FORGIVE ME..

Slept at 6am this morning but woke up at 7.30am. Just couldn't sleep thinking how much I must have hurt his feeling when I told him that our relationship is finally over. I still remember his look last night when he told me he doesn't want to lose me and he had his tears streaming.
I feel so shitty for hurting him. I know how much he loves me but I also know that there is no happy ending to our relationship because he is married. I love him so much but I can never hurt another woman by loving her husband.
I know Allah is testing me.
The whole night after I sent him back, I couldn't stop thinking how much I've hurt him. But i had to do what I did last night.As I'm writing this, my heart is feeling really sad. I have never in my entire life, INTENTIONALLY hurt anyone. UNINTENTIONALLY perhaps as I'm only human being. Sayang, please forgive me. I have to let you go despite the love I have for you was and is always true and sincere and I will always love you.
I know someday, you will be okay. Once you return back to your country to be with your wife and kids, things will be ok. I'm doing this for the best of every party. PLEASE FORGIVE ME MY SWEETHEART..FORGIVE ME

Its finally Over...

27th January 2009, finally my relationship with him is over. I have to make this decision not base on my heart but this time I'm using my brain. I have to put my heart aside this time when making the decision to end my relationship of 1 year 3 months.
I have thought about it the past 4-5 months and finally I managed to pull myself together and said to him what I had to say. Though this is the first time I fell in love with a guy( never in my life i fell in love), I have to make this decision to end our relationship.
Its the best decision i had to make. 5 months ago I found out that he is married and I was devastated and i felt like my whole world collapsed but then I realised that I have 2 beautiful angels that love me sooooo much and wants me to be happy. They need their mom to be happy and that is what I will be for them. I want to be happy myself. Only by being happy will I be able to make others happy and God says He will only helps those who help themselves.
One thing Im glad is that after this Im not gonna allow any men to hurt my feelings anymore. No more crying for MEN. I deserve the happiness. Its been too long I forgot who Elina is.

TO MAM

To MAM, Im sorry for the things that happened and worst of all, my actions. Just want you to know that I will be here for you always. As your best friend, your sister and your shoulder to cry on. ALWAYS. Thank you for always being there for me during the times I needed a shoulder to cry on. Take care. Your forever loving sister...The Gypsy Bride

I Forgave u but I can never trust you again

Yesterday I was pretty upset with one of my closest friend. What she did was undespicable and unforgivable. This is not the first time she did this to me but basically ever since the time i knew her. When I first knew her, before I actually met her in person, she has done the same thing with my ex boyfriend which our relationship at that point of time were already hit the bottom rock.
Last night, I was so hurt with what she did. My mind were racing all night asking to many questions. Questions like how could she? why did she? What did i do to her? Why me? She just had to do it, at the time I am breaking up with my boyfriend.
But again, after a long thought about it, I think even though she is one of the closest friend i have, she is just a bitter person or perhaps, she is just miserable and maybe just maybe..I am spacial after all.
Anger is a wasted emotion.
Too much energy, too much effort spent on a negative feeling that gets you no closer to being happy than the original catalyst that caused it. Many more worthwhile pursuits exist than to than to sit around seething in anger.
Anger at past happenings are better off being let go. The past cannot be changed, better to look toward the future. Anger at people can be distilled into two categories. People you care about and people you don't. The latter should simply be dismissed. Being mad at this person only serves to make you unhappy. It can never have a better resolution. Again just let it go. In the other case, it is much better to try and understand why the person did what was they did that made you mad. This is a much quicker path to resolution than fuming over what could be little more than a misunderstanding.
Living life, is about finding happiness. It really is just too short to waste precious time on being angry. There is too much to be done, and so little time to do it in.
To this friend of mine, its sad that even though you are one of my closest friend, the trust is no more there. I can never share my secrets not just my darkest secret but even the smallest secret.They said it takes years to build up trust in a person but it only takes seconds to lose trust in a person.
Things happen by decision, whether its right or not is secondary. We never know till we decide. I have made few major decisions in the past month or so.

You're supposed to be my best friend..how could you betrayed me

We went through hell and high water together not to mention a year of many other life changing events. So what did I miss? How is it that the dear friend that I knew and loved turned out to be a cold hearted, gutter sniping, back stabbing low life from hell? All the signals were there and I chose to ignore them. Did I slump on my bobbing and weaving skills?
So, the deed is done. Now you know. The friend whom I thought was your best friend, my road dog, my true blue, has shown her true colors leaving you standing looking stupid, hurt and betrayed in his or her dust. Now what? Once you go through the initial hurt, pain, suffering and all the other emotions that come with being deceived, it dawns on me that you have a decision to make.
This is not the first time my best friend has made me look stupid and this time even worst, you made feel like a fool and embarrassed me to someone I'm close to. I trusted you with my darkest secret and my soul.
How could you do this to me. How could you tell him things that made him confused about me? I know you are gonna tell me that it's not your intention to hurt me. I would do anything for you. You have severely buried me in the sand. I wish i know what I did wrong to you. Now I can't even face him after what you have told him.Damn!
What I really need now is a brown paper bag to cover my whole entire head.
I can never see him again ever after what you did to me. I know he said its ok, forget about the whole issues, but the damage has been done.
There we were, just standing with the crowd,we were the closest of friends laughing so loud.And as time went on, I started trusting you more and more. I told you things that I hadn't told anyone before. I opened up to you, I gave you my heart and you have the heart to turn around and tear it apart.And you think I don't know what you are saying brhind my back? but you really want me to be happy, you must pay the price.I realized that you're the one who ruined my life and continue make it worst.How can you be heartless? How coulllllllld you?????