Ellie..forgive Ellie...FORGIVE...

Woke up when my phone rang...at first i just ignored it thinking must be that psychopathic woman's call AGAIN. Every morning from 8am till almost midnight for the past 3weeks, she would be harassing me with her calls and her text messages. But when i looked at the phone, it was my ex husband. By the time i was about to answer the phone, the call ended. Closed back my eyes but then i heard a text message notification. Its from my ex husband asking me to pay him RM5k. The money which I used for our children when i was still his wife.
I just asked Allah, what's coming next. Bringing up my children without any alimony from him isn't easy. Everyone asked me to ignore the payment as it was suppose to be his responsibilities to support the kids expenses but i don't think I can ignore. At this moment too many things on my mind and it really drives me nuts. But what I am gonna do is to forgive.
Divorce is horrible, painful and when children are involved, it become more difficult. You have every right to go on hating the one that caused you so much heartache and misery but the longer you do the deeper and the deeper your bitterness is going to dig and it is harder for you to move on. Forgiving your ex is the first step down a path to real healing even if my ex intention as he pledged is to see me crawl and suffer.

First, take a deep breath then pray. Pray Hard. Ask for strength because you are going to need it. Ask Him for comfort and mercy. Ask Him to help you forgive the way that He has forgiven you. This first step is very important and should not be left out. You must understand how important it is for you to forgive your ex no matter what he has done to you or how hard it may be. This process can take days, weeks, months, but it must be done.

First step for me to forgive:
Forgive myself for marrying him
Forgive myself for not making all the wrong choice
Forgive myself for getting a divorce
Forgive myself for making my kids grow up in a broken home
Forgive myself for putting up with the abuse for so long
Forgive myself for not being a wife he wanted
Forgive myself of anything and everything that makes me feel the tiniest bit of guilty.
Allah please have mercy on me. Please help me go through this misery I am going through right now. You are my Savior and you are my strength. Ameen.
From now on every time I think of a way that i were being hurt by my ex, every time I start to feel angry that my life is not what i expect it to be, or have any negative thoughts about my ex, I am gonna keep saying, "I forgive him for this and take a deep breath and think about something else. I will find a way to occupy my mind with something positive.
The point is to reinforce the fact that i have already forgiven him and insure that i am not dwelling on something that is gonna stir up more pain and cause me to reconsider my forgiveness.

Troubles...

One day a girl had a pile of troubles, fears and woes stacked so high that she lost track of which was which and what was what. One day she fell down, down so far that everything was shattered; her hopes, dreams and happiness.

Someone asked what was wrong and it was someone who this girl did not want to say anything to or dump anything on. She didn't tell anyone anything and dragged everything with her through her life and still does.

"What's wrong" someone asked. "Nothing," she said. Others also followed that pattern, all but one. This woman quietly slipped her out of the crowd and took her to a quiet place and simply said, "Can I help?"

"Not unless you can change the past," the girl replied. The woman said, "I can't change the past and I can't change anything, but God can change the world and he cares."

That was enough to set the girl into an uncontrollable shockwave of pain and her past flooded her. Her hurts and fears fell on her like a ton of bricks and she cried herself into comfort. The woman hugged her and instead of saying 'everything will be alright', she just held the girl and cried with her.

Sometimes you don't need to ask questions. Sometimes things just fall down around people and they don't know where to turn or where to go or what to do.

Be like the woman in this story and cry with, instead of telling people to 'get over it'. Things wound and scar, but things can wound and heal and never be seen or thought of again. Sometimes you cannot understand certain things. Certain things don't need to be understood.

Overcome...

"When it seems you have lost the battle of life, when you feel deserted even among your loved ones, when all you strength and determination seems to fly away in the Horizon, in just one dolt; when you repent over the loss of your most precious gifts in life, through no fault of yours, remember one thing; nothing is constant and permanent in this world. Neither time nor life, neither solution nor problems, neither precaution nor cure, neither success nor failure.

The thing you feel you have lost, was never yours, be it materialistic or a treasured relation, job or a person. You acquired it in the process of fighting the battle of time. Remember, you lose only when you possess it in the first place. It is you who achieved success in all the fronts of life. If you can do it once, you can do it again.

Do not lose hope. Have faith and belief in yourself. Every human is born with a purpose in life. Think positive. One day these positive vibrations will attract and attach new strings in your life. These strings will create and bring the harmony and music in your faded life. Your life will become a musical note once again."

Thank you Obit San For The Video

Last week a friend of mine, Azlan tagged a video on my Facebook wall and somehow i just love the song that came with the video. Tried looking for it on Youtube and 4shared. Unfortunately i couldn't find it. So i decided to ask one of my dearest friend(obit san) if he has that song and if he can make a video for me with that particular song..Guess what..he actually made a video with the song and lyric upon my request. This video is credited to my dearest friend Obit San...thank you babe.

The lyric is simply beautiful and it means something to me...Some might know why and for dome who doesnt know, it's ok..just sit back, relax and enjoy the song