Im Confuse If Its Normal For Me to Feel this way.

All my life, i have never judged anyone. Not the prostitute at Lorong Alor,not the criminals who commit crime and not those who constantly do wrongs in their lives. As I am also human who repeatedly doing mistakes in my life so what gives me or others the right to judge other wrong-doers. What I am about to write is not that I am judging anyone. But lately I am a bit confuse.
My confusion started when this client of mine kept begging me to be his girlfriend. And if I agree to be his girlfriend, he would give me monthly RM2,000.00 allowance. I felt so insulted by the offer. Ever since this offer, I started to feel disgusted with many things when it comes to men and women.
It took me a long long time to get over my nightmare of my life which is the time I was raped for 5 years when i was 7 years old till 12 years old. I was ok and no more sitting in my NUMB SHELL(numb shell is a place in my inner thoughts where i will run to when I needed to feel safe or when I feel threaten).But when this particular client kept bugging me to be his so call girlfriend and on top of that paying me RM2,000.00 a month, once a week spent time together??? WTF?
I might be a single mom having to raise my 2 kids all by myself, but I definitely don't need this kinda offer..and the worst part is, he is bloody married. People are getting sooooo immoral. And so much that anyone proposed or confess to me about their feelings for me I will freak out.
I am happy the way I am now. Because with no relationship I can concentrate on my dad, my kids and my job. When I thought about it, why do I need a life partner..i mean I have my dad, i have 2 kids, a house thats almost fully paid, i have 2 cars and i have an interesting jobs and on top of all these, I have friends that are special to me like Zuriani, Sherry, Nini, Azlan, Sammy boy, Fahmi, Tuan Alwee, Amad, Ariff and few more..that care about my well being.
But I'm confuse...am I normal to be feeling what I am feeling right now? I mean I get freak out when anyone start to confess? Ayo..SOS...SOS..SOs...

Ellie is sick today

Its been 2 days I have been BedBound. It all started when i came back home last Sunday. I felt my throat hurt so bad and by night i was down with temperature. I blamed it on the haze. Its really bad the past few days. Monday, I still went to work despite waking up with No Voice. But because i had an appointment with my boss at Bernama Radio, I had to force myself to go to work.
By noon, i got sicker. And yesterday, i broke my own record. I got myself a 2 days MC. Damn! After 5 year of working and MC-FREE, yesterday I had my first MC(Medical Leave).
Today, this stubborn girl decided to force herself again to work. Reached the office at 9.45am, stayed till 10.15am, couldn't stand my headache and still having temperature, I finally decide to just go home and rest.
I hardly get sick.Heheheheh its like 4 years once. I hope because of the cancer, my body is not getting weaker. It has to be stronger day by day. Im a fighter and always will be a fighter.