while he turned to me with his eyes full of tears and said to me in a whisper, "For three years or more I have not put my forehead on the ground, and I have not read even one aayah!
For a whole month I have been on this trip, and there is no evil action that I did not indulge in. Then I saw you reading Qur’aan, and my world turned black and my heart was filled with despair. I felt as if someone was strangling me… I felt every aayah that you read coming down on my body like a whip.
I said to myself, for how long will this negligence go on? Where will this path lead you? What will happen after all this foolish play? Then I went to the washroom, do you know why?
I had the strong urge to weep, and I could not find anywhere else to hide from the people’s sight!”
I spoke to him in general terms about tawbah (repentance) and turning back to Allaah, then he fell silent.
When the plane landed, he stopped me, and it seemed that he wanted to keep away from his companions. He asked me, with a serious expression on his face, “Do you think that Allaah will accept my repentance?” I said, “If you are sincere and serious in your repentance, then Allaah will forgive all your sins.”
He said, “But I have done terrible things, very terrible.”
I said, “Have you not heard what Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
‘Say: O ‘Ibaadi (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allaah, verily, Allaah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful’ [al-Zumar 39:53]?”
I saw him smiling with joy, with his eyes filled with tears, then he bade me farewell and left. Subhaan Allaah al-‘Azeem!
No matter how great a man's evil and sin, in his heart there is a seed of goodness. If only we can reach it and make it grow, it will bear fruit, insha'Allaah.
This seed of goodness is always fighting in man's heart, even when it is covered by layers of whims and desires. When Allaah wills good for His slave, He causes the light of guidance to shine in his heart and guides him to the path of those who are guided. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And whomsoever Allaah wills to guide, He opens his breast to Islam; and whomsoever He wills to send astray, He makes his breast closed and constricted, as if he is climbing up to the sky” [al-An’aam 6:125]

Always

Their marriage was good, their dreams focused. Their best friends lived barely a wave away. I can see them now, Dad in trousers, work shirt and a hat; and Mom in a house dress, lawn mower in one hand, and dish-towel in the other. It was the time for fixing things: a curtain rod, the kitchen radio, screen door, the oven door, the hem in a dress. Things we keep.
It was a way of life, and sometimes it made me crazy. All that re-fixing, re-heating leftovers, renewing; I wanted just once to be wasteful. Waste meant affluence. Throwing things away meant you knew there'd always be more.
But when my mother died, and I was standing in that clear morning light in the warmth of the hospital room, I was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn't any more.
Sometimes, what we care about most gets all used up and goes away...never to return. So... While we have it, it's best we love it... And care for it... And fix it when it's broken.... And heal it when it's sick.
This is true: For marriage... And old cars.... And children with bad report cards... Dogs and cats with bad hips... And aging parents... And grandparents. We keep them because they are worth it, because we are worth it. Some things we keep, like a best friend that moved away or a classmate we grew up with.
There are just some things that make life important,
like people we know who are special... And so, we keep them close!