Beware Of The Blackman Syndicate

Last night while all my friends were out celebrating New Year, I was at home with my Blogging, when my ex colleague buzz me on YM. She was all excited telling me about her boyfriend she knew on the Net. But the moment she told me, the guy had sent her a parcel, a Christmas present..I immediately stopped her from continuing her story. I told her its a scam. There are these group of Nigerian people that goes on the Net pretending to be a decent white man.Putting profile pictures of someone else, most of the time a gorgeous white man. Location are mostly UK. Wife had passed away and looking for a wife and a mother to his young child.
These men will go on the Net and start looking for their prey. Mostly Asian women. And unfortunately many women had fall for these men and thinking they were serious. Once this women fall into their trap, which normally will take around 3-4 days, this so called "gentleman" will tell the lady that he will be going on a trip.During that particular trip this guy will still be online. The next thing will be "Hey I saw this pretty necklace and i just have to get it for you. I will be sending it to you together with some cash.It should be arriving in 2days time." And these naive women will be all excited thinking there will be a parcel containing the necklace and the cash. One thing these women failed to realise is that..why would anyone sent some cash thru a Parcel when its against every country's law? Isn't nowadays they have this thing called MONEY GRAMM or WESTERN UNION? which only takes 10mins to receive.
This is the interesting part, they even have a courier company and a parcel tracking code to make it look convincing. 2 days has passed by. There will be someone pretending to be local authority calling and said the parcel has arrived but they can't release the parcel until Tax is being paid. Normally a couple of thousand. These naive ladies will fine money and will bank in the money.
Please remember that the immigration or the Custom will not ask public to bank into a personal account to pay tax. But if only the lady would call up the immigration at the right channel before banking in some money,these thing would not happen.
Now there are more new tricks these Nigerian syndicate have come up with. At times its not parcel. It can be themselves coming to this country or their households have been shipped here and many many more.
I do hope those ladies who are easily falling for gorgeous white man to think before they do stupid things. Its a lesson learned well to those who went through this ordeal and do be careful when being on the NET.

New Year's Eve of 2009...

Tomorrow will be 2009..means my life is nearer to an end.Celebration? Should i be celebrating? Its just another day, tomorrow when i wake up, IF i wake up things will still be the same. My previous resolution are still not fulfilled, why should i hope for a new one. I might as well get working on my old resolution. Maybe some changes here and there. Like getting rid of people whom i think not worth having them in my life.
Like today for example, I told Sheila that i will not get her the diet tablet but instead gave her the telephone number of the person that sells it.I just don't have the heart to sell it to my friends because of what happen to me when i took that tablet. I collapsed after having difficulty in breathing due to that slimming tablet. I told her that the reason i didn't pick up my phone because i was in the meeting from morning till evening. And besides, i left my phone at home.
She started saying stupid things when i buzz her on YM and i just got pissed. To me, I was trying to help her. Well i guess its not worth having such friend in the first place.I come to a point where I really don't need too many people in my life.Just like what i wrote in my previous blog titled BEING SINGLE,ALONE AND LOVING IT. first at all, you have to realize what really is important to you, what really makes you feel better, and try to be the most satisfy as you can doing things for yourself… How? It depends only of you.
I will cut down a lot of activities which relate to other people. I want to learn to be selfish from now on. I hate when family and friends treat me like door mat or like I'm some kind of a punching back. And when they don't need me..i will become invisible to them or they will throw me like a dirt bag.
Well anyway life has to on, till next time..HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone

Love letter to someone....

There was a time where I didn't believe in love.I really thought it never existed, but this is the time that makes me want to thank you. Thank you everything, because it is you that taught me love, and how to love. Before, I feared love. But now, I know I can't go on without love. Not any love, but your love, my love, my only, my one. I know you might fear my love. Here I am telling you to not fear it, but have it. Out of all the things money can buy and life can give, my love to you can not and will never match. Because it is you who I live for and will die for. It is you who has my heart, body, and soul. My eyes open to see you and close to picture you. You run wild in my mind, You stay still in my heart. My soul you share and my body you hold. Forgive me if I stop writing, but I must, for I fear words written on a paper can not describe what I honestly feel for the obssesion of my love, for you my love.Love you for the years to come, loved you for the years that have passed, and my love you will have always
i am overwhelmed by the flood of emotions. i am also a lover but i chose to hold back my feelings for this person because he is for something else, something greater than life itself. yes, i know that when the time will come that he has to go for it and live it, i will be broken. i know it will make me wanna scream and shout because of the pain but i know he will be happy there. his happiness is what i seek because i love him so much that though it will crush me, i am willing to see him without me. it is so easy to love but to really love without measure makes one the most vulnerable of all. but i believe that is the essence of love, loving and letting go just for him to be happy whatever his decision. i know he loves me, he told me so but i know i don't come first in his life. and that, i have to live with.
thank you for this chance to say how i truly feel. we all share this gift, the gift of loving. all of us are lovers, but not all have realized it yet or maybe they just chose not to be one because of the pain.
I love so much about you that it is hard to pick just a couple of things out. I love the way you laugh. I love the way you smile. I even love it when you make me mad and don't know why. I love how when you upset me, you try so hard to make it better. I am so in love with you that I don't go one minute without thinking of you and wishing that I was with you! I can't stand to be without you for one second. You have truly turned me into myself. Before you, nobody allowed me to be me. You have allowed me to open up my heart and trust again. You have allowed me to smile and be happy again. And for that I love you. I thank you and I will forever cherish our memories and I know there are many more to come.

My day today.....how much more do i have to go thru this??

Today, as i woke up in the morning, as usual, i sat on my bed, facing the window, looking up at the sky, I did my everyday routine..thanking Allah for giving me the chance to wake up and hear the bird chirping. Only that today i woke up feeling sad in my heart..Maybe its because of the things my ex husband said to me through his SMS (text messages). I have no more strength to face him and so I asked Allah to help me make it through the day...Only Allah can protect me and give me the strength.
I reached the office at 8.15am. Didn't talk much..wasn't in a mood. Took my lappy and sat in Zaireen's room to do my work. The whole day i was in her room doing my work. At the office, i had to face some idiotic who just know how to dictate and never know how to say the simple word "Thank you" or "Please" or "Can i ask u for a favour?".
My mind was still thinking about those text messages my ex hubby sent me last night. I wish i can just wipe him out of this planet.
I decided to go home early from work today. I just don't have the mood to do anything. My mind is blank and numb. At times i stared at my lappy screen for a long moment. Too much for my brain to compute and handle. There are times when i can't even feel any motions.
All I can do is hope and pray. I don't talk about what I'm feeling inside to anyone anymore. I just have to act tough and go on with my life and hoping for Allah's mercy

Have u ever hate someone that u cant forgive them?

Have you ever hated someone that you’ve not spoken to that person for a long long time?
Well, during my school days in primary school, I almost hatred someone just like that, but fortunately I was saved from such a disease. Yes, hating someone is a disease, an emotional disease that can cripple us for life.
While love is easier to manage, hatred is harder to bear as its like a heavy sack one carries on one’s back. The disease if not cured will eat that someone bit by bit until without realising it, it will make the person someone who is bitter and unhappy with the world in general.
Hatred is one of the diseases that our ummah today suffers. Almost every Muslim knows another Muslim whom he hates.
The Ummah is like a building with the Muslims as it’s bricks, brotherhood is the cement. Without forgiveness you cannot have brotherhood.
In life, there will always be people who at times might have wronged you. Deceived or backbited or lied to you. But even in these extreme situations the Qur’an and the Hadith teach us that we have to forgive others (especially those who hurt us the most) if we wish to earn the forgiveness of Allah on the day of judgement.
We have all committed many sins, made many mistakes and no doubt we might also have wronged others, deceived, backbited or lied to others too. No human being is perfect. So what makes us focus onto brothers’ and sisters’ errors while we remain unconscious of our own? Not to forgive is like living in arrogance & ignorance of our own shortcomings.
Forgiveness is linked with piety and God-consciousness, is there anybody who is not without sin? Is there anybody who can be arrogant enough to say that he does not need to forgive? Do we not know that Allah forgives those who forgive others?
Therefore, we should realise the difficulties of others and forgive them.
Allah says in the Qur’an: “Be quick in the forgiveness from your Lord, and pardon (all) men - for Allah loves those who do good.” [Surah ali Imran; 3:133-134]
And we know that Allah Himself is Ar-Rahman (the Most Compassionate) and Ar-Rahim (the Most Merciful) and that His Mercy is infinite, and that no matter the sin (except shirik) Allah is always willing to answer the person’s call for forgiveness.
In fact Allah loves the tear drop that falls from the eye of one who sincerely seeks the forgiveness of his Lord. And Allah loves us to have hearts that are ready to forgive.
The Prophet s.a.w. once asked his companions; “Do you know what will cause you to have high walled palaces in Paradise (as a symbol of great reward) and will cause you to be raised by God?” When they replied in the negative, he said, “To be forgiving and to control yourself in the face of provocation, to give justice to the person who was unfair and unjust to you, to give to someone even though he did not give to you when you were in need and to keep connection with someone who may not have reciprocated your concern.”
Similarly the Prophet s.a.w. said that the best of people are those who are slow to get angry and quick to forgive. On the other hand the worst of people are those, he said who get angry quickly but are slow to forgive. The characteristic that makes a person most likely to forgive is the purity of his or her heart. Apologies must be accepted, the Prophet s.a.w. said that: “Whoever apologises to his brother and that apology is not accepted, then the person who refuses to accept the apology bears the sin of one who takes the property of another unjustly. If we look at the example and the character of the Prophet s.a.w. we can see that he was always forgiving and never showed enmity to anyone except those who waged war against him.
We should similarly be merciful with each other. First of all, we ourselves should not do anything to upset our brothers and sisters (because this is in itself a part of mercy) and then we should forgive those who have upset us or made us angry.
We will never be a strong ummah if we are not able to forgive. Some might say that to forgive is a sign of weakness and humiliation, and for them it is better to be strong and preserve their honor. But honor in the eyes of Allah lies in forgiveness.

I pray for extra strength

Last week i had to work till late hours in the morning..for 4 days i had to come back around 4-5am just because some people in my office can't think using their brain and self centered. Today i sent a text message to my HR saying that my partner and I wanted to confirm on our book off tomorrow and that's when they start passing around and finally the answer was..we both cant go on our book off because they will be on leave. Seriously they don't have a heart of a leader.
Today i send a text message to my ex husband telling him that he can collect my sister's car this week. He was the one who asked for my sister's car..just because my sister uses his name for the car. My sister never once miss on the payment. My sister decided to buy a new car and somehow the loan approved.Unfortunately my ex husband turn around and accused me of playing him out and denied everything about him asking for the car.
Now since my sister is not going to pay anymore for the car, he wants me to pay everything. He wants to make my life a living hell..There is nothing i can do about it..Allah is my witness...I have never had any intention of hurting him even though the pain he has caused me over the years. He is becoming a bitter man.
I wish he would stop hurting me...all i can do is pray to Allah to give me the strength to go thru this ordeal.I know someday..just someday...this whole thing will be over..just like the song "somewhere over the rainbow".
And someday Allah will make him see what is he becoming of....

BEING SINGLE,ALONE AND LOVING IT

I just realise that being single and on your own isnt bad at all. I was driving back after work at 5 in the morning, all alone on the road not many cars at this hour, suddenly the thought of "Glad that I'm single and alone" just make me feel good.I dont have to explain to anyone why i had to work so late and i don't have anyone waiting for me at home with their long face.Not after i have a long hard day at work.
Even if you find the perfect person that makes you happier, if you aren’t with yourself, it won’t work.
So, first at all, you have to relize what really is important to you, what really makes you feel better, and try to be the most satisfy as you can doing things for yourself… How? It depends only of you.
Consequently, you alredy will be happy alone (the idea “me, myself and I”), and probably you won’t need someone to be in that way, but then, suddenly a good person will enter in your life (or this person is alredy there and you couldn’t see him), and make you happier that you are, will complete you more than you could imagine…
You know, both will share good things, and will be the best thing!
But you also can realize that when you are alone but happy, is so much better than be with someone and unhappy… So pay attention!
Another good thing! I really think that when you are happy alone, you won’t search for someone, you know? Like “Find/search”? Is not like that, things will happen naturally, by the time that you’ve never imagined and waited :D(i know that is the worst thing say: “You don’t have to wait ‘cause it's not worth… ” But is real!)Actually, there is wonderful text in portuguese that the key statement is: “Cuide do seu jardim, que as borboletas virão…”
That would be almost like : “Take care of your garden so that beautiful butterflies will apper there…”The point is: You won’t need to search, if you’re in a ‘good mood’, good things will come to you… ;D Some singles are perfectly happy being just that: happily single.Unfortunately, society puts so much pressure on singles - especially women - to be in relationships that people forget that they have to be happy with themselves in order to be happy with someone else. That applies to friendships as well as intimate relationships.
Happy singles:
• Aren't obsessed with having kids or being married.
• Don't receive many phone calls after 9 p.m. They end their day in peace and quiet, not on the phone having a conversation with a dramatic friend.
• Are health conscious, believing exercise and a healthy diet give them balance and boost self-esteem.
• Love themselves and take full responsibility for their bad choices.
• Never compromise their standards.
• Are not content with what they accomplished yesterday but are always looking forward to what's next.
• Live life to the fullest, treating strangers with kindness, are optimistic about everything and have a zest for life.
• Don't define themselves by how much money they earn or their level of education.
• Understand the difference between being religious and being spiritual.
• Associate with other happy and positive people.
• They have mastered the art of being alone.
• They look forward to spending Friday night curled up with a good book or just watching movie marathon.
• When you call, they don't answer because the phone has been unplugged.

Does true Love really Exist?(Paul Always tell me it does)

Oh love certainly does exist and right now you are , whether you know it or not, traveling on the road towards it. All these life experiences that you are having along the way, will be of such benefit when you do get to the point of the road, where love is just there, waiting for you. Why do you have to go through bumps in the road, in order to get to the one who loves you and you love in return? Very good question (if I do say so myself LOL......kekekekekkek)
Well, I am a believer that the bumps make you stronger, help you to get to know yourself better, so that when you reach that point in the road, where that special one has reached that same point, at that same time, you will be able to give, receive and know what true love actually is. You will know yourself so well, and be able to give of who you truly are.
Right now, this may all be mubo jumbo for you, and that's okay. Just don't be discouraged, and it's okay to have your guard up a bit, and your eyes open, and your heart reserved for only that special someone. Nothing wrong with that. This is your growing time. This is your time, to go out there and explore, learn and by goodness, have fun! So smile, not only have you had the most memorable first kiss I have ever heard about, you are at a fantastic point in your life, where all you have to do, is be open to learning and experiencing. Go forth and enjoy!!!

When we are young and the world is new to us we discover feelings for the first time and they are so strong and powerful we can hardly stand it. But then LIFE shows us what reality is about and we start to pay closer attention to the things around us and are not so overwhelmed by it all and learn how to cope with people, places, and things on a level as to protect ourselves some what. We go thru many trials and tribulations and thrills, and chills, along the way until one day we are awakened by one of those really clear realities that we love someone and are loved the same way in return. That's when the whole damn world changes and you could care less about anything except what you and yours are doing. How do you know your in love????? When you wake up 30 years and a few kids and gran-kids later and tell your still there, but somewhat gray headed partner, I LOVE YOU, STILL!!!

SPECIALLY DEDICATED TO CINTA & ASMARA

People today, in all this new world technology and thinking, have lost sight of what a true friendship is. So, in sprit of my best friend Cinta & Asmara, I thought I would help the world out a little and explain what real, true friends are.

1. Friends don't have to be exactly the same. Friends have similarities but they also have their differences. They key to opening up the world of friendship is not only to expand on similarities but to accept each other's faults. Because you can't ever judge your friend.

2. Friends have to argue! No one likes to but it is necessary to be healthy. Cause if you agree on everything, either the government has expanded cloning subjects or someone isn't being true and is trying a little too hard.

3. You have to be comfortable together or else you just aren't going to click. If you feel edgy around the person then something isn't quite right.

4. Friends love unconditionally. They have there little angry moments but what's done is done and all is forgive and forget. Why let something that happened in the past ruin what happiness you could have in the future?

5. Believe in love at first sight because there is the equivalent in friendship. Some people think that you have to know someone really well to become good friends. Trust me, it's not true. If the first time you really spend time together you talk for 25 hours straight until 4:30 in the morning about some topic you thought no one else in the world understood, hun, that's real love at first sight.
These are only a few of the basics. Just remember, friends are forever. But only if you keep it that way. Don't diss your buds, love them instead. And when they drive you nuts, love them that much more for being just a little bit different and maybe just a little bit quirky!

My Imaginary Coffee Shop-Dedicate to Nini & As

Today I'm working at my imaginary coffee shop. It's not just your usual coffee shop. It's special. It's were all of my friends gather to keep up with each other. The tables are made of wood-each one topped with a beautifully decorated table cloth-maybe white with lace edges or even crisp gingham blocks. It's spring outside, the sun is shining. There are fresh flowers on the tables. Book shelvesline the walls with books and coffee cups placed on them. There is a bbeautiful scene painted on the ceiling. The chairs are comfy and very plush. There is a maroon sofa right inside the door. The front windows are lined with living plants. I don't just work here. I live here. This is where my mind goes when i want to be with my friends. It's happy here. Fresh and clean and i'm surrounded with living things. Every once in a while someone spills some 'milk'. But things always-always go back to normal. We all know we're loved and cared for. We all know that in our hearts we will never be alone. So please come and have a cup of coffee with me. I'm sure you'll love it here.The friendship will follow you always.

to my Best Friend, ALLAH

My heart cries out,for my love for You is so strong.For i know that from You i came,and unto You i belong.Like a moth to a flame,i am stuck to Islam. With so many people around the world,I share this powerful bond.We are LOVERS of Allah and of his Messegers and of his blessed sheiks.We have been martyed by the sword of affection,and now we swim in lovers lake.How lucky we are,to have fallen in love with you.This is the only love that will last for ever,the only love that will remain true.You are our one true hearts desire.It is a blessing for us to burn in this noori, divine fire.
My Allah,we stay alive knowing that you are near.We only desire to be with you,if death is the only way.Let it come,of it we have no fear.Our hearts cry out,for our love for You is so strong.For we know that from You we have come, and unto You we belong

Love & Marriage

A student asks a teacher, "What is love?"
The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the wheat field and choose the biggest wheat and come back.But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick."The student went to the field, go thru first row, he saw one big wheat, but he wonders....may be there is a bigger one later.Then he saw another bigger one... But may be there is an even bigger one waiting for him.Later, when he finished more than half of the wheat field, he start to realize that the wheat is not as big as the previous one he saw, he know he has missed the biggest one, and he regretted.So, he ended up went back to the teacher with empty hand.The teacher told him, "...this is love... You keep looking for a better one, but when later you realise, you have already miss the person....""What is marriage then?" the student asked.The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the corn field and choose the biggest corn and come back. But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick."The student went to the corn field, this time he is careful not to repeat the previous mistake, when he reach the middle of the field, he has picked one medium corn that he feel satisfy, and come back to the teacher.The teacher told him, "this time you bring back a corn.... You look for one that is just nice, and you have faith and believe this is the best one you get.... This is marriage."

BETRAYAL FROM SOMEONE U LOVE

The worst type of betrayal is disloyalty from someone you love. Without doubt, being let down by those you trust most can hurt the most. This most commonly occurs when a person discovers their partner has been cheating on them. The feeling this invokes tends to be along the lines of heart-wrenching agony. It has been likened to feeling like your heart has been ripped out of your chest and torn apart, being in so much pain and suffering that you can't breathe or even just leaving you with an empty nothingness inside. Other emotions also rise to the surface, embarrassment and the dread that comes with the question; “Am I the last to know?”

When an affair rocks a relationship it can be very hard to overcome. Even the ones who try to patch up their relationship can find themselves in a constant rerun every time they have an argument where everything from the past is once again brought up and rehashed. There is only so much of this that anyone can take. The majority of people cannot get past an affair no matter what they do, hyper-vigilance of the other person's actions and whereabouts can get quite tiring and the wondering if it will happen again gets tedious while the perpetrator of the affair can find themselves feeling suffocated and even hide innocent things for fear that it will make their partner jealous or suspicious. This is always a mistake.

It is possible to mend the relationship however both parties must seriously want it to happen and make a huge effort at repairing the trust and love between them. To the person who has been cheated on but feels that their relationship is worth another chance I say this - draw the lines now. Make it very clear what will be tolerated by you in the future. In this way, if you do discover anymore circumstances where your trust has been betrayed, they will have no excuses and no future chances because you have laid it on the line for them and they agreed at the time. If you let them away with it a second time then why would they even attempt to be faithful in future. If they have that little respect for your feelings then why waste time with them anyway. Some things are not worth saving after all. But remember that everyone has the potential to stray from the right path at times and we are only human, we all make mistakes but it's important to learn from our mistakes so if your partner can't see that then let them go. We can all manage to get by alone for a while. If you do break up then make it a clean one, it's the easiest in the long-run.

Greatest Story Ever Told Lyrics - Oliver James

Thank you for this moment
I've gotta say how beautiful you are
Of all the hopes and dreams I could have prayed for 
Here you are
If I could have one dance forever
I would take you by the hand
Tonight it's you and I together
I'm so glad I'm your man
And if I lived a thousand years 
You know I never could explain
The way I lost my heart to you 
that day
but if destiny decided I should look the other way
then the world would never know 
the greatest story ever told
and did I tell you that I love you
tonight
I don't hear the music
When I'm looking in your eyes
But I feel the rhythm of your body
Close to mine
It's the way we touch, it soothes me
It's the way we'll always be
your kiss your pretty smile
you know i'd die for 
oh baby
you're all i need
And if I lived a thousand years 
You know I never could explain
The way I lost my heart to you 
that day
but if destiny decided I should look the other way
then the world would never know 
the greatest story ever told
and did I tell you that I love you
just how much i really need you
did I tell you that I love you
tonight
tonight
And if I lived a thousand years 
You know I never could explain
The way I lost my heart to you 
that day
but if destiny decided I should look the other way
then the world would never know 
the greatest story ever told
and did I tell you that I love you
just how much I really need you

did I tell you that I love you tonight

My Experience Being Baulimic for 7 years

I started throwing up when i first join the airline working as a stewardess in 1989. I had never been any good at self-control or consistency, so I guess I wasn't destined to become anorexic. Bulimia for me was initially about how I looked and about weight control, but it turned into a monster that I couldn't escape from. I cared about my appearance; the first thing I thought after a binge was "you're going to gain weight." However, after a while, I didn't throw up after daily meals in fear of fat. Instead, I would purposely gorge myself until I couldn't eat any more. Sickened and bloated I would stumble to the bathroom, crying and feeling like the biggest failure. Gasping, I would ram my finger down my throat until most of my binge was gone. The binges became huge, uncontrollable episodes where I tortured myself. Bulimia would come and go, but even when I wasn't binging, it was always in the back of my mind.Eventually, I was diagnosed with depression. As I began therapy and medication, my bulimia subsided to a point where it didn't totally control my life. Now, at age 38, I don't binge as often, but sometimes I relapse into those periods where I know that I am full, but I keep eating, keep stuffing food into my body. I hear the comments from those around me: "how do you eat so much and stay so thin?" I want to scream that I am not thin - that I am bloated and can feel myself becoming grotesque and disgusting. I am not a survivor of bulimia yet; I am still a victim. I know that I have a long road ahead of me. But I refuse to let the bulimia win. I threw up again that night, half-afraid that my eyeballs were going to explode. But it was, by far, more important that I get rid of dinner. Of course by then, throwing up was the only way I knew how to deal with fear. . . And [the bulimia] is so very seductive. It is so reassuring, so all-consuming, so entertaining.At first.Midway through the food you remember and it's too late and you're still fucking hungry . . . but then you feel so unbelievably guilty and hideous that you HAVE TO THROW UP, and so you do . . .

No one can simply "get over" bulimia. Telling a bulimic to eat normally is like telling a victim of spousal abuse to just leave him or a victim of alcoholism to stop drinking: It's just not that easy and it sure as hell doesn't happen overnight.

Wanting to Trust But Falling Into Doubt

I really can't put these past few weeks into words. I don't even know what to make of them myself.
Here's my vague attempt to describe and make some sense of my life:
My inner world has been a bit of a roller coaster as of late. I've been wavering between doubt and trust for nearly everything lately and I have fallen to doubt. It's been a mixture of intense joy and sorrow, betrayal and loyalty, closeness and yet being so far away. I just can't put it into words because it's been highly contradictory.
I think that many of my struggles exist mainly within my mind and that I am making it a lot worse on myself than I have to and doubting people I shouldn't be doubting, though I shouldn't put my trust in those specifically involved in the gossip/betrayal.
But doubting those who care about me has caused more harm than good and I end up locking people out, or even worse, end up assuming those who treasure me are only pretending to do so. I sometimes struggle to trust my own perception and this happens more often when I'm feeling insecure. So I start questioning everything and wonder what's real and what's not, and just to be safe, I turn skeptical and read into every possible sign of disinterest or deception. Many of these doubts are completely unfounded and even insulting to the goodness of the ones I doubt.
This has been the main struggle in my inner world and I'm intensely aware of this and the power it holds against me. And the truth is that the root of all this is doubt in myself and so I struggle to trust the world around me. I'm usually way more optimistic, trusting and open and I'd prefer to be that way but I'm in one of my funks.
In my outer world, I discovered that 4so called friends have been pretending to like me all this time and have been gossiping about me behind my back. At one time, these friends were semi close and I shared some of my personal secrets with one of them when I thought we were close. I became more distant from this friend before I was aware of the betrayal because he seemed gossipy and was talking smack about another friend I was close to and I felt quite uncomfortable around so much so much gossip and this friend was always flaking out on me too. I also moved on to greener pastures and found friends that were more worth my time. I became kind of distant with this older friend and then grew very distant once I found out he was only pretending to like me. A similar situation happened with the other friend, although there was less emotional investment in this one but I ended up moving away from both of them once I found out about the gossip and cruel comments. What bothered me most was the pretending and the deception and I feel gullible for trusting these people.
It was a little sad to lose them as friends but that wasn't nearly the hardest part because they may have not ever been real friends to begin with. But the deception fueled my insecurity and doubt and I started to wonder if their petty gossip had some truth in it and if others were merely pretending to like me. I want to be accepted (by everyone if possible) and I want to stay on everyone's good side as much as possible and ideally, I'd love to be accepted for being me and this whole situation feels like this huge rejection, despite the fact that I don't care much about the rejectees. I care about their approval though, just as I care about everyone's approval and that's part of the reason I'm struggling to let go.
The reality of the situation is that though I lost these 'friends' I am blessed with a handful of people who I love and who care about me. I am coming to realize that these special people are the real assets in my life. There is one friend who I care about deeply in particular (but there's a few others as well) and even if I lost all social approval and if everyone else really was pretending to like me, I'd still be blessed with these friendships and bonds. This is really what makes life worth living and it's far more important that social approval or being universally liked/accepted.
The prospect of losing these real friends (as opposed to the fake ones) would be devastating. And I am still blessed because those who I care about are close and still in my life and they have proved themselves amazing and loyal in this difficult time. In my heart, I know this loss is not going to happen but when the doubt surfaces, I question EVERYTHING, including these close bonds, and entertaining that possibility is what's heartbreaking and what causes me great anxiety. This is where the doubt really hurts me I also dislike myself for doubting and I'm fighting the doubt as best I can, though I still slip into it. I'm keeping my head above water because I know reality is hopeful in the most important regards and I have those I truly value in my life.

KERANA SATU KLIK, MALAPETAKA DITERIMA SEHINGGA KIAMAT

Abu Hurairah r.a. berkata: Rasulullah s.a.w. bersabda: "Sesiapa yang mengajak kejalan hidayat, maka baginya dari pahala seperti pahala (sebanyak pahala)pengikutnya, dengan tidak mengurangi sedikit pun dari pahala mereka. Dan sesiapa yang mengajak ke jalan sesat, maka menanggung dosa sebanyak dosa-dosa pengikutnya, dengan tidak mengurangi dari dosa-dosa mereka sedikit pun.

(Diriwayatkan oleh Imam Muslim)

Bagi memudahkan kefahaman akan maksud hadis-hadis di atas dan berkaitan dengan konteks kehidupan kita pada zaman ICT ini, mari kita ambil iktibar dari kisah berikut. Zack baharu tamat belajar di sebuah universiti kemudian di terima bekerja di sebuah syarikat ICT. Setiap pekerja dibekalkan dengan komputer, alamat email dan internet akses bagi memudahkan urusan kerja seharian.Zack mempunyai ramai kawan dan mereka berhubung melalui email setiap hari. Masa lapang Zack diisi dengan melayari laman web lucah. Kegemarannya ialah memuat turun (download) gambar-gambar lucah itu kemudian berkongsi dengan kawan-kawannya melalui email. Dia mempunyai "email group" dan ada 50 alamat email kawan-kawannya di dalam "emailgroup" tersebut.
Sekali menghantar email, dia akan menghantar kepada "emailgroup" tersebut.Selain daripada itu dia juga suka menghantar semula email yang diterima daripada rakan yang lain ke "emailgroup" . Di antara kandungan email itu adalah kisah-kisah yang mengaibkan seseorang seperti video klip bercium di dalam lif, kisah seluar dalam yang dijumpai di dalam periuk di restoran mamak dan seumpamanya lagi yang kebanyakannya adalah perkara-perkara yang nafsu kita seronok membacanya dan melihatnya tetapi hukumnya adalah jelas haram di sisi syariat Islam.Pada suatu hari ketika pulang dari tempat kerja Zack terlibat dengan kemalangan jalan raya dan kembali kerahmatullah di tempat kejadian.Di dalam Islam telah sepakat ulama' bahawa hukum melihat gambar-gambar lucah, menyebarkan fitnah, membuka aib dan seumpamanya adalah haram serta berdosa kepada mereka yang melakukannya dan menyebarkannya. Untuk memudahkan kefahaman, katakan Zack telah mendapat satu dosa kerana menghantar gambar-gambar lucah kepada kawan-kawannya. Gambar tersebut diterima oleh 50 orang kawan-kawannya melalui email. Kesemua kawan-kawannya seronok dengan gambar tersebut dan meredai perbuatan Zack maka setiap kawannya mendapat satu dosa manakala dosa setiap kawannya itu juga diberikan kepada Zack jadilah sekarang dosa Zack 1+50 = 51.Setiap kawan-kawan Zack itu pula menghantar gambar tersebut kepada 10 orang lagi,maka sekarang dosa Zack akan bertambah lagi menjadi 1+50+500=551 dosa. Kemudian setiap sepuluh orang itu menghantar lagi kepada 10 orang yang lain, bertambahlah dosa Zack menjadi 1+50+500=5551. Begitulah seterusnya.Zack telah meninggal dunia, email nya masih lagi tersebar, maka akan berterusanlah dia mendapat dosa selagi email itu berlegar di ruang cyber hingga hari kiamat. Begitulah iktibar yang boleh diambil daripada apa yang berlaku kepada Qabil, setiap jiwa yang mati dibunuh kerana hasad dengki manusia, maka dosa membunuh itu akan juga sampai kepada Qabil hingga hari kiamat. Bayangkanlah berapa ramaikah jiwa yang telahkena bunuh dengan zalim sejak dari zaman nabi Adam hingga sekarang? Dan berapakah dosa yang terpaksa ditanggung oleh Qabil di akhirat kelak?
Berbalik kepada kisah Zack, katakan sebelum meninggal dunia, Zack telah sempat bertaubat, insya'Allah dosa manusia terus dengan Allah, seperti meninggalkan puasa, zakat dan solat fardu akan Allah ampunkan tetapi dosa kita sesama manusia hanya Allah akan ampunkan bila insan tersebut mengampunkan kita. Zack telah menyebarkan perkarayang menyebabkan orang lain berdosa, bagaimanakah dia nak mintak ampun dengan semua yang menerima email tersebut? Selagi mereka semua tidak mengampunkan Zack maka selagi itulah dia akan terima dosa hingga kiamat kelak.
Inilah malapetaka yang sangat besar pada zaman ICT ini. Dengan sekali klik sahaja saham dosa akan mencurah-curah sampai kepada kita. Sebab itu setiap kali apabila kita menerima email, hendaklah berhati-hati, jika kandungan email itu adalah gambar lucah atau yang mengaibkan seseorang muslim lain atau sesuatu fitnah hendaklah segera dibuang dan jangan ada sedetik pun didalam hati untuk seronok dengan benda yang haram bagi mengelakkan kita dan pengirim dari berdosa.

BEGGAR KING

Once there was a time, according to legend, when Ireland was ruled by a king who had no son. The king sent out his couriers to post notices in all the towns of his realm. The notices advised that every qualified young man should apply for an interview with the king as a possible successor to the throne. However, all such candidates must have these two qualifications: They must (1) love God and (2) love their fellow human beings.
The Young man about whom this legend centers saw a notice and reflected that he loved God and, also, his neighbors. One thing stopped him, he was so poor that he had no clothes that would be presentable in the sight of the king. Nor did he have the funds to buy provisions for the long journey to the castle. So the young man begged here, and borrowed there, finally managing to scrounge enough money for the appropriate clothes and the necessary supplies.
Properly attired and well-suited, the young man set out on his quest, and had almost completed the journey when he came upon a poor beggar by the side of the road. The beggar sat trembling, clad only in tattered rags. His extended arms pleaded for help. His weak voice croaked, "I'm hungry and cold. Please help me... please?"
The young man was so moved by this beggar's need that he immediately stripped off his new clothes and put on the tattered threads of the beggar. Without a second thought he gave the beggar all his provision as well. Then, somewhat hesitantly, he continued his journey to the castle dressed in the rags of the beggar, lacking provisions for his return trek home. Upon his arrival at the castle, a king's attendant showed him in to the great hall. After a brief respite to clean off the journey's grime, he was finally admitted to the throne room of the king.
The young man bowed low before his majesty. When he raised his eyes, he gaped in astonishment. "You... it's you! You're the beggar by the side of the road."
"Yes," the king replied with a twinkle, "I was that beggar."
"But...bu...bu... you are not really a beggar. You are the king for real. Well, then, why did you do this to me?" the young man stammered after gaining more of his composure.
"Because I had to find out if you genuinely love God and your fellow human beings," said the king. "I knew that if I came to you as king, you would have been impressed by my gem-encrusted golden crown and my royal robes. You would have done anything I asked of you because of my regal character. But that way I would never have known what is truly in your heart. So I used a ruse. I came to you as a beggar with no claims on you except for the love in your hear. And I discovered that you sincerely do love God and your fellow human beings. You will be my successor," promised the king. "You will inherit my kingdom."

A beautiful heart

The more hurt and pain you have gone thru in life, the stronger and more beautiful your heart will be.....One day a young man was standing in the middle of the town proclaiming that he had the most beautiful heart in the whole valley.A large crowd gathered and they all admired his heart for it was perfect. There was not a mark or a flaw in it. Yes, they all agreed it truly was the most beautiful heart they had ever seen. The young man was very proud and boasted more loudly about his beautiful heart.Suddenly, an old man appeared at the front of the crowd and said, "Why your heart is not nearly as beautiful as mine." The crowd and the young man looked at the old man's heart. It was beating strongly, but full of scars, it had places where pieces had been removed and other pieces put in, but they didn't fit quite right and there were several jagged edges. In fact, in some places there were deep gouges where whole pieces missing.The people stared. How can he say his heart is more beautiful?? they thought. The young man looked at the old man's heart and saw its state and laughed. "You must be joking," he said. "Compare your heart with mine, mine is perfect and yours is a mess of scars and tears.""Yes," said the old man, "Yours is perfect looking but I would never trade with you. You see, every scar represents a person to whom I have given my love - I tear out a piece of my heart and give it to them, and often they give me a piece of their heart which fits into the empty place in my heart, but because the pieces aren't exact, I have some rough edges, which I cherish, because they remind me of the love we shared. Sometimes I have given pieces of my heart away, and the other person hasn't returned a piece of his heart to me. These are the empty gouges - giving love is taking a chance. Although these gouges are painful, they stay open, reminding me of the love I have for these people too, and I hope someday they may return and fill the space I have waiting. So now do you see what true beauty is?"The young man stood silently with tears running down his cheeks. He walked up to the old man, reached into his perfect young and beautiful heart, and ripped a piece out. He offered it to the old man with trembling hands.The old man took his offering, placed it in his heart and then took a piece from his old scarred heart and placed it in the wound in the young man's heart. It fit, but not perfectly, as there were some jagged edges.The young man looked at his heart, not perfect anymore but morebeautiful than ever, since love from the old man's heart flowed into his.They embraced and walked away side by side.

Setiap Wanita Itu Istimewa

ALLAH berfirma"Ketika Aku menciptakan seorang wanita, ia diharuskan untuk menjadi seorang yang istimewa. Aku membuat bahunya cukup kuat untuk menampung dunia; namun, harus cukup lembut untuk memberikan kenyamanan " Aku memberikannya kekuatan dari dalam untuk mampu melahirkan anak dan menerima penolakan yang seringkali
datang dari anak-anaknya " "Aku memberinya kekerasan untuk membuatnya tetap tegar ketika orang-orang lain menyerah, dan mengasuh keluarganya dengan penderitaan dan kelelahan tanpa mengeluh "Aku memberinya kepekaan untuk mencintai anak-anaknya dalam setiap keadaan, bahkan ketika anaknya bersikap sangat menyakiti hatinya " "Aku memberinya kekuatan untuk mendukung suaminya dalam kegagalannya dan melengkapi dengan tulang rusuk suaminya untuk melindungi hatinya " "Aku memberinya kebijaksanaan untuk mengetahui bahwa seorang suami yang baik takkan pernah menyakiti isterinya, tetapi kadang menguji kekuatannya dan ketetapan hatinya untuk berada disisi suaminya tanpa ragu" "Dan akhirnya, Aku memberinya air mata untuk dititiskan. Ini adalah khusus miliknya untuk digunakan bilapun ia perlukan." "Kau tahu: Kecantikan seorang wanita bukanlah dari pakaian yang dikenakannya, susuk yang ia tampilkan, atau bagaimana ia menyisir rambutnya." "Kecantikan seorang wanita harus dilihat dari matanya, kerana itulah pintu hatinya tempat dimana cinta itu ada."

THE STORY ABOUT LOVE

Once upon a time; there was an island where all the feeling lived: happiness, sadness, knowledge, and the others, including love.One day all of the feelings found out that the island was going to sink to the bottom of the ocean. So all the feelings prepared their boats to leave. Love was the only one that stayed. She wanted to save the island until the last possible moment.When the island was almost totally under, love decided it was time to leave. She looked for someone to ask for help. Just then Richness was passing by in a big boat. Love asked "Richness can i come with you on your boat?" Richness answered , " I am sorry, but there are a lot of silver and gold on my boat, and there would be no room for you anywhere."then love decided to ask pride for help, who was passing in a beautiful boat. Love cried out: "Pride can u help me." pride cant help you. pride said: "u are wet and will damage my beautiful boat."Next, Love saw sadness passing by. Love said: "Sadness please let me go with you." Sadness answered, "Love, i am sorry. But I just need to be alone now."Then Love saw Happiness, Love cried out, "happiness, please take me with you." But Happiness was so overjoyed that he didnt hear love calling to him.Love began to cry. then, she heard a voice say, "Come Love, I will take you with me ." It was an unknown feeling. Love felt so delightful that she forgot to ask his name.When they arrived on land, he went on his way. Love realized how much sky owed him. Love then found knowledge and asked. "Who was it that helped me?"it was time, Knowledge answered. But why did Time help me when no one else would? Love asked. Knowledge smiled and with deep wisdom answered:Because only Time is capable understanding how great love is.

Allah Answer in many ways

While doing my solat Isyak, during my last sujud i was sobbing crying asking God few questions. This is the first time that Allah tested me to the maximum of my abilty not beyond but its to the maximum. During this test Allah has answered all my questions that i asked last nite during my prayer at 3.00am. Beside all the question answered as below verses in the Quran i received from an email, Allah has also shown me who are my trues friends, friends that are really there for me during this hardship im going thru..and who are just friends that will be there with you during your good times only. Anyway below are the verses from the Quran that i suddenly received in my email and surprised that these are the questions i asked Allah yesterday which no one knows. Allah speaks to you in many ways KITA BERTANYA : KENAPA AKU DIUJI?
AL-QURAN MENJAWAB
"Apakah manusia itu mengira bahawa mereka dibiarkan saja mengatakan;
"Kamitelahberiman," sedangkan mereka tidak diuji? Dan sesungguhnya Kami telah menguji orang-orang yang sebelum mereka, maka sesungguhnya Allah mengetahui orang-orang yangmbenar dan sesungguhnya Dia mengetahui orang-orang yang dusta." -Surah Al-Ankabut ayat 2-3
KITA BERTANYA : KENAPA AKU TIDAK DAPAT APA YANG AKU IDAM-IDAMKAN? AL-QURAN MENJAWAB
"Boleh jadi kamu membenci sesuatu padahal ia amat baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi pula kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal ia amat buruk bagimu, Allah mengetahui sedang kamutidak mengetahui."
Surah Al-Baqarah ayat 216
KITA BERTANYA : KENAPA UJIAN SEBERAT INI?
AL-QURAN MENJAWAB
"Allah tidak membebani seseorang itu melainkan sesuai dengan kesanggupannya."
Surah Al-Baqarah ayat 286
KITA BERTANYA : KENAPA RASA KECEWA?
AL-QURAN MENJAWAB
"Janganlah kamu bersikap lemah, dan janganlah pula kamu bersedih hati,
padahal kamulah orang-orang yang paling tinggi darjatnya, jika kamu orang-orang yang beriman."
Surah Al-Imran ayat 139
KITA BERTANYA : BAGAIMANA HARUS AKU MENGHADAPINYA? AL-QURAN
MENJAWAB
" Wahai orang-orang yang beriman! Bersabarlah kamu (menghadapi segala
kesukaran dalam mengerjakan perkara-perkara yang berkebajikan), dan kuatkanlah kesabaran kamu lebih daripada kesabaran musuh, di medan perjuangan), dan bersedialah (dengan kekuatan pertahanan di daerah-daerah sempadan) serta bertaqwalah kamu kepada Allah,supaya kamu berjaya (mencapai kemenangan)."
KITA BERTANYA : BAGAIMANA HARUS AKU MENGHADAPINYA? AL-QURAN
MENJAWAB
"Dan mintalah pertolongan (kepada Allah) dengan jalan sabar dan mengerjakan sembahyang; dan sesungguhnya sembahyang itu amatlah berat kecuali kepada orang-orang yang khusyuk"
Surah Al-Baqarah ayat 45
KITA BERTANYA : APA YANG AKU DAPAT DARIPADA SEMUA NI?
AL-QURAN MENJAWAB
"Sesungguhnya Allah telah membeli dari orang-orang mukmin, diri, harta mereka dengan memberikan syurga untuk mereka...... "
Surah At-Taubah ayat 111
KITA BERTANYA : KEPADA SIAPA AKU BERHARAP?
AL-QURAN MENJAWAB
"Cukuplah Allah bagiku, tidak ada Tuhan selain dariNya. Hanya kepadaNya aku bertawakkal."
Surah At-Taubah ayat 129
KITA BERKATA : AKU TIDAK DAPAT TAHAN!
AL-QURAN MENJAWAB
"dan janganlah kamu berputus asa dari rahmat Allah. Sesungguhnya tiada berputus asa dari rahmat Allah melainkan kaum yang kafir."
Surah Yusuf ayat 12

test

test

I wish i can explain who is Ellie

My life is full of issues that sometimes i feel different from everyone else. And the sad part is that, I look tough from the outside but deep down inside of me, Im just a simple gal with a simple heart.One thing for sure is that, only Allah and I know my trueself. Its very unfortunate sometimes I am unable to explain myself to my friends. Especially those are close to me. I know I need not explain or even justified myself to anyone but at times its difficult because my life revolves with too many issues.

Well as for me I take it as test from Allah but to my friends its like I was the one who invited all these issues. Its just that they said I am not a firm person and that I let poeple run their feet on my head. So much that most of the time I don't share things with anyone.

Everyday I become main target for my friends to attack. I might be smiling everytime and everyday(hehehehe) I get the tongue lashing from them, only Allah knows how much it hurt that i can't explain myself to them.

I'm Elina Ariffin, an individual Allah created to be different from evryone. I mean every individual is unique in their own ways and every individual is totally different from each other.

Sometimes, to not let myself hurt...I pretended like I am watching some kind of movies..looking at my friends tongue lashing me. Its funny why they chose me. Why not someone else in the group.

Whatever it is, I still and truly love all my friends especially the "Pantry Group"

Specially dedicated to my 2 Lovely angels

"That's My Goal" You know where I've come from, You know my story, You know why I'm standing here... Tonight, Please don't go, Don't be in a hurry, I'm here to make it clear, Make it right, Well I know I've acted foolish, But I promise you no more, I've finally found that something Worth reaching for, I'm not here to say I'm sorry, I'm not here to lie to you, I'm here to say I'm ready, That I've finally thought it through, I'm not here to let you're love go, I'm not giving up oh no, I'm here to win your heart and soul, That's my goal. Please don't go, You know that I need you, And can't breath without you, Live without you, Be without you, Well I know I've acted foolish, But i promise you no more, I'm not here to say I'm sorry, I'm not here to lie to you, I'm here to say I'm ready, That I've finally thought it through, I'm not here to let you're love go, I'm not giving up oh no, I'm here to win your heart and soul, That's my goal. Well i won't stop believing, That we will be leaving together, So when I say i love you, I mean it forever and ever, ever and ever.... I'm not here to say I'm sorry, I'm not here to say I'm sorry, I'm not here to lie to you, I'm here to say I'm ready, That I've finally thought it through, I'm not here to let you're love go, I'm not giving up oh no, I'm here to win your heart and soul, Yes I'm here to win your heart and soul, Thats my goal....

This is specially dedicated to my 2 lovely Angels, Ahmad Ridhwan and Siti Sarah

I am Love By The Almighty

Today as i open my eyes in the morning,looking at the sky, I felt the warmth of Allah's existance surrounding the whole of me. Just a week ago He tested me with something that pierced right thru my heart.And i thought i couldnt live another day to bear the pain. But I guess like they said, Allah will never test you beyond your capability.

He knows the strength that I have in myself which i don't even know that it exist. I've lived through so much that when I looked back, i was amazed that i had that kind of strength in me.

Adlan introduced me to his friend Azhar yesterday and again Allah did His miracle stuff. I've always wanted to learn how to fly an aircraft and Ive put that dream aside just for the sacrifices i made for many love ones. And now, Azhar is gonna be my tutor, teaching me everything about flying and my theory starts next week. Allah tested me with love and He takes it away after learning a valuable lesson thru out the short term relationship I had and bless me with my all time dream...FLYING AN AIRCRAFT.

Razak was right. Allah does love me alot and thats why He tested me again and again. Im not a failure and there is nothing wrong with me actually. Allah just want to hear my voice all the time.Going thru the pain in life, He knows He will hear my voice all the time.Though i never had luck with relationships...but he bless me with 2 wonderful angels whom Im so proud of.The light of my life, Ahmad Ridhwan and Siti Sarah. And the song on my my page "GOAL" by Shayne Ward is specially dedicated to my 2 wonderful angels.

Throught my last fail relationship, Ive gain extra strength and dignity.And yes I can proudly said, I've won the battle.