Friday, April 16, 2010
Specially dedicated to Dr Fatima N Qel
There (on the Day of Resurrection), Al-Walayah (the protection, power, authority and kingdom) will be for Allah (Alone), the True God. He (Allah) is the Best for reward and the Best for the final end. (La ilaha ill-Allah none has the right to be worshipped but Allah).
“Pada saat yang sedemikian itu kekuasaan memberi pertolongan hanya tertentu bagi Allah, Tuhan yang sebenar-benarnya; Dia lah sebaik-baik pemberi pahala, dan sebaik-baik pemberi kesudahan yang berbahagia (kepada hamba-hambaNya yang taat)” [al-Kahf 18: 44]
The past 2 months, I have to check my blood reading every Monday and Friday. 8 weeks the reading has been so hay wired. I have been bleeding since mid March but only spotting. Never had that problem before. It started on the day my period was supposed to due. At first I thought it was because of the "Kunyit drink" I have been taking for my cancer. My best friend told me it could also be that I'm facing menopause but i was only gonna be 40years old in 17days time at that moment. I went to do my check up with my gynecology specialist. She did scanning and check ups but couldn't find anything wrong with my uterus.
Then they checked my blood, and my blood showed something was wrong but doctor said it could be because of my bone cancer. Since then I had to do blood test every 3 days. Each result puzzled my doctor. Then 3 weeks ago on Saturday morning, I was taking my shower suddenly lots of blood dripping on the toilet floor. It scared the hell out of me. Since my next blood check up was coming Monday which was 2 days away, i decided to wait until then. Monday morning at 7.45am i was at the hospital.
Dr Fatima arrived and straight away called me into her room and checked on me..by then my whole uterus was filled up with blood. But with the scanning ,she still couldn't find anything in my uterus except blood. My bleeding became so heavy. The first 7 days I used up 30 pieces of pad. Had to buy another 30 pieces. The bleeding was soo heavy that its triple of what i have on my heavy days period.
Last Sunday at home I collapsed in my room. When to see the doctor my blood pressure was very low. Next scanning only showed more blood in my uterus and i was prescribed with very strong antibiotic to save my whole production organ.
Last night Qel told me he will do extra prayer for me..he was gonna begged Allah to have His mercy on me. I heard his trembling voice, I knew he wanted to cry but tried hard not to. This morning, I woke up and told Allah "please don't let it be a uterus tumor or anything dangerous, for I am still fighting for my bone cancer".
Reached the hospital this morning at 7.50am..first to arrive. Qel sent me a text message "Imagine me holding ur hand and walk with you sayang..oopppss forgot ur morning kiss..muuuuaaaahhhsss"..that really put a smile on my face. He wanted to come down to KL but i told him No because there is nothing him or anyone can do to help except God.
Then the number appear on the screen..3001. I got up and told God in my heart hear goes my result.The moment i opened the door, Dr. Fatima smile and said good morning elina..how are u feeling today...? I said after 3 weeks, this morning my bleeding suddenly stopped. She looked so delighted. When I sat down, she look at me and put her hand on my knee and said "today Im gonna do whole check up but I'm gonna waive every charges for today. I tak sampai hati to see you go through this..i think u have gone through so much of this complication on top of the bone cancer"
I was speechless. Then she said "ok come lets do all the scanning. She did 2 types of scanning and was surprised herself. My uterus was cleared and clean, no more blood and the shape has gone back to normal. Then she looked at me and said insyaAllah you will be ok and not uterus tumor or anything dangerous but we just take your blood reading and I will call you today evening"...I was speechless and my tears just rolled down my cheeks.At that moment all my heart couldnt stop thanking Allah for the miracle.
Before i left her room, she said "Elina.."..and when i turned around she said "Please tell ridhwan & Sarah, Untie Fatima and her son will pray for their mother everyday until she is cured from her cancer. Doctor Fatima has been my doctor since 1999. She is the first specialist doctor that really cares for her patient sincerely and help them not for the sake of money. Got in the car first person I called was Qel to tell him God answered his Tahajud prayer.
Thank you oh Allah..I can never thank you enough. Qel text me "He is the most passionate and the most merciful. Our guilt for doubting Him at times"....Forgive me my dear Almighty and I pray to You to bless Dr Fatima always.
HERE IS A SPECIAL DEDICATION TO MY SWEETHEART QEL FOR SINCERELY HOLDING MY HAND AND WALK THIS JOURNEY OF MINE WHICH IS FULL OF OBSTACLES. DESPITE MY MEDICAL CONDITIONS WHICH MOST GUYS WOULD JUST DUMPED ME. WHEN I GAVE HIM THE OPTION TO LEAVE ME BECAUSE OF MY CONDITION AND ASKED HIM TO FIND SOMEONE PERFECT....THIS IS HIS REPLY " LET ME TELL YOU THAT DESPITE WHAT GO THROUGH YESTERDAY, TODAY OR TOMORROW, YOU WILL ALWAYS BE THE PERFECT ONE FOR ME"
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
I will continue fighting...
SHEILA & I during our visit to Kulim in March'10
Yesterday my friend Sheila who is also battling with cancer called me. She called to tell me the outcome of her check up. From her voice i could tell that it was gonna be a good news. Indeed it was. I was so happy for her...we both have different type of cancer. She has 2nd stage breast cancer and I have first stage Chondrosarcoma. (a type of bone cancer which attacks the ligament of the long limp). But I don't know why when I was happy for Sheila, I was also feeling sad thinking that mine is still on going when mine is only first stage.
The same night I called Qel..told him the good news about Sheila's condition. Out of sudden I burst out crying sobbing on my knee. I know Qel has never heard me sobbing like that..he kept saying "Sayaaaannnggg continue talking to me please..talk to me. I'm gonna be here for you" I just couldn't talk anymore. I couldn't thank Qel enough for being so patient with my condition. He talked to me till 2am.
Cancer, the dreaded "C" word. It has become such an epidemic in our society that people are loath to even mention its name. Cancer is a disease that can affect many different parts of the body. Some of these diseases are more serious than others. It is not only the disease that is painful but also the many way of treating it. Radiation treatments may kill the cancer but are also dangerous for the body. Chemotherapy comes with many side affects such as hair loss and severe nausea. The many faces of this disease challenge an individual to show their fighting spirit and will to live.
The doctor told me I have a "good cancer".
I never knew there was a better type of cancer to have.
They said it's treatable so its a better cancer to have.
Why do I have to have any type of cancer?
It caused as much pain.
It made myself and loved ones worry just as much.
I might loss my hair like other people with cancer
I still have to take medications everyday to keep myself alive.
I go to bed every night praying I'll wake up the next day
My dad still cry and worry that he will outlive his daughter.
I still have to see doctors all the time.
I look tired all the time
I don't understand how this is a "good cancer"
I've been beating my cancer almost 2 years now
Like other cancers,it can come back when it wants to.
I still have to get cancer scans & tension rise out of worry
I have to stop my medication and put in an isolation
Like other people with cancer, I always end up thinking I might not survive my cancer
Most associate the word cancer with death
How is this "good"
I'm not gonna give up though
I refuse to let my family bury me
I want to be that crazy bubbly girl that i used to be
I refused to stop dating
I refuse to stop planning for my future
I want to get married to my boyfriend
Yes Ive become stronger from all this
However, i don't see how it can still be a "good" cancer
The same night I called Qel..told him the good news about Sheila's condition. Out of sudden I burst out crying sobbing on my knee. I know Qel has never heard me sobbing like that..he kept saying "Sayaaaannnggg continue talking to me please..talk to me. I'm gonna be here for you" I just couldn't talk anymore. I couldn't thank Qel enough for being so patient with my condition. He talked to me till 2am.
Cancer, the dreaded "C" word. It has become such an epidemic in our society that people are loath to even mention its name. Cancer is a disease that can affect many different parts of the body. Some of these diseases are more serious than others. It is not only the disease that is painful but also the many way of treating it. Radiation treatments may kill the cancer but are also dangerous for the body. Chemotherapy comes with many side affects such as hair loss and severe nausea. The many faces of this disease challenge an individual to show their fighting spirit and will to live.
The doctor told me I have a "good cancer".
I never knew there was a better type of cancer to have.
They said it's treatable so its a better cancer to have.
Why do I have to have any type of cancer?
It caused as much pain.
It made myself and loved ones worry just as much.
I might loss my hair like other people with cancer
I still have to take medications everyday to keep myself alive.
I go to bed every night praying I'll wake up the next day
My dad still cry and worry that he will outlive his daughter.
I still have to see doctors all the time.
I look tired all the time
I don't understand how this is a "good cancer"
I've been beating my cancer almost 2 years now
Like other cancers,it can come back when it wants to.
I still have to get cancer scans & tension rise out of worry
I have to stop my medication and put in an isolation
Like other people with cancer, I always end up thinking I might not survive my cancer
Most associate the word cancer with death
How is this "good"
I'm not gonna give up though
I refuse to let my family bury me
I want to be that crazy bubbly girl that i used to be
I refused to stop dating
I refuse to stop planning for my future
I want to get married to my boyfriend
Yes Ive become stronger from all this
However, i don't see how it can still be a "good" cancer
I Forgive You
About a month ago, I received an apology message in my Facebook inbox. At first I thought it was some kind of a practical joke because it came from an unknown person who's age is half my age and in her message, she said she was sorry for hurting my feeling about 23 years ago. (Yes I used "SHE" instead of "HE" on this paragraph)
I can't remember if anyone ever hurt me then as I don't hold grudges. No matter how much a person can hurt me, I will always put up my hand and tell God, I forgive him/her so please forgive him/her my dear Almighty. I always believe in FORGIVE AND FORGET because I don't like having black dots in my heart.
Then just about 2 weeks ago, on weekend over dinner, my sister mentioned about my very first guy i dated and whom i called "my boyfriend". I was very young then...19years old. I never knew about love for a guy before that..not even during my teenage years. I came from a very strict family. The girls in the family were not allowed to have boyfriends even if they were just friends..vice versa for the boys in the family.
A week after that, on my Blackberry i got a notification for a friend request at my Facebook. It was around 2 am. The name triggered my memory but I told myself..naaaahhh couldn't be but i just click approved.
The next day at work, before i started my work, i just got on my FB. I got another message from this person asking for my contact and it was confirmed he was my very first boyfriend. I replied with my contact number and then signed out and focus on my work. 2 days ago, i received a called from unfamiliar number..The person just kept quiet but i could hear kids behind. So i just said "To whoever this is, the next time if you want to call, please talk and i hang up".
Later during the night, my phone rang again and it was the same number. Finally he spoke and introduced himself. We talked awhile. He kept apologizing for something that happened 22 years ago. I told him I have already forgiven him back then..the day i left Ipoh to join MAS as a cabin crew. He asked me if i remembered the songs we both loved back then? I named them all from Bobby Brown- Don't Be Cruel to Milli Vanilli and etc etc. LOL!
He told me that the past 5-6 months he has been following my blog and have read every each journal of mine...i think he is the first person kot that have read every journal in this blog. After I put down the phone, I couldn't sleep because i need to let my boyfriend Qel know. I don't keep secret and so I text Qel. In the message I told him " Sweetheart the next time we see each other please remind me to tell you something. I can't tell you now because i need you to look into my eyes when I tell you this so that you will know that I am telling you the truth".
Qel replied. He wanted to know that very night and promise me that he will not get upset. So I called him and told him the whole thing. Then he told me, "Baby after your numerous visit to Kulim, I know you very well already, its OK and I am not jealous neither am I angry". That moment I felt so much better. I can never hide things from Qel. Thank God he was Ok about it.
That night I slept peacefully. And I am also glad that even though things between me and my ex boyfriend didn't workout back then...but now we are friends. Just like Mike and I. We broke up but end up being the best of the best friends.
I can't remember if anyone ever hurt me then as I don't hold grudges. No matter how much a person can hurt me, I will always put up my hand and tell God, I forgive him/her so please forgive him/her my dear Almighty. I always believe in FORGIVE AND FORGET because I don't like having black dots in my heart.
Then just about 2 weeks ago, on weekend over dinner, my sister mentioned about my very first guy i dated and whom i called "my boyfriend". I was very young then...19years old. I never knew about love for a guy before that..not even during my teenage years. I came from a very strict family. The girls in the family were not allowed to have boyfriends even if they were just friends..vice versa for the boys in the family.
A week after that, on my Blackberry i got a notification for a friend request at my Facebook. It was around 2 am. The name triggered my memory but I told myself..naaaahhh couldn't be but i just click approved.
The next day at work, before i started my work, i just got on my FB. I got another message from this person asking for my contact and it was confirmed he was my very first boyfriend. I replied with my contact number and then signed out and focus on my work. 2 days ago, i received a called from unfamiliar number..The person just kept quiet but i could hear kids behind. So i just said "To whoever this is, the next time if you want to call, please talk and i hang up".
Later during the night, my phone rang again and it was the same number. Finally he spoke and introduced himself. We talked awhile. He kept apologizing for something that happened 22 years ago. I told him I have already forgiven him back then..the day i left Ipoh to join MAS as a cabin crew. He asked me if i remembered the songs we both loved back then? I named them all from Bobby Brown- Don't Be Cruel to Milli Vanilli and etc etc. LOL!
He told me that the past 5-6 months he has been following my blog and have read every each journal of mine...i think he is the first person kot that have read every journal in this blog. After I put down the phone, I couldn't sleep because i need to let my boyfriend Qel know. I don't keep secret and so I text Qel. In the message I told him " Sweetheart the next time we see each other please remind me to tell you something. I can't tell you now because i need you to look into my eyes when I tell you this so that you will know that I am telling you the truth".
Qel replied. He wanted to know that very night and promise me that he will not get upset. So I called him and told him the whole thing. Then he told me, "Baby after your numerous visit to Kulim, I know you very well already, its OK and I am not jealous neither am I angry". That moment I felt so much better. I can never hide things from Qel. Thank God he was Ok about it.
That night I slept peacefully. And I am also glad that even though things between me and my ex boyfriend didn't workout back then...but now we are friends. Just like Mike and I. We broke up but end up being the best of the best friends.
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