Friday, January 2, 2009

Siti Sarah's First Day at school


Today was the the orientation day for Standard One pupil. Sarah was all excited going to a real school. Just me and her.Reached her school at about 7.15am. School actually will be reopened on Monday 5th January. Today was only for standard one pupil.She looked so cute in her school uniform. Only thing was, she wasn't comfortable with her head scarf.
When i reached Sarah's school, every kids came with both parents. Where was Siti Sarah's father. Probably at his home, sound asleep. I can see all fathers were excited having their children going to school. Well since Ridhwan's time, my ex husband didn't come along. I had to settle a lot of things today at Sarah's school. 16 text books in my hand..kinda heavy, having to que to pay the school fees, i felt like fainting for a while then, having to go to the school office to settle some things. Well at least i did it myself.
While waiting to pay for the fees, i looked all around me,i can see how lucky those women and those kids to have such a responsible husband and a father.Well, i promise my 2 angels, Im gonna be a good mom and at the same time be a good father to them. I don't need to depend on their father.
I know i can do it without him. I mean even as when we were husband and wife for 6 years, he had always been irresponsible. And 3 years without him I still managed. Guess i can do things on my own.I don't need anyone to bring up my kids insyaAllah. I will manage.

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Beware Of The Blackman Syndicate


Last night while all my friends were out celebrating New Year, I was at home with my Blogging, when my ex colleague buzz me on YM. She was all excited telling me about her boyfriend she knew on the Net. But the moment she told me, the guy had sent her a parcel, a Christmas present..I immediately stopped her from continuing her story. I told her its a scam. There are these group of Nigerian people that goes on the Net pretending to be a decent white man.Putting profile pictures of someone else, most of the time a gorgeous white man. Location are mostly UK. Wife had passed away and looking for a wife and a mother to his young child.
These men will go on the Net and start looking for their prey. Mostly Asian women. And unfortunately many women had fall for these men and thinking they were serious. Once this women fall into their trap, which normally will take around 3-4 days, this so called "gentleman" will tell the lady that he will be going on a trip.During that particular trip this guy will still be online. The next thing will be "Hey I saw this pretty necklace and i just have to get it for you. I will be sending it to you together with some cash.It should be arriving in 2days time." And these naive women will be all excited thinking there will be a parcel containing the necklace and the cash. One thing these women failed to realise is that..why would anyone sent some cash thru a Parcel when its against every country's law? Isn't nowadays they have this thing called MONEY GRAMM or WESTERN UNION? which only takes 10mins to receive.
This is the interesting part, they even have a courier company and a parcel tracking code to make it look convincing. 2 days has passed by. There will be someone pretending to be local authority calling and said the parcel has arrived but they can't release the parcel until Tax is being paid. Normally a couple of thousand. These naive ladies will fine money and will bank in the money.
Please remember that the immigration or the Custom will not ask public to bank into a personal account to pay tax. But if only the lady would call up the immigration at the right channel before banking in some money,these thing would not happen.
Now there are more new tricks these Nigerian syndicate have come up with. At times its not parcel. It can be themselves coming to this country or their households have been shipped here and many many more.
I do hope those ladies who are easily falling for gorgeous white man to think before they do stupid things. Its a lesson learned well to those who went through this ordeal and do be careful when being on the NET.

New Year's Eve of 2009...


Tomorrow will be 2009..means my life is nearer to an end.Celebration? Should i be celebrating? Its just another day, tomorrow when i wake up, IF i wake up things will still be the same. My previous resolution are still not fulfilled, why should i hope for a new one. I might as well get working on my old resolution. Maybe some changes here and there. Like getting rid of people whom i think not worth having them in my life.
Like today for example, I told Sheila that i will not get her the diet tablet but instead gave her the telephone number of the person that sells it.I just don't have the heart to sell it to my friends because of what happen to me when i took that tablet. I collapsed after having difficulty in breathing due to that slimming tablet. I told her that the reason i didn't pick up my phone because i was in the meeting from morning till evening. And besides, i left my phone at home.
She started saying stupid things when i buzz her on YM and i just got pissed. To me, I was trying to help her. Well i guess its not worth having such friend in the first place.I come to a point where I really don't need too many people in my life.Just like what i wrote in my previous blog titled BEING SINGLE,ALONE AND LOVING IT. first at all, you have to realize what really is important to you, what really makes you feel better, and try to be the most satisfy as you can doing things for yourself… How? It depends only of you.
I will cut down a lot of activities which relate to other people. I want to learn to be selfish from now on. I hate when family and friends treat me like door mat or like I'm some kind of a punching back. And when they don't need me..i will become invisible to them or they will throw me like a dirt bag.
Well anyway life has to on, till next time..HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Love letter to someone....


There was a time where I didn't believe in love.I really thought it never existed, but this is the time that makes me want to thank you. Thank you everything, because it is you that taught me love, and how to love. Before, I feared love. But now, I know I can't go on without love. Not any love, but your love, my love, my only, my one. I know you might fear my love. Here I am telling you to not fear it, but have it. Out of all the things money can buy and life can give, my love to you can not and will never match. Because it is you who I live for and will die for. It is you who has my heart, body, and soul. My eyes open to see you and close to picture you. You run wild in my mind, You stay still in my heart. My soul you share and my body you hold. Forgive me if I stop writing, but I must, for I fear words written on a paper can not describe what I honestly feel for the obssesion of my love, for you my love.Love you for the years to come, loved you for the years that have passed, and my love you will have always
i am overwhelmed by the flood of emotions. i am also a lover but i chose to hold back my feelings for this person because he is for something else, something greater than life itself. yes, i know that when the time will come that he has to go for it and live it, i will be broken. i know it will make me wanna scream and shout because of the pain but i know he will be happy there. his happiness is what i seek because i love him so much that though it will crush me, i am willing to see him without me. it is so easy to love but to really love without measure makes one the most vulnerable of all. but i believe that is the essence of love, loving and letting go just for him to be happy whatever his decision. i know he loves me, he told me so but i know i don't come first in his life. and that, i have to live with.
thank you for this chance to say how i truly feel. we all share this gift, the gift of loving. all of us are lovers, but not all have realized it yet or maybe they just chose not to be one because of the pain.
I love so much about you that it is hard to pick just a couple of things out. I love the way you laugh. I love the way you smile. I even love it when you make me mad and don't know why. I love how when you upset me, you try so hard to make it better. I am so in love with you that I don't go one minute without thinking of you and wishing that I was with you! I can't stand to be without you for one second. You have truly turned me into myself. Before you, nobody allowed me to be me. You have allowed me to open up my heart and trust again. You have allowed me to smile and be happy again. And for that I love you. I thank you and I will forever cherish our memories and I know there are many more to come.

My day today.....how much more do i have to go thru this??


Today, as i woke up in the morning, as usual, i sat on my bed, facing the window, looking up at the sky, I did my everyday routine..thanking Allah for giving me the chance to wake up and hear the bird chirping. Only that today i woke up feeling sad in my heart..Maybe its because of the things my ex husband said to me through his SMS (text messages). I have no more strength to face him and so I asked Allah to help me make it through the day...Only Allah can protect me and give me the strength.
I reached the office at 8.15am. Didn't talk much..wasn't in a mood. Took my lappy and sat in Zaireen's room to do my work. The whole day i was in her room doing my work. At the office, i had to face some idiotic who just know how to dictate and never know how to say the simple word "Thank you" or "Please" or "Can i ask u for a favour?".
My mind was still thinking about those text messages my ex hubby sent me last night. I wish i can just wipe him out of this planet.
I decided to go home early from work today. I just don't have the mood to do anything. My mind is blank and numb. At times i stared at my lappy screen for a long moment. Too much for my brain to compute and handle. There are times when i can't even feel any motions.
All I can do is hope and pray. I don't talk about what I'm feeling inside to anyone anymore. I just have to act tough and go on with my life and hoping for Allah's mercy

Monday, December 29, 2008

Have u ever hate someone that u cant forgive them?


Have you ever hated someone that you’ve not spoken to that person for a long long time?
Well, during my school days in primary school, I almost hatred someone just like that, but fortunately I was saved from such a disease. Yes, hating someone is a disease, an emotional disease that can cripple us for life.
While love is easier to manage, hatred is harder to bear as its like a heavy sack one carries on one’s back. The disease if not cured will eat that someone bit by bit until without realising it, it will make the person someone who is bitter and unhappy with the world in general.
Hatred is one of the diseases that our ummah today suffers. Almost every Muslim knows another Muslim whom he hates.
The Ummah is like a building with the Muslims as it’s bricks, brotherhood is the cement. Without forgiveness you cannot have brotherhood.
In life, there will always be people who at times might have wronged you. Deceived or backbited or lied to you. But even in these extreme situations the Qur’an and the Hadith teach us that we have to forgive others (especially those who hurt us the most) if we wish to earn the forgiveness of Allah on the day of judgement.
We have all committed many sins, made many mistakes and no doubt we might also have wronged others, deceived, backbited or lied to others too. No human being is perfect. So what makes us focus onto brothers’ and sisters’ errors while we remain unconscious of our own? Not to forgive is like living in arrogance & ignorance of our own shortcomings.
Forgiveness is linked with piety and God-consciousness, is there anybody who is not without sin? Is there anybody who can be arrogant enough to say that he does not need to forgive? Do we not know that Allah forgives those who forgive others?
Therefore, we should realise the difficulties of others and forgive them.
Allah says in the Qur’an: “Be quick in the forgiveness from your Lord, and pardon (all) men - for Allah loves those who do good.” [Surah ali Imran; 3:133-134]
And we know that Allah Himself is Ar-Rahman (the Most Compassionate) and Ar-Rahim (the Most Merciful) and that His Mercy is infinite, and that no matter the sin (except shirik) Allah is always willing to answer the person’s call for forgiveness.
In fact Allah loves the tear drop that falls from the eye of one who sincerely seeks the forgiveness of his Lord. And Allah loves us to have hearts that are ready to forgive.
The Prophet s.a.w. once asked his companions; “Do you know what will cause you to have high walled palaces in Paradise (as a symbol of great reward) and will cause you to be raised by God?” When they replied in the negative, he said, “To be forgiving and to control yourself in the face of provocation, to give justice to the person who was unfair and unjust to you, to give to someone even though he did not give to you when you were in need and to keep connection with someone who may not have reciprocated your concern.”
Similarly the Prophet s.a.w. said that the best of people are those who are slow to get angry and quick to forgive. On the other hand the worst of people are those, he said who get angry quickly but are slow to forgive. The characteristic that makes a person most likely to forgive is the purity of his or her heart. Apologies must be accepted, the Prophet s.a.w. said that: “Whoever apologises to his brother and that apology is not accepted, then the person who refuses to accept the apology bears the sin of one who takes the property of another unjustly. If we look at the example and the character of the Prophet s.a.w. we can see that he was always forgiving and never showed enmity to anyone except those who waged war against him.
We should similarly be merciful with each other. First of all, we ourselves should not do anything to upset our brothers and sisters (because this is in itself a part of mercy) and then we should forgive those who have upset us or made us angry.
We will never be a strong ummah if we are not able to forgive. Some might say that to forgive is a sign of weakness and humiliation, and for them it is better to be strong and preserve their honor. But honor in the eyes of Allah lies in forgiveness.

I pray for extra strength


Last week i had to work till late hours in the morning..for 4 days i had to come back around 4-5am just because some people in my office can't think using their brain and self centered. Today i sent a text message to my HR saying that my partner and I wanted to confirm on our book off tomorrow and that's when they start passing around and finally the answer was..we both cant go on our book off because they will be on leave. Seriously they don't have a heart of a leader.
Today i send a text message to my ex husband telling him that he can collect my sister's car this week. He was the one who asked for my sister's car..just because my sister uses his name for the car. My sister never once miss on the payment. My sister decided to buy a new car and somehow the loan approved.Unfortunately my ex husband turn around and accused me of playing him out and denied everything about him asking for the car.
Now since my sister is not going to pay anymore for the car, he wants me to pay everything. He wants to make my life a living hell..There is nothing i can do about it..Allah is my witness...I have never had any intention of hurting him even though the pain he has caused me over the years. He is becoming a bitter man.
I wish he would stop hurting me...all i can do is pray to Allah to give me the strength to go thru this ordeal.I know someday..just someday...this whole thing will be over..just like the song "somewhere over the rainbow".
And someday Allah will make him see what is he becoming of....