Life with A Peaceful Soul

I finally got my new lappy replacing the old one. The old one which I had for 4 years finally came to its end on 23rd September 09. This time I got a mini HP, easy for me to carry it around., just 10.2 inch. The past few days I could not pen down my inner thoughts in my blog before i went to bed because I didnt have my lappy.
I am writing this blog at the moment with my breakfast in bed ,made by Spidey. Pancake with honey. Yummy yummy. He told me just now,"Umi I burned my pinky finger while making the pancake for you"..so i took that little pinky finger of his and gave a gentle blow of love with a Bismillah.
Life is just so beautiful, thanks to Allah for giving me this simple life but yet full of excitements and adventures. On top of that He compliments my life with 2 beautiful angels and a family that I will not trade for anything or any amount of money in the world. Just when I thought my life is complete, He spiced up a lil bit more by sending Q in my life. when 3 close friends of mine turned against me, he came into my life and though its sad to lose friends that have been with me everyday the past 4 years, he made it OK for me. In fact more than just an OK.
I finally get to know someone who is nice, simple and interesting. He gives me space and understand my time pretty well. Yesterday while in the car with Nini after dinner, I told her about things I want in life. I was born with luxuries in life until the day my mom passed away. Since that day, i were a total lost. I went on a 'happiness' spree hunting. Thats when I got married for the wrong reason and after the divorce i keep on searching but didnt find what I were looking for.
I just want a simple life, with just enough for me, and my angels to live. I don't need any extra. I can look for a rich man if I want to..someone offered me before : A Fix Deposit, a car, a house and monthly cash to spend and A BODY GUARD. He gave me a month to think about his proposals and on the 13th of February 2008, i gave him my answer. Thanks but NO THANK YOU.
Now Allah sent someone that is exactly as what I wrote in my yellow diary 20 years ago. Is this a test or is this for real. But still taking it a day at time so that I wont freak out like usual when someone made a confession on their interest towards me.
Well kinda scared what I am feeling now..but this time I will love a person for the sake of Allah. Its time I change my reasons..and I know when you do something for the sake of Allah,everything will fall into places..just the best way for us.Because Allah knows whats best for everyone.

Missing An Envolope Icon Today

Since my lappy crashed on Wednesday last week, I couldn't do any work. And I haven't been online at night ever since. Thank God I can still send him text messages. Every morning, first thing i would do when I reached the office, since I no longer spent my time at the pantry in the morning, I would sit at Sadiq's place, ON his PC and check my gmail. Can't access my DAPAT mail through Sadiq's PC. But Thank God, any email sent to my DAPAT mail will be sent a copy to my gmail account. The 2nd tab will be my 'T'.
Always look forward to see that closed envelope icon from someone. It never fail to put a smile on my face. But today, there were none in my inbox. :( Somehow I do received an email from him at my gmail account. Another treasure hunt email.

Suppose to get my new lappy today but I had to go to Pernama to install something at their server. But the time my tech guy and me settled the whole thingy, it was already 1.00pm. Its too late to go to Low Yatt KL to get my new lappy. Cashed out the cheque for the new lappy, passed the money to Sadiq, and he will get the lappy for me tomorrow morning. Looks like tonight home alone again with no lappy. Will collect it tomorrow nite at Sadiq's place.

To my very Special Buddy RMB

New Graphics

RMB is someone very special to me. Even though we broke up long time ago, but we remain as best friend forever. I am glad even though we are not together, he remains as a good Muslim. I were afraid that he might turn back to be a Jehovah Witness but Alhamdulillah Allah has protected his faith and made him a better Muslim than the born Muslim. If his girlfriend finds out that he is in contact with me, he will be so dead. But the reason that we are still in contact because he still wants me to teach him. So its a hush hush situation.

MySpace Graphics

Today on my YM I told him about this someone very special I know. He told me "I just pray this man Treats you the way i Dreamed of Loving you". Allah Knows you need some one to hold you and a sholder to cry on somethinmg i longed to be but neevr got the chance to.and so now i Pray that He care for you the way you Deserve to Be".
He gave me a song after saying those words. Very nice song but very sad for me.

Every word in the song tells everything he feels, the day I had to let go of the relationship for a reason only Allah knows. But now I am glad that I am still given the privilege to teach him. Just need to make sure he is able to read the Quran before I close my eyes.

IM walking on Air

Yesterday, were feeling sad when I 'AGAIN' had to INDIRECTLY helped someone pull another scam. Its been years of keeping his secret, that it really eats me inside. I pray to Allah to forgive me for not able to voice out to anyone about the scam.
I couldn't focus on my work that I text Q,asking for his opinion. Didnt want to disturb Nini as at that moment, she was meeting this one guy whom she has been looking forward to meet. But could tell him the details. And 10 mins later he replied me saying " Cant give my opinion on the alleged scam.Still too much I dont know, and your position in that matter. Hope u're just a bystander. 'HAD' meaning he forced you to? And you know for sure it was against the rule? Like I said, too much q to ask...." I truly understand when its hard for Q to give me an opinion when he doesnt know the whole situation. And it wouldnt be fair to him either.
So i decided to just pack my things, and told Allah to forgive me for having to be involved indirectly.And just as I said, "wish there would be earthquake and the roof would just collapse..." suddenly I saw the plants at my desk started to dance and then i started to feel the earthquake tremor. Woops! guess i said it at the wrong time. In my heart i said " Ok I take that back".
Rush back home, hoping to to be there in time to accompany my dad for his 'buka puasa'. But just as I reached home, Ridhwan started to tell me his chest hurt and he is having difficulty in breathing. And at that moment, perhaps partly due to what happen earlier about the scam, I just lost my patience towards Ridhwan. On top of the thing that had just happened, since weekend, I haven't had a proper sleep and have been rushing to the hospital almost every 2-3 days. And having to have sleepless nights taking care of Spidey. Helping him to cope with his asthma. At times, i just dont know what else to do.
So i asked him to sit infront of me and gave him a 20mins piece of mind. I want him to fight. I want him to be a fighter like me. With my condition, I know I am not gonna be long. Unless Allah wants it otherwise. I want him to learn TO NEVER JUSTIFY in life. I want him to see the possibles in every impossibles. He started crying taking my hand and kiss them and kept on apologising. As much as my heart was melting at that moment, I didnt want to show it to him. And he begged me never to send him to stay with his father.
A few minutes later, his father called. He asked me to accompany him to see Spidey's original doctor at KJMC. He just didnt trust the doctor at University Hospital. And he needed me to be around because only I know the dosage of medicine Spidey has to take. While waiting to see the doctor, Spidey and his father went to the surau to do Maghrib prayer when jsut before salam, Spidey was having difficulty in breathing.Met the doctor and another nebulizer but thank God he was ok after that.
On the way back, I text Q, asking him what the note he sent to my T all about? He wouldnt tell but asked me to read the note when I get the opportunity to get online. ALready its bad enough, I havent got my new lappy. When i reached home i locked myself in my room for a moment because I couldnt help but to shed my tears. I couldnt wait until tomorrow to read the message at the office, so got into my car, drove to nini's place and told her i just need to read one message on T.
My heart was going at the rate of 110km per sec, afraid to read the message but still put up the courage to finally read the message. After reading the message, i told myself, "I am just gonna call this guy for the first time...and he better pick up the phone" because i know if i were to reply the message it can be misunderstood again.
I close my eyes, feeling nervous, with Bismillah, I dialled his number. Hearing the ringing tone almost had me hang up the phone but just before i could do that, I heard this nice gentleman's voice on the other end. I paused awhile to clear my throat before i started talking like a choo choo train. And i can hear him laughing in amusement probably the way I talked.
We talked for an hour until his battery couldnt take it anymore and the line got disconnected. And later at 1am, we text each other til 2.45am. God! I love this guy..oopps!I j love his simplicity, his simple mind and simple way of life. Speaking of which, he told me he never used a handphone before til 2 months ago. I know it's wierd but i believe its true.
Hehehe so I told him, how beautiful the way Allah arranged things. Allah made him used handphone only 2 months ago because Allah knows He was sending me to get to know Q, and Allah made him wrote those misinterpretation note at my T and that gave me the reason to finally have the guts to call him.
The funny and kinda scary thing that happened towards our last SMS. I text him a goodnite msg and click SEND at the same time I close my eyes and whisper "God i wish I can tell Q 'Love U''. The next SMS came from him was "I LOVE YOU TOO". That made me jumped and couldnt stop staring at the phone screen with again my heart beat ran at the speed of 110km per sec. I looked up at the sky and I told God, ok this is the 2nd thing for today you gave me an immediate answer. 1. the earth quake tremor and 2. this SMS.
Finally I closed the flip, push my phone under my pillow and slept like a baby and woke up at 5am.

Journey To The Land Of Eternity

Allah is the Greatest.
When we are leaving this world for the next one, it shall be like a trip to another country.Where details of that country won't be found in glamorous travel brochures but in the Holy Qura'an and the Hadiths.Where our plane won't be Indian Air Lines, British Airways, Gulf Air or Emirates, but Air Janazah.
Where our luggage won't be the allowed 30 Kgs, but our deeds no matter how heavy they weigh.You don't pay for excess luggage. They are carried free of charge,with your Creator's compliment.
Where our dress won't be a Pierre Cardin suit or the like but the white cotton shroud.Where our perfume won't be Channel, Paco Rabane, but the camphor and attar.Where our passports won't be Indian, British, French or American but Al Islam.
Where our visa won't be the 6 months leave to stay or else, but, The"La Ilaha Illallah".Where the air hostess won't be a gorgeous female, but Isra'iil and its like.Where the in-flight services won't be 1st class or economy but a piece of beautifully scented or foul smelling cloth.
Where our place of destination won't be Heathrow Terminal 1 or Jeddah International Terminal but the last Terminal Graveyard. Where our waiting lounge won't be nice carpeted and air-conditioned rooms but the 6 feet deep gloomy Qabr.Where the Immigration Officer won't be His Majesty's officers, but Munkar and Nakeer.
They only check out whether you deserve the place you yearn to go.Where there is no need for Customs Officers or detectors.Where the transit airport will be Al Barzakh.Where our final place of destination will be either the Garden under
which rivers flow or the Hellfire.This trip does not come with a price tag. It is free of charge, so your savings would not come handy.This flight can never be hijacked so do not worry about terrorists.Food won't be served on this flight so do not worry about your allergies or whether the food is Halal.
Do not worry about legroom; you won't need it, as your legs will become things of the past.Do not worry about delays. This flight is always punctual. It arrives
and leaves on time.Do not worry about the in-flight entertainment program because you would have lost all your sense of joy.Do not worry about booking this trip, it has already been booked, the day you became a fetus in your mother's womb.
Ah! At last good news! Do not worry about who will be sitting next to you.You will have the luxury of being the only passenger. So enjoy it while you can. If only you can!One small snag though, this trip comes with no warning.Are you prepared.....you better be!

The Mystery In Our Life

The problem we face will either defeat us or develop us...depending on how we respond to them. Unfortunately most people fail to see how God wants to use problems for the goodness in their lives. The react foolishly and resent their problem rather than pausing to consider what benefit they might bring. Here are 5 ways I see how God wants to use the problem in my life :

God uses problems to DIRECT you. Sometimes God must light a fire under you to get you moving. Problems often point us in a new direction and motivate us to change. Is God trying to get your attention?

God uses problems to inspect you. People are like tea bags……if you want to know what’s inside them…..just drop them into HOT WATER. Have God ever tested your faith with a problem? What do problems reveal about you?

God uses problems to CORRECT you. Some lessons we learn only through pain and failure. It’s likely that as a child your parents told you not to touch hot stove. But you probably learned by being burned. Sometimes we only learn the value of things…..health, money, a relationship by losing it.

God uses problems to PROTECT you. A problem can be blessing in disguise if it prevents you from being harm by something more serious. Last year a friend was fired for refusing to do something unethical that his boss had asked him to do. His unemployment was a problem….but it saved him from being convicted and sent to prison a year later when management’s action were eventually discovered.

God uses problems to PERFECT you. Problem when responded to correctly are character builders. God is far more interested in your character than your comfort. Your relationship to God and your character are the only two things you’re going to take with you eternity.

HERE’S THE POINT: GOD IS AT WORK IN YOUR LIFE……..EVEN WHEN YOU DO NOT RECOGNISE IT OR UNDERSTAND IT. BUT IT’S MUCH EASIER AND PROFITABLE WHEN YOU DO.

YOUR TRULY,ELLIE

Allow Me To Answer Your Questions

Someone asked me in my recent journal titled "Spidey' if there is a serenity prayer because Prophet(pbuh) said"Pray as how you see me pray". True as we are his follower and he is the messenger of Allah, we do things as how he(pbuh) did. Allah sent him(pbuh) to be His messenger and the best perfect teacher to mankind. But when I mentioned my serenity prayer means its my personal "Dua" to Allah everynight when I have my personal conversation with Allah. That is also the time i will be counting my blessing for the day and the unintentional wrong doing for the day. I will not create innovation(Bidaah) as Bidaah is Haram.

There are people who also said to me in a provocative and Cynical, pessimistic, sarcastic, satirical way "Eversince the passed away of the Prophet(pbuh), 1400yrs ++, there hasn't been any in a living history that Allah speaks to us human. Even the prophet needs to travel using the Buraq and bla bla bla...."They even made fun saying "Probably she thinks she is 'Gifted' that Allah speaks to her". Allah never stop talking to any of us. He doesnt speak to us directly as how u and I speak to each other. But He speaks through the Quran, Signs and through your heart and through your sincere prayer.

The Prophet(pbuh) said : "Shall I not inform you all on the best of your works, the purest of them with your Master(Allah), the loftiest of them in your stations, the thing that is betterfor you than spending gold and silver ( in charity), and in better for you that meeting yur enemies and slaying them and being slained by them?" They (the Companions) said, "Of course!". He said "Remembrance of Allah, the Most High."

And he said "Allah the Most high says :'I am with my slave when he thinks of Me and I am with him when he mentions Me to himself, I mention him to Myself; and if he mentions Me in a gathering, I mention him in a superior gathering. If he approaches Me by a hand's width, I approach him by an arm's lenght; and if he approaches me by an arm's lenght, I approach him by two arms' lenght. And if comes to Me walking, I hasten to him swiftly."

5 times prayer is also a way for us to speak to Allah. But tell me how many of us actually pray for the sake of WAJIB but yet do not feel anything while performing the prayers. My point is, there is nothing wrong for us to have our personal time talking to our Creator. Allah misses our conversation with Him, and that's one of the reason why He sometimes gives us 'The Ouuucchh pinch' (problems) because He wants us to ASK HIM, TALK TO HIM.

So for the one person who asked me "Is there a serenity prayer?" I shall say "My Dua to the Almighty is my serenity Prayer". And to those who doesn't think Allah speaks to us, think again and NO it doesnt need to be GIFTED to hear Him. All we need is to get rid of the deadly sins, "Lust", "Gluttony", "Greed", "Sloth", "Wrath", "Envy", and "Pride". Hear NOT but LISTEN..listen with your heart.

Genie in a Bottle...

This morning before I left for work, I stopped at the kitchen just to get me a slice of "On the Go" bread as i need to have something in my tummy before I can take my heavy dose of supplement. Then As I was about to leave the kitchen, my helper stopped me. In her own language, she said, "Bu, last nite Bapak called at about 11pm, when u were at the hospital. He asked me to search for this small bottle of perfume he bought for Ibu at Jeddah. He said he passed it to Rwas(my previous helper who is my current's helper's cousin). And he also told me not to ask you about the perfume. Just look for it and pass it back to him without ibu's knowledge."
I was standing there in the kitchen, just don't know what to say. But then I told my helper, "Ever since I know Bapak, he has never given me anything.., and i said I dont know what perfume, black in colour in a small bottle".
The thing that made my helper curious was when he told her not to inform me..but to just look for the perfume bottle. A small perfume bottle with a black perfume inside. Even the Attar oil is never black in colour.So I told Mila, I don't use perfume since I left the airline and if Bapak secretly passed the thing to Rwas, then I dont know.
Anyway Mila heard the stories from papa what my ex did to me before we split. Dragged me to see this old man who said I have Jinn living inside of me. Yes I am given extra eye that can see the unseen, but I swear in the name of Allah there is no Jinn living inside of me.LOL LOL LOL.
I dont even believe in Bomoh and voodoo stuff. I dont even believe in asking Harun Din or Nik Aziz or whoever people so call proclaimed Wali or orang Alim..because i know ONLY ALLAH can judge on the alim part.
So I told Mila to tell my ex : 1. Ibu doesnt use perfume anymore 2. Ibu said Bapak have never given her any gift in her entire days of knowing him. heheheeh then Mila told me.."No Ibu...ur not supposed to know about him asking me to look for the perfume...
Gosh what is wrong with the Malays! Pray 5 times a day, fast through out the Ramadhan and yet associated with something or someone else besides Allah. I dont know if i ever gonna go to heaven la..but insyaAllah, never shall i get associated with something else beside Allah. Oouucchh!!!!!

Little Sarah's Message

Half hour ago I received a text message from my lil princess Mariposa..heheheh its so funny just have to pen down her Text Message here...
Received from : My Angels
Date : 29 Sept-2009
Time : 09:56
Message : I luv u umi 10.00000000 from Sarah don't forget, POOP PEOPLE ORDER OUR PATIS. MUAH. i MISS U SO 1000000000000000000000000000000(I DIDNT MISS A SINGLE ZERO- COUNTED BEFORE I REWRITE HER MESSAGE)DAHAHAAHAHAHA.

My reply to her : Here comes the tickle monster
her reply to me : OH NO RUNNNNN. Curse u umi!

hehehehe.....how can i not love and adore these 2 angels..its the best angels Allah LOAN to me.

Spidey's Day!

Last night after work, I had to rush home for 2 reasons. 1. My dad was fasting and I need to be at the table to accompany him for his 'Iftar' otherwise he will not eat. He will not eat if I am not at the table. 2. I need to take Ridhwan to the hospital. He had a severe asthma attack during the weekend, but yesterday he was still having difficulty to breathe and whizzing.
I called his father in the evening, wondering if he could take Ridhwan to the hospital and that I would meet them there. Because my office is nearer to the hospital and my ex husband comes home earlier than I do. I thought by him taking my son and i were to meet them there at the hospital, I can be at 2 places without rushing.(Being with my dad during his Iftar and being with my spidey at the hospital).
But as usual, there will always be excuse. He told me something that made me wish I can smack his bloody brain. He said "Oh I THINK I am gonna come down with fever". I THINK?? ABOUT TO??? WTF@#*??????. So I rush back home earlier. Stopped at Sunway Pyramid on the way home to pay my Maxis bill. Then rushed back home and reached home just a few minutes before papa 'Buka Puasa'. I was hungry but I don't know why I couldn't eat then. Just had a glass of pink guava juice. I couldnt rush my dad. He was eating and having a conversation with me.
Glance at the clock on the wall and it was 5mins past 8. And Doctor Syed closes his clinic at 9pm.
The moment my dad got up, I gave him a peck on the cheek and told him i got to take Spidey to the hospital.
Just as I was in my room, my ex husband text me. Those text messages made me so mad that I broke down. He was nagging asking why weren't I at the hospital yet. And as usual his SMS always hurt my feelings. I didnt notice my son was standing at the door when i broke down and I was cursing and swearing at his father for the first time, while crying, until i felt 2 little hands came hugging me from behind and whispered to my ears, 'Umi please dont cry, I love u so much'. It was spidey. He hugged me so hard and told me everything is gonna be ok and he kept saying he loves me.
I wiped my tears, and told him to get ready. Put my daughter to sleep before I left. Left without having a single food. Instead of taking Spidey to his usual hospital at KJMC, I decided to take him to the Governement Hospital(University Hospital). In the car while driving I had to force myself to be ok and made a conversation with Spidey. Didnt want him to feel sad seeing me hurt.
Reached University Hospital at 9.45pm and just as I entered the Emergency Center at the Hospital, my jaw dropped seeing the crowd.
I were telling God, please help me passed through the crowds. He did actually. Just as i went to the register counter, the lady asked me who needed to see the doctor. When I mentioned my son, she told me to go straight to Paediatric Emergency. I took Ridhwan there and Alhamdulillah, I need not have to wait. He was immediately attended by Doctor Huang(i think he is from China). After thorough check ups, the doctor told me that Spidey need to be on steroid(felt sad to hear that, he is only 9 and has to be on steroids?)The doctor gave him his nebulizer and also the steroid. Now he has to use the 2 types of inhaler from previous doctor, now plus extra steroid and aerochambers.
By 12.30 am, everything settled. Only then Spidey's father called asking how's thing? Eeerrrggh!
After the nebulizer, spidey was back to his normal bubbly self coz then he was able to breathe normally. We stop at the Hospital Kopitiam to have our supper. At that moment I were too hungry that i could eat a whole horse. My tummy was playing funny music..couldnt tell if it was hip hop or rap of R&B.It sounded more like the traditional keroncong. I only had 2 half boiled eggs and a slice of toasted bread while spidey always has a huge appetite though he is skinny, had Mee curry. We were talking and laughing and he was making funny faces.
Reached home at 2am, took a nice cold shower, slipped into my boxer short and my camisole, sat on my bed facing the window, do my serenity prayer and told Allah about today and counted my blessing. He pointed out to me things I didnt see earlier when I were upset with my ex hubby.
1. He answered my prayer when i had to face the crowds
2. My children will always be there for me because I am always there for them
3. The quality time i have with the kids is something precious and irreplaceable.
4. The love the kids have for me will grow deeper and deeper day by day.

I close my eyes and gave Allah a spiritual hug and thank Him for everything.

Counting My Blessing

Reached the office at 08.15am. Normally I would go to the pantry the moment I arrived the office but now i don't have any reason anymore since the breakups.Breakfast? I don't usually take breakfast but just a slice of bread 'On The Go'..just because i need to take my 13 capsules of supplement.
Where do I get my energy of 10 horse power from? I don't know. Have always been so hyper and energetic. First thing I did was to go to Sadiq's desk, 'ON' his PC and check my Tagged messages hoping to receive messages from someone I look forward to receive from. Yup there were 7 messages all from him. Read through one by one with my big shiny eyes and a smile on my face. After replying all the messages, took Sadiq's lappy under his desk and here I am typing my blog before I start anything.
Oh before I started writing this particular journal, I went to see my HR. Hehheeh he knows whenever I ..ME in particular knock on his door, he has to prepare the strongest shield. to protect himself..hehehe. He knows when Ellie comes knocking means trouble.LOL. No I am not a trouble maker. First thing I said was "Good morning En Zul, selamat hari raya and I come with a problem first thing in the morning". And he said OK, what seems to be the problem now? And in one breath i said "Last week i didnt take cuti, and the moment i came to work my whole lappy crash and my hard diskwas effected too and its a waste that i couldnt do any work during that three days and I have presentation coming and bla bla bla bla...".(I think it took me 3 minutes and 26 sec explainin in one breath)
Hehehehe as usual, he would look at my face giving that smile that says.."Gosh u are one crazy girl".I was expecting him to say "Well, let see if there is a floating lappy or lets think of something how to solve the problem" but instead, he said OK..Buy a new one then..open the budget form and get Sadiq to get u one". For the first time I was dumbfounded in front of him. And I said thats it, phewww that was easy."(I was scratching my head feeling puzzled...lol lol...coz normally I had to argue with him to get my point).
So i told him, I only want the cheap one ,the small one..no more 14in and above..already my CRUMPLER bag is heavy. So I am just gonna get the Net Book instead. Thank you dear Allah for making life easy for me. You even gave me time to rest last night after my kids were asleep. U took the itchiness away from my princess Mariposa(she got Chicken Pox) and the u made Spidey(with severe asthma attack during the weekend) slept so peacefully through the whole night. I managed to sleep 4 solid hours.
Woke up at 5.30 feeling so fresh and energetic again. Thank you oh Allah for everything. A huge big hug for You.
Rise up this mornin',
Smiled with the risin' sun,
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin' sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,
Sayin', ('This is my message to you)

Singin': 'Don't worry 'bout a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right.'
Singin': 'Don't worry (don't worry) 'bout a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!'

Rise up this mornin',
Smiled with the risin' sun,
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin' sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,
Sayin', 'This is my message to you'

Singin': 'Don't worry about a thing, worry about a thing, oh!
Every little thing gonna be all right. Don't worry!'
Singin': 'Don't worry about a thing' - I won't worry!
''Cause every little thing gonna be all right.'

Singin': 'Don't worry about a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right' - I won't worry!
Singin': 'Don't worry about a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right.'
Singin': 'Don't worry about a thing, oh no!
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!