2 weeks ago I was assigned to handle this big government project. In a way I am glad that I have been entrusted to handle this project. Handling it is interesting and what made it more challenging is that the deadlines to some are ridiculous. Some of my colleagues asked me why did I commit to this project when I was given only a month to deliver.
Well actually its shorter than a month and the project is worth million ringgit and one of my client involved in this project told me "Ellie please don't let me down with this project". I might looked cool on the outside but deep down inside of me, only Allah knows. 1. I don't have enough man power and 2. the time given for this big project is insufficient. But like I mentioned before, I am a work junky and I am addicted to challenging task and its like smoking pot.
I am shutting out some of the remarks my friends made. Some said " I do not have confident that you can achieve this project by the 18th", and some when i mentioned that I will have to sacrifice my Eidul Fitri holiday on 22nd September because I might have to work on that particular day, I got remarks such as "It's OK if you have to work on that day because you don't have home town to go back to" and worst of all the remarks was " It's ok because you don't have a husband and a hometown".
They do not know how those selfish remarks cut me like a knife. They do not realized how sensitive those remarks can be. So What I am gonna do is Shut myself into my imaginary place called My NUMB WORLD. In my Numb World, I made friend with something called PEACE.
In my Numb World, I close my eyes and see a perfect life. Inside my mind, dreaming only the days ahead. Wanted and wished for more than now or the days behind.
Every night before I go to bed, I always have this time where I called " My moment with my Best Friend (The Almighty Allah)". This is the moment where every night at 12 am, I will sit at my window in my room and talk to Him. I will tell Him how my day went for the day. Yes He always knew how my day went because He is always watching over me but Allah said He never get bored listening to my stories everyday. He would then explained to me why as compared me to my other friends, He decided to test me with lots of issues.
He said it's because He doesn't want me to forget Him not for a second. He also said that with all the issues that I have to go through in life, I will see things better as compare to others. He also told me that some of His servant, when they are tested with calamity(problems), they would then said "Oh Allah, I am sorry. I want to repent...but then when Allah lifted the problems, they forgot the promise they made and went back to the way they were".
Allah was the One who taught me to go to my Numb World whenever I am hurt. Its the best moment in my life where I find tranquility and solace.
