Sexual Abuse Effects

My path of Life is going where I always dreamed it would go. For years I was so withdrawn and had walls so high around me. Now they are slowly coming down and I am becoming the lady I truly wanted to be all my life.
I was once a child sexual abused victim. I had to go through this nightmare for 5 years. It totally stopped when i was 13 to be exact. I never told my mom and dad til I was 17 years old. Why didn't I? Its rather hard to explain to WHY didn't I inform my parents about the incident. The number one reason child sexual abuse victims don't tell is that they are afraid they won't be believed. Children fear reprisals from the offender.
Offenders tell the child that no one will believe them; and that even if someone does believe, the child will be blamed for the abuse. Offenders openly threaten the safety of the child and/or members of the child's family. Offenders tell the child the perpetrator will get into trouble if anyone discloses the sexual abuse. This is particularly fearsome for the child when the perpetrator is a family member, because the child fears abandonment. Offenders promise gifts and rewards and offer bribes for the child to keep the secret. With young children, this can be candy, toys, trips to McDonald's. With youth, it can be videos, DVDs, rides in a car, sports tickets, sports equipment, clothes, makeup, jewellery, money, anything that is valued by the youth. Sexual abuse effects on children and youth can be evident in emotional, physical and behavioural ways. These effects can be just as devastating whether there was only one occurrence or there were repeated occurrences. Sexual abuse cannot be compared, because each abuse experience is unique. Children are vulnerable to sexual abuse because of their age, size and innocence. When a child or youth is molested, she/he learns that adults cannot be trusted for care and protection: well-being is disregarded, and there is a lack of support and protection. These lead to grief, depression, extreme dependency, inability to judge trustworthiness in others, mistrust, anger and hostility. And as if all that isn't enough, children's bodies often respond to the sexual abuse, bringing on shame and guilt.
» Children/youth are unable to protect themselves and stop the abuse.
» Children/youth are susceptible to force.
» Children/youth are susceptible to the use of trickery by offenders.
» Often times, children/youth have no control over their own bodies.
» All too often, children/youth are unable to make others believe them.
The above factors lead to:
» anxiety
» fear
» shame
» a sense of inadequacy
» the need to control situations and others
» a perception of self as victim
» identification with the aggressor Factors That Influence Sexual Abuse Effects Miraculously, not all children or youth molestation victims display signs that something is wrong. FACT: Between 21% and 36% of sexually abused children will display few or no symptoms (Oates, O'Toole, Lynch, Stern & Cooney, 19941).
Why do some victims display a multitude of emotional and behavioural effects, while others display few or none? In spite of few or no outward symptoms, child and youth victims do suffer emotionally. These emotional effects come in varying degrees, depending on the following six factors: The nature of the relationship between the victim and the offender: the closer the emotional relationship, the greater the emotional trauma. The age of the child when the abuse began and the duration of the sexual relationship: an ongoing sexual relationship with repeated contacts is generally more traumatic and usually produces more sexual abuse effects than a single contact. The type of sexual activity the victim is exposed to: sexual acts involving strictly non-contact sexual abuse appears less traumatic than sexual acts that involve contact. It is important to note, however, that trauma and the sexual abuse effects are still very real when any type of sexual abuse occurs. The degree of physical aggression directed at the victim: violence adds to the trauma of the abuse. Being physically abused, having a mother who is mentally ill, not having someone to confide in, and being socially isolated are significant predictors for childhood sexual abuse (Fleming, Mullen & Bammer, 19972). The response the victim receives when she/he discloses the abuse: healing is apparent when a disclosure is met with compassion and is followed with effective intervention; if the victim is met with skepticism and accusations, anger, or no response at all when she/he discloses, the sexual abuse effects are compounded. The availability of a supportive person in the victim's life: a caring, loving, nurturing, and listening person in the victim's life lessens the trauma; a lack of a supportive person intensifies the abuse and leaves the victim feeling even more lonely, helpless, and unworthy.

Molested children suffer many losses, including:

• self-esteem and self-worth
• trust
• childhood, including the opportunity to play and learn
• the opportunity for normal growth and development
• intimacy
• control over his/her body
• normal loving and nurturing
• safety and security

The longer the secret continues, the more trapped in the abuse the child or youth sexual abuse victims become. Survival means learning to adapt to the abuse in a variety of ways:

sexual abuse victims minimize the abuse by pretending that whatever is happening is not really bad--this can take the form of a tough sense of humour

they rationalize the abuse by explaining it away--they blame the abuse on the offender's drinking, drug use, etc.; they develop a twisted sense of love, telling themselves the offender is showing them love

they deny that the abuse ever took place

sexual abuse victims forget that the abuse ever took place, which is one of the most common and effective ways children deal with abuse

they label themselves--sexual abuse victims believe they deserve the abuse and that it's their fault. Nothing can be further from the truth!

they become controlling--sexual abuse victims try to control themselves and others; they become super-alert and eager to please

Though these coping skills are self-destruction, they are highly effective: they help numb the pain and get the child or youth through each day.

This page is dedicated to child abuse survivors who are on a life-altering journey of Awakening. A journey that for some—like me—is one that will bring understanding of their true purpose in life, one that will bring inner peace, joy and contentment. A journey that for countless child abuse survivors will be one of healing and recovery.

I believe that child abuse survivors around the world will come to see that A New Earth is the path toward healing and recovery AND is the answer to transforming your life so that you can enjoy the peace and contentment that you, indeed most of humanity, have lost.

Life throws many things in ones' direction, but if you take it on with good friends, support and those special people who stay awhile and leave those footprints in your heart, support you in all you do, want to do and become, it's all worthwhile in the end.