My Day Today

Today I decided to go for my run at MPSJ track. Its been 5 months since I last went for my work out at the gym. Not just because I have been busy but also my left leg needed the rest for 6 months. Woke up at 5.45am, did some reading and really forgot the time until my Pete text me at 6.25am. Replied his text and took my ablution and prayed.
Wanted to just stay in bed at least until 7.30am but then again need to start my exercise. Changed into my exercise attire and woke the kids up.Decided to bring my kids and my helper along. Only managed to do 5 rounds around the track. After 5 rounds, my left leg was still feeling OK.Not bad I said to myself.Told myself, need to do one more test to see if my leg can take it..running up and down the steps. Another 10 rounds of ups and downs of the 25 steps non stop. Alhamdulillah til now my left leg is OK.
Weather was really nice. Sarah and I were singing "What a wonderful world" all the way back home. I see trees of green, Red roses too.I see them bloom for me and u..and I think to myself WHAT A WONDERFUL WORLD. The colours of the rainbow so pretty in the sky( Sarah & I jus love to sing)....Sent the kids n my helper back home and decided to visit mama's grave. Recite some verses from the Quran for her. Had a lil chat with her. Updating her stuffs....telling her things that happened at the office and telling her about this wonderful guy i just know. God! it feels so 'tenang' at her grave. Really pray to meet mama again.
Went back home,don't know why feeling lethargic but then my room needed my attention. Decided to clean my room at the same time enjoying my text messages with my Petey. Just after doing the cleaning, went out with my angels for lunch(food at home is too luxurious for me, big prawn curry, chicken ginger with leek, etc). I just need some simple food, vegetarian.
Wanted to pay Nini a visit but was too tired. Perhaps later tonight. Decided to take a short nap but my short nap wasn't that short. I slept til 6pm. Must be the DETOX. I detox my body every 6 month but since after Ramadhan, I only eat once a day so probably with the detox and lack of food in my body made me feel lethargic.
Decided to have a quick check on my Tagged. Something caught my eyes. My ex changed his profile picture. He only put the picture which he knew only me will understand. Every time, he puts that picture, it means he is sad. Its already been a year when I broke up, but why is he still doing this to me. I have to move on with my life. He had his 20months chance with me. I am not a person who would wreck someone's marriage. Its bad enough not knowing I was having a relationship with a married man. But guess what? This time that profile picture he just change is not gonna make me feel sorry. I have a life. I am not gonna let anyone hurt me anymore. I deserve to be happy. Its time i care for this someone named Elina Ariffin. She deserves especially from myself.

Guess It's The Bitterness in Them

Sometimes it’s funny to see how some people are so bitter. They are constantly finding ways to hurt others. But the funny part is, while these people busy finding ways to hurt the other party, this person just couldn't be bothered and go on with their life. So the loser will bee those with bitter heart, those who filled up their heart with anger and hatred.
We know we should forgive. We know we shouldn't be bitter. There is, however, a significant problem. Forgiveness often gets frustrated. It gets blocked, stuck, restrained, entangled. The process of forgiveness often begins with the best of intentions, but then it somehow looses its steam. The rage returns. The pain & the injustice overwhelm us again. We find our hearts turning away from forgiveness toward bitterness & revenge. Our inability to forgive leads us to see ourselves as spiritual failure. Bitterness is an intense animosity towards another person that erodes our peace of mind & robs us of joy. We need to recover from bitterness because of what it does to us. We need to be healed of our pain, freed from our rage & comforted in our grief so that we can let go & move on in life. But, once bitterness begins to grow, how do we get the process of forgiveness started again? It would be relatively easy if forgiveness were a simple matter of choice. Unfortunately, choosing to forgive is only a small part of what we need. The whole process of forgiveness requires much more than a willingness toforgive.C. S. Lewis put it this way:

We find that the work of forgiveness has to be done over & over again. We, forgive, we mortify our resentment ; a week later some chain of thought carries us back to the original offense & we discover the old resentment blazing away as if nothing had been done about it at all. We need to forgive our brother seventy times seven not only for 490 offenses but for one offence. Clearly, forgiveness isn't some kind of magical incantation that we can use to make our pain disappear. Forgiveness is an emotionally costly struggle. It's, however an important struggle because it's part of the struggle to live in solidarity w/God & his Kingdom. So struggle to forgive is the struggle in whom we ourselves find forgiveness. If you have ever tried to forgive someone & became struggle because you were unable to do so, these studies are intended for you.

Another Crazy but blessing day for me

Yesterday I just couldn't sleep thinking about today's appointment at PERNAMA. Yesterday,The moment, Sadiq told me he couldn't go to PERNAMA with me, I felt my heart just stopped. That means i have to go to PERNAMA all by myself having to present something which has TECHNICAL problem. And me? NOT a technical person with NO technical background. This is like committing suicide.

As usual woke up this morning, thank the Almighty for giving me today. Had a little chat with Him. Somehow He gave me the answer.."Read your yesterday's journal title MESSAGE I MUST SHARE"...WHEN GOD LEADS YOU TO THE EDGE OF THE CLIFF,TRUST HIM FULLY AND LET GO. ONLY 1 OR 2 THINGS WILL HAPPEN. HE WILL EITHER CATCH YOU WHEN YOU FALL OR HE WILL TEACH YOU HOW TO FLY.

Reached the office at .8.30, got all the document ready and waited for Sadiq hoping he would tell me that IP for the PERANAM radio streaming is fixed. But then when I asked him, he said "sorry ellie, I will call TM net now"..I was still acting cool though deep inside me only God knows.

Then sadiq came to my desk, showed me what to do with the server once I get into PERNAMA server room. I have never in my life fiddled with a server...what more without being accompanied by a tech person.

Before I left the office, Sadiq said "Good luck ellie..i know you can do it". I was leaving the office prepared to be shot by Datuk Wahab, the Boss of PERNAMA. So while driving to Klang, all the way I was reciting Surah Al Ikhlas and remembering Allah's message. TRUST HIM AND LET GO. Reached PERNAMA....went straight to the server room. Suddenly my phone received a message. Opened the flip and saw message from Sadiq that said "Radio PERNAMA problem fixed already, Ive change the IP on PERNAMA.dapat.com. It's live already".

That moment I felt like "WO!" Allah is at work with my problem. One problem solved and now to get the server running the radio streaming is another problem. While I was installing the radion system, all the bosses were standing behind me. Then Datuk Wahab said " Ellie, if u can pull this through, i give you the highest salute." That made my heart beats even faster...

Each time I click "Apply"..I got the message "Error"...and again error and again. Behind me their bosses were waiting...and deep inside me I said "cool ellie..they are only human..Allah will make me pull through this problem". Then i called Sadiq telling him that I have done every step that he briefed me before i left the office but still fail. Then he said "Ellie restart the server..restart it now"...the after i did as told..wallllaaahhhh!..I jumped and thank Allah for everything.

Datuk Wahab was so happy. He said You are one cool lady..for someone who is not IT background...that was the best compliment for the day. Then we had a discussion. During the dicussion, my YM was ON and suddenly a window pop up. It was from someone I used to have a relationship but broke up a year ago.

He asked me about this someone that I wrote about in my journal. He never accepted the breaking up of the relationship. But I can never go back to him after going thru almost 2 years of shedding tears. When I was with him, he flirted basically with everyone on the net and this morning one of my friends wife told me that he even flirted with her. And after 1 and half years i got to know he is married with 2 kids and wife was 3 months pregnant with the 3rd child. I was stupid then.

I will not trade the guy that I am getting to know now with any amount of cash. Put a million buck, I will still say NOPE I will not exchange him with anyone pun. He is Allah's blessing to me. He has every qualities i look for in a man. I want to get to know him and having him in my life is one of the best Gift besides my kids and family. He might not realize what a wonderful person he is but he is really a cool guy. His eyes show sincerity in him, his simple way of living and he is so caring. Not only that, even though we both are playful in many ways, he is also matured and wise. The way he talks, the way he communicate and his funny jokes always gives me a 'jaw cramp'. Its the biggest waste for me if i lost him. So no way anyone can make change my feeling for my peterpan. Tinkerbell loves Peter Pan very much

Embracing The Imperfection

...People will always forget what you do, and they will always forget what you say, but they will never, ever forget the way you make them feel... When I was a little girl, my mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now and then. And I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work. On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage, and extremely burned toast in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed! Yet all my dad did was reach for his toast, smile at my mom, and ask me how my day was at school. I don't remember what I told him that night, but I do remember watching him smear butter and jelly on that toast and eat every bite! When I got up from the table that evening, I remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for burning the toast. And I'll never forget what he said. 'Baby, I love burned toast.'

Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night, and I asked him if he really liked his toast burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said, 'Girl, your Momma put in a hard day at work today and she's real tired. And besides-a little burnt toast never hurt anyone! You know, life is full of imperfect things...and imperfect people. I'm not the best housekeeper or cook.'

What I've learned over the years is that learning to accept each other's faults - and choosing to celebrate each other's differences - is the one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship. Burnt toast should never be a deal breaker. We could extend this to any relationship in fact - as understanding is the base of any relationship, be it a husband-wife or parent-child or friendship!!"

Don't put the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket - but into your own.

A Message I must Share

The man slowly looked up. This was a woman clearly accustomed to the finer things of life. Her coat was new. She looked like she had never missed a meal in her life. His first thought was that she wanted to make fun of him, like so many others had done before.

"Leave me alone," he growled... To his amazement, the woman continued standing. She was smiling -- her even white teeth displayed in dazzling rows.

"Are you hungry?" she asked.

"No," he answered sarcastically. "I've just come from dining with the president.. Now go away."

The woman's smile became even broader.


Suddenly the man felt a gentle hand under his arm.. "What are you doing, lady?" the man asked angrily. "I said to leave me alone.


Just then a policeman came up. "Is there any problem, ma'am?" he asked..

"No problem here, officer," the woman answered. "I'm just trying to get this man to his feet. Will you help me?"

The officer scratched his head. "That's old Jack.. He's been a fixture around here for a couple of years. What do you want with him?"
"See that cafeteria over there?" she asked. "I'm going to get him something to eat and get him out of the cold for awhile."

"Are you crazy, lady?" the homeless man resisted. "I don't want to go in there!" Then he felt strong hands grab his other arm and lift him up.
"Let me go, officer. I didn't do anything.."


"This is a good deal for you, Jack," the officer answered. "Don't blow it."
Finally, and with some difficulty, the woman and the police officer got Jack into the cafeteria and sat him at a table in a remote corner. It was the middle of the morning, so most of the breakfast crowd had already left and the lunch bunch had not yet arrived.

The manager strode across the cafeteria and stood by his table. "What's going on here, officer?" he asked."What is all this, is this man in trouble?"


"This lady brought this man in here to be fed," the policeman answered..

"Not in here!" the manager replied angrily. "Having a person like that here is bad for business."

Old Jack smiled a toothless grin. "See, lady. I told you so. Now if you'll let me go. I didn't want to come here in the first place."


The woman turned to the cafeteria manager and smiled. "Sir, are you familiar with Eddy and Associates, the banking firm down the street?"


"Of course I am," the manager answered impatiently. "They hold their weekly meetings in one of my banquet rooms."

"And do you make a goodly amount of money providing food at these weekly meetings?"

"What business is that of yours?"

I, sir, am Penelope Eddy, president and CEO of the company..."
"Oh..."

The woman smiled again.. "I thought that might make a difference."
She glanced at the cop who was busy stifling a laugh. "Would you like to join us in a cup of coffee and a meal, officer?"

"No thanks, ma'am," the officer replied. "I'm on duty.."

"Then, perhaps, a cup of coffee to go?"

"Yes, ma'am. That would be very nice."

The cafeteria manager turned on his heel. "I'll get your coffee for you right away, officer."

The officer watched him walk away. "You certainly put him in his place," he said.
"That was not my intent... Believe it or not, I have a reason for all this."


She sat down at the table across from her amazed dinner guest. She stared at him intently.

"Jack, do you remember me?"

Old Jack searched her face with his old, rheumy eyes. "I think so -- I mean you do look familiar."

"I'm a little older perhaps," she said. "Maybe I've even filled out more than in my younger days when you worked here, and I came through that very door, cold and hungry."


"Ma'am?" the officer said questioningly. He couldn't believe that such a magnificently turned out woman could ever have been hungry.

"I was just out of college," the woman began. "I had come to the city looking for a job, but I couldn't find anything. Finally I was down to my last few cents and had been kicked out of my apartment. I walked the streets for days. It was February and I was cold and nearly starving. I saw this place and walked in on the off chance that I could get something to eat."

Jack lit up with a smile. "Now I remember," he said. "I was behind the serving counter. You came up and asked me if you could work for something to eat.. I said that it was against company policy."

"I know," the woman continued. "Then you made me the biggest roast beef sandwich that I had ever seen, gave me a cup of coffee, and told me to go over to a corner table and enjoy it. I was afraid that you would get into trouble. Then, when I looked over and saw you put the price of my food in the cash register, I knew then that everything would be all right."

"So you started your own business?" Old Jack said.
"I got a job that very afternoon. I worked my way up.. Eventually I started my own business that, with the help of God, prospered.." She opened her purse and pulled out a business card. "When you are finished here, I want you to pay a visit to a Mr. Lyons. He's the personnel director of my company.. I'll go talk to him now and I'm certain he'll find something for you to do around the office."
She smiled. "I think he might even find the funds to give you a little advance so that you can buy some clothes and get a place to live until you get on your feet. If you ever need anything, my door is always open to you."

There were tears in the old man's eyes. "How can I ever thank you?" he asked.
"Don't thank me," the woman answered. "To God goes the glory. He led me to you."

Outside the cafeteria, the officer and the woman paused at the entrance before going their separate ways.. "Thank you for all your help, officer," she said.

"On the contrary, Ms. Eddy," he answered. Thank you. I saw a miracle today, something that I will never forget. And...And thank you for the coffee."

Have a Wonderful Day. May God Bless You Always and don't forget that when you "cast your bread upon the waters," you never know how it will be returned to you. God is so big He can cover the whole world with his Love and so small He can curl up inside your heart.

When God leads you to the edge of the cliff, trust Him fully and let go.
Only 1 of 2 things will happen, either He'll catch you when you fall, or He'll teach you how to fly!

The power of one sentence! God is going to shift things around for you today and let things work in your favor.

God closes doors no man can open & God opens doors no man can close..


Have a blessed day and remember to be a blessing

Thank you

Yesterday, Q and me had another long conversation. We talked till 5am. We talked about many things..getting to know each other and trying to understand each other. This time I am taking things really slowly. Normally I would tell the Almighty, if this person is not meant for me, please show me some signs and which He always gave me immediate answer. This time, I told Allah that if Q is the guy, guide me and I will love him for the sake of Allah and hope Allah will lead us to Him.
I hope someday this will be the guy who will be my Imam in my 5 times prayer. My wish is to have someone who will be :
1. Imam for all my 5 times prayer
2. Give me the simplest but happy life
Before I met Q, I have actually slowly letting go of my ways of life. Eversince I came back from Bandung, I have found the life I have been searching,I want a simple life, enjoying it and being bless by the One above all the time.And having to stay in a big city, it's kinda difficult but bit by bit, I managed to. Then Allah sent him to me and he is the simplest person i know. He takes religion very seriously(The most important asset in a person). And he doesnt put a precondition in our relationship. He said I am free to do anything in my life AS LONG AS I DONT GO STEPPING THE BOUNDRY SET BY THE ALMIGHTY.
I really thank Allah for sending such a wonderful person into my life.

Anger Only Gives you Pain Right In Your Heart

Everyone gets angry once in awhile. Its only natural. But sometimes, you just happen to be in a situation where you do not know why someone is so angry that he/she cant forgive you when you do not know what you did wrong in the first place.
When someone does something wrong to you people deal with situations and circumstances in many different ways. Some people are very easy going in nature and can let things go pretty easily. For others, all though it may take a while they will eventually let it rest as well. There are those however who cannot seem to ever let things go. These people have a very hard time forgiving and forgetting and tend to hold on to grudges for a very long time.
There are many reasons people hold on to grudges. For me personally, it is all about the intention. I typically don't stay mad because you did something that ended up making me angry. It's all about your intentions. If I feel like you intentionally did something to upset or hurt me, I may have a hard time letting that go. For a lot of people malicious intentions of others are the reason that it is so hard to forgive. But is it really worth it to hold on to a grudge?Holding a grudge is not worth it.
Most people don't realize the negative effect it has on their everyday life. As hard as it is, when someone does something wrong to you just let it go. It's not easy but it is the best decision you can make for yourself. If you chose not to do so you will live a miserable existence until you do. While you're sitting around moping and fussing and just being mad about the situation, the person who offended you could care less. In fact you are not even a thought in their mind. You are making yourself miserable and you are staying angry while they probably do not even remember the situation.
They have since happily moved on with their lives but you are still just fixated on the past and cannot let it go.Holding on to the past for two long can have a lot of consequences. Besides the fact that you are unhappy, the stress alone can take a toll on your health. You will never be happy if you cannot let go of the past. The past, like many things are beyond your control. Accept the things you cannot change and change the things you can.Life is to short to hold on to grudges. Time just flies by so fast and before you know it, it's almost over. There's only one life to live. Make sure to live it to the fullest and live it well.
Hey guys if there seems to be a constant stream of bad news coming our way but we must remeber that there are a lot of great things in this world. We need to learn to program our mind to focus on the many great things about this world. Here are just a few reminders Can you hear the birds singing?
Can you believe its free to listen to this sweet music. How can not be inspired by it.The flowers in the garden. It really lifts that scene. The natural colours. The gentle breeze in your face. Can you feel that? The fresh airThe smile from the stranger. They didn't have to but they did. You see there a lot of good people out there. Of course it's the bad guys who get the press. For every one robbery that makes the news there's probably ten unheard of stories of people helping an old lady cross the road.
The greeting from friends and family. They are invaluable to us. They are special and we lucky to have them.The sun rising in the morning.That great song. That wonderful Beatles composition or that sweet Beethoven Symphony. A lot of musicians write songs about the most wonderful things. It can only be good for us.That great movie.What about a nice picnic.Isn't that a lovely view? Don't let it pass you by.
The sound of a baby crying or a baby laughing. Doesn't it make your heart jump for joy.Lets do something spontaneous today, a break from the norm.What about reading that classic book. It really entertained me. What a great story.Keep reminding yourself of these things and you'll appreciate the good things in this world.

My Life

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my patio I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.
Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60 &70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love ... I will.
I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set.They, too, will get old.I know I am sometimes forgetful.
But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers,or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and
compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.
I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face.So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore.
I've even earned the right to be wrong.So, to answer the question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever,but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day(if I feel like it).

Avoids Cursing and foul language

When a Muslim has adopted this attitude towards anger(the anger is for the sake of Allah), then naturally for his tongue to refrain from uttering curses and foul language. What reinforces this attitude and keeps him from swearing is his sincere adherance to the moral guidance of Islam, which DISCOURAGEs him from cursing, swearig and using bad language in such a way that the Muslim cannot even bear to hear such words.
"Cursing a Muslim is a sin and killing him is 'kufr'" "Verily Allah does not love anyone who is foul-mouthed and obscene" "Verily ALlah will be angry with the disgusting, foul-mouthed person" " The believer is not a person who hurts others with words,or curses, or swears, or foul-mouthed"