Finding Joy in our life

Have you ever noticed that “hope”, when it finds its way into your heart, creates a flush of love, joy and a feeling of potential? And hope, I have found, is kind of sneaky.It doesn’t announce itself, advertise itself or promote itself. It seems to slide in the back door when we’re not looking. On the other side, when we’re not looking, we can stumble, fall, hurt ourselves, cry and fall into a well of sadness.

After recovering a wee bit, we may begin to long for calm, joy and happiness. It’s when we shut down our antennae – our guidance system – that we stop looking where we are going and rely on the opinions, ideas and agendas of others. I believe that is where we lose hope and joy: when we give up our own sense of inner knowing and self-trust as inside the lion a guidance system.Taking cues from others is great, but only if we have first made sure it fits our own sense of who we are. Hope is an amazing feeling. It holds within it joy, as well as happiness. And the miracle is that even if we have lost everything – house, security or loved ones – it can find its way to us.

Joy and hope, as a closely knit pair, come when we feel we are given a sparkling, brand new direction that fits our deepest inner self.

That new direction could come from a sentence in a book, a word from a friend, a thought out of the blue, a realization of a new way.

We become who we want to become, not from following others, but from following our own star.

Others have their own directions, their own paths that fit them perfectly. Each of us has a deep knowing of our true preferences, of what matches our vast, crazy, out-of-the box soul, of what fulfills our unique passions.

Even if we have family responsibilities and very little time to think about ourselves or our own ability to find jooy in the rush to care for our loved ones, we can still take time quietly at night as we fall asleep or wake up to observe what our deepest passions are.

Following up on these passions is the key: to take time somewhere in the routine to pick up the passion and discover its limitless power for us. When we hit that deep vein of gold in the ground, the power surge is worth our full attention.

Suddenly our stresses, cares, fears, uncertainties, disappointments, low self-esteem, relationship crises, you name it, pale into the background. The reason we don't find joy is just that we feel our true selves stir, like a caged lion ready to be let out. That lion in us understands it has responsibilities and fulfills them well. However, it has enormous, explosive potential to find joy waiting to be explored. This potential – when allowed to open, be fully recognized and enjoyed – becomes our star that guides us into our deepest joy.

HEaling myself from within..

You want to heal your life or at least parts of it, but have you ever wondered how it will affect others? Have you ever gone farther with this and wondered if your healing could heal him too? Or maybe it will chase him away?

I came to a place in my life when the desire for an extended journey inward called me so strongly, I couldn’t help but heed the call. So off I went, randomly choosing one of the roads that led within.

I soon found myself wondering if my man was noticing my growth which also came with “growing pains”. Would this change how he felt about me? I hoped of course he would feel better about me and about us. I hoped he would feel more connected to me.

But what if he felt threatened by it? What if my growth would make him feel uncomfortable, for wouldn’t my healing bring up things in him? And maybe these things would freak him out, causing him to abandon me in search of status quo.

These thoughts may have crossed my mind, but I wasn’t going to let it deter me, so I had to trust, in my own path and in him, that he would want to grow right along with me.

For the most part, your inner workings, the struggles, the triumphs go on inside you mostly unnoticed to the extent that no one will come to you and tell you that it seems as though you must be working on yourself.

The farther you venture inside YOU and weed out and release the “stuff” you no longer need nor serves you, the things that keep you from being the person you want to be, the woman you really are at heart, the greater are the chances that someone will see it and feel it, especially those close to you such as your man.

As You Heal Your Life, Your Partner May Notice New And Extended Moods( Hehehe my temporary mood swings- to my man, u know what i mean...I warned you already baby)

1. He might notice that you seem blue, a heaviness pervading you during a time when you are working to peel away a particularly nasty piece.
2. Or when you are immersed in intense introspection, some old painful blocks within may manifest outwardly as troubled and irritable or quiet and withdrawn or sad and gloomy or morose and pensive or just kind of off.
3. He WILL perceive a peacefulness enveloping you, a lightness following the relinquishing of that big, bad chunk.

The more you can release these layers, the more AMAZING you will feel, like a huge relief, like a big sigh but better, maybe more like an orgasm. A lovely calm will permeate you as a huge smile paints itself on your face and lovely energy pours out of you.

Your man will certainly feel the positive aspects as you heal, but it’s unlikely he will say much if anything at all about ANY of it. This might feel confusing to you. And it’s okay.

The More Deeply You Heal Your Life, The More You Need To:

* Talk about whatever arises in you with a close friend, a confidante, a coach, or a therapist. Women do very well, much better usually if there is someone on whom they can unload, use as a sounding board and/or as a support system.

* Journaling is an excellent tool as well though I suggest it as an adjunct.

* And when I feel ready, I will TELL him. Sound scary? It doesn’t have to be. I want to keep it simple though.

~ I will tell him that i feel introspective lately, disconnected maybe, whatever it is I feel.

~ I will tell him I am sorting things out within myself, that i want to dig out some “bad stuff”.

~ I will tell him I am working to open my heart up even more, as I let go of old habits.

~ I will tell him i don’t want him to think I am upset with him.

~ I will NOT outline my journey with him though.

It’s just NOT a good idea to share the details with your man. Men do not understand this work the way we do, for the most part. They think differently; they work things through differently though the end result can often appear much the same.

You’re more open and connected. That’s all he needs or wants to know. Not how you got there. Not what you uprooted. Not what you felt as you traveled through nor what you thought. He only wants to know the now.

And this frustrates many women, for most of us want to talk about it all, explain ourselves, go over every little item. Rather than allowing this be to a source of frustration, let it be, and go tell all to your best girlfriend.

When I became stronger within myself, more secure, felt safer, once the darker clouds lifted I did eventually tell my man what was going on with me.

I told him I had been having a tough time, digging down deeply, letting go of unneeded, unwanted “stuff” which had been interfering. I told him I had been working on releasing fears. And THAT’S ALL I told him. Any more than this, and a man’s eyes will start to glaze over.

So when you heal YOUR life, how does it effect HEALING in HIS?

Much of the male inner work is unconscious, often prompted by OUR INNER WORK. They DO tend to take our lead in this. When YOU heal YOUR life, you can heal him too. BUT you have to keep in mind that you cannot make him see or do anything. He will, or he won’t. If he comes along for the ride, great, but you CAN’T MAKE HIM.

Could this mean the end of your relationship? Sure, there is always that possibility, but ask yourself this, would you rather stifle your growth to accommodate another? I hope your answer is no.

You may grow apart. But IF the LOVE between you is strong, the connection DEEP, these elements tend to become more so.

There’s nothing for you to do. He can take your lead, and he likely will if you are closely bonded, but remember his process still won’t look anything like yours.

So by healing yourself you CAN facilitate HIS healing. Heal YOUR life. Heal HIM.

To get married or NOT to get married...*Sigh!!!

Everyone keep asking me this one particular question which i am trying my best to avoid"So when are you gonna get married?". The answer is "I dunno". Maybe because I have failed my first marriage. 2 days ago, i had a conversation with my dear friend Bard. I told him about my situation.
Getting married is once in a lifetime decision for many people. When people wish to get married, invariably all of them expect a full life together. Very few would think of marriage as a short-term exercise. Hence, it is very much necessary that all aspects of a life together be fully analyzed before tying the knot. Usually men and women tend to have different perspectives about married life. It would be better to have open and honest discussion to sort out the possible future irritants or at least understand them so that some sort of compromise could be arrived at.The reasons that a man looks at while desiring to marry her are innumerous. However, a few of them top the list in order of priority. For most men, the need of a woman in life is necessitated by the motherly love that he had received in his early life. He needs a woman who can show him the same love and who could fulfill his physical and emotional needs. That is why many men look for the same qualities in a woman that their mothers possess. The second reason is to have a lifetime companion, who can share his desires and needs. The third reason is love. When a man feels that he loves a particular woman, he wants to own her fully. This might appear to be a wrong reason but that is the way humans are made. Everybody likes to possess what he or she desires and human relationships are no different. In some cases, the man might marry a woman because she has become pregnant and is carrying his child. Certain men wish to marry a woman who is having the same career as his, so that they would be able to adapt to each other better. It is quite usual for a doctor to marry a doctor and a lawyer to marry a lawyer. They would be able to understand the work pattern and the workload of each other. However, few others are very particular that the woman is having a different profession, so that their interests do not clash. This choice depends on the outlook of the individual.
Men marry women for these reasons:

• The wish to continue the motherly love received in childhood.
• Desire to have a lifetime companion.
• The love the man has for the woman.
• The woman having become pregnant by him.
• To have a woman who has a similar career for easier adaptability

And women marry men simply for these reasons:

• Wish to escape from parents.
• Desire to have a lifetime companion.
• Love for the man.
• Having become pregnant by the man.
• To have a man having a similar career for easier adaptability.

The reasons for getting married are quite obvious. On the other hand, the reasons for not getting married are much more complicated. In fact, it would be difficult to mention reasons for not getting married. However, the reasons for a marriage becoming a failure could be discussed with more ease. There are several jokes about marriage but nearly all of them are at the expense of the woman. There should be some strong reasons for that. Probably, the main reasons are the innumerable needs that women have that drain the purse of a man and the continuous nagging that women indulge in after marriage. One joke says that a successful man is one who can make more money than his wife spends but a successful woman is one who finds such a man. Many women tend to nag the men too much after marriage. They try to compare their husbands with other men who are more successful in life, which is resented by the husbands. Wives also tend to give free advice to men as to what they should and should not do, which is also not liked by many men.