Sometimes I do face "The lousiest day " too

I just have to dedicate this particular song to myself. It is by Boyz II Men (So Amazing). At this moment, only God knows what I am going through. Even as I am writing this particular entry, i just can't help but sobbing my heart out. I just have to cry it out so that after I am done with my crying I can detached this particular emotion that i am feeling right now and get ready to face a new day with a new happy emotion. So Elina, this song is specially dedicated to you.
Oh, ooh, oh yes
When you're life's walk
Can't see the light of day
And your hope is gone
When you second-guess your faith
When you turn around
And realize that no one else
Will believe in you only yourself
When you're holding on
Can't find a will to breathe
Can you right the wrong?
That has brought you to your knees
Though you've barely lived your life
You keep on believing you'll survive
And all that's left is what's inside

Amazing
I have heard my inner voice
And finally can rejoice
I was lost and way down
Never thought that I would be
Amazing but now I'm free

So you let go of love
that's holding on
And you close your eyes
Never thought of being wrong
And you surrendered half your life
To a world of pain and sacrifice
But through it all, through it all
You make things right

Desperate (oh so desperate)
So confined (so confined)
Every day (oh) losing
touch (losing touch)
of my mind
(Of my mind, oh)
I found that strength
(So I found that strength)
In my pride
(And I've gave my pride)
Isn't it crazy, so amazing
I'm alive

Where do we go when.....

Where do we go when were scared, do we hide or do we stand up and be strong, where do we go when were broken and beat down, when all we hear are the voices screaming in our little ears, where do we go when these voices get closer and closer, do we sit in the corner while crying for help in the dark, where do we go when all the smallest of things become big and surround us, surround us like all the little demons in my head, where do we go when we feel like the walls of all our little worlds come crashing in on us, where do we go when there's no passion in anybodies heart, when no one feels love, where do we go when everyone feels depression, when everybody's hurt and walking with there heads down, where do we go, what is to become of everyone.

Being a single mom...

Again, my back door neighbor's maid has done it again. She managed to convince my new maid to leave. All my next door neighbors have problem with their maids because of this particular maid behind our house. So now it's been a week i have no maid helping me out. Being a working single mom is tough....and without maid is even tougher. But i am not gonna sit and cry because I know I am under Allah's protection. Knowing that itself has given me the peace of mind.
Many men would have this funny thought when it comes to single mom or divorcee. LOL their mind would generate this animal instinct (NOT SAYING ALL MEN YEAH but 50% would).Even some mothers when they know that their son dates a divorcee, they freak out. Actual fact its not easy doing what we're doing because we wear so many hats that we sometimes get confuse ourselves. We sometimes have to listen to how others view you like "Oh she is so bossy, oh she is so dominant and oh she is so strong but what they don't see is that at times we get weak too but master the art of keeping it out of view. When is forced to come into anything harder, we are forced to be role of father and mother.

Now that i am "maidless", I am forced to be everything and hiding my tears. I will sleep at 3 in the morning and by 5.15am i have to wake up and do the laundry, prepare breakfast for my kids, mop and vacuum which need to be done daily because my son is asthmatic, the house need to be extremely clean. And by 8.30 am i have to be at work. And from 1-2pm, i would switch off the office lights when every one is out for lunch, i would creep under my desk and take a nap..everyday i would do this.
I have to be strong. Despite having cancer, i still managed to do 2 jobs during day time just to put food on the table for my kids as i don't get alimony from my ex for the kids, and alternate night having to attend night class w
hich finishes almost 11pm, and by the time I reached home, i will have to prepare school stuff for my kids so that it will be easy for them the next day. But above all this..i enjoy every bit of my life. So to Allah, "Thank you, I'm sorry. please forgive me, I love you" ( this is what I chant every morning when I wake up and before I go to sleep).
At this moment I wish my mom is still around. I need her to hug me and tell me that I will be ok. :( (sobbing)