ME & my melacholic mood

Lately my body has been feeling very lethargic, but I must NOT show it to anyone. I must remain strong and fight for my life.And I don't know why, the past week, thought of my late mom keep coming to mind and it put me in a very sentimental mood lately.
Oh I heard this song which i fell in love with. DO U REALLY LOVE ME by AOP. Its a beautiful Indonesian song. Unfortunately I don't have anyone to dedicate it to. Normally any love song I would dedicate it to Allah and my kids, but this particular song is really meant for a couple thats in love.
Most of the times, I'm practically happy without a relationship, but at times I do feel kinda alone. ANd today I'm in that swing of melacholic mood and feeling really irritable and raw.And at this moment I really feel like I need someone to sit and talk to me and wish I have someone whom I can call my own, and when I am down, he would give me his shoulder and say..here! come here ellie, cry on this shoulder of mine..lol.
Every night I would turn on to my close friend's radio station. http://www.radioforfun.com. He is my close friend at Jakarta. Very nice guy and he is also in the same boat with me. Alone and no one to call our own. hehehehe.So at times he would cheer me up and I would cheer him up. He would play my request and sent me nice Indonesia songs.
(Yawnnnnn!!) Gosh I am really sleepy..I will continue writing tomorrow. Gudnite all

LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO SPENT BEHIND YOUR OFFICE DESK...LOL

Today, the first thing I saw when I turn on my YM was En Raffie's status. "Al Fatihah for Yasmin Ahmad...:( our prayers will be with her. She is one of the greatest local film maker.Gonna miss her great festive advertisements.
When I thought about her, how she collapsed during a meeting at Media Prima office, it makes me wonder about myself. She is a perfectionist and she was always busy with her work..its really scary. What if I it happen to me like what happen to Yasmin. She is 50 and I reckon by now she has everything in her life.
Even though I work for my kids, but whats the point if I collapsed and never to wake up again?Oh dear! I will miss out on the things I want to do with my kids and my dad. Perhaps its about time i change my priority in life. I should do what i enjoy doing and the most important thing is to give more time for my princess and my lil prince.
I know if Ridhwan and Sarah are given 2 choice..spent a quality time with their mom and to have material, they will choose spending time with me.
From now on, I am gonna reduce my time at the office. No more staying back late. Work will never be finished no matter how long I stay and do it. But the time I miss spending with my kids can never come back. Doctor told me I have 2 years, I refused to believe that because only Allah knows but just in case its shorter than what the doctor told me, at least i have spent the best quality time with my 2 angels.
Of course I will still fight for my life. The reason I do not want my dad to know that I am sick is because I do not want him to worry. Someday, when I am fully cured which I know I will, just someday, I might just tell him. But for time being, I just want to enjoy life with my daddy and my 2 kids..smell the flowers, hear the birds chirping, putting black henna on my nails and toe nails, watch movie, play my guitar etc etc etc. Of course not forgetting my no 1 duty which is to Allah.
I will take my life a day at a time and spent it wisely.