Learn To Love

It may be easy to look around our world today and see the appearance of chaos, difficulty and strife. Yet, when we come from an open heart, we can also see our opportunity to love all things into balance, joy, harmony and peace. This planet does not need more visions of desperation, fear, doubt and hate - it requires an abundance of love, especially unconditional love, to heal and restore the beauty contained in every moment. This becomes the easier path once we take the first step and begin to share our love.

When we bring unconditional love back into our personal, professional, community and family lives, we begin the journey of restoring wholeness and happiness to our planetary adventure. Of course it takes determined effort on our part as the old ways of being are quick to return in our mind. However, this effort to love is rewarded with a new perspective on everything and all life benefits as a result.

Many people have traveled this world with different dreams, purposes and aspirations. Many are masters, teachers, inventors and followers. They were all sent by the creator of the universe to achieve one just course; “global peace and unification.” But this course cannot be achieved without unconditional love, which possesses the magical powers of the Divine for transformation. When the human race embraces love unconditional, then the lost will be found, the naked will be clothed, the hungry will be fed, the bombs will be destroyed and there will be peace and unity which will make us all to speak one language, “LOVE”. Let love abide .

- Philip D. Brown, Port Harcourt, Rivers State, Nigeria

LOVE...

“Love isn't blind or deaf or dumb - in fact it sees far more than it will ever tell. It is going beyond yourself and stretching who you are for someone else. Being in love entails seeing someone as you wish they were: to love them is to see who they really are and still care for them. Love isn't bitter, but you can't have love without pain: sacrifice is the hallmark of love, the coin of love.
Being in love usually is used in a romantic sense when you meet your significant other transforming a normal relationship into a deeper one without further interest in others.
Love means that you trust the person, would do anything for the person, and know that person is with you through thick and thin....”
"There are no shortcuts through the way of life", and so, sometimes in spite of strong unwillingness, we have to face all the trials. Trials which often leave us heart-broken and paralyzed. We are lost and shattered. But its really up to us whether we will let others become the masters of our lives and dictate upon us.

Consistent Love And Kindness

One day a young man was walking along an isolated road when he heard something like a crying sound. He couldn't tell for sure what the sound was but it seemed to be coming from underneath a bridge. As he approached the bridge, the sound got louder and then he saw a pathetic sight. There, lying in the muddy river bed, was a puppy about two months old. It had a gash on its head and was covered with mud. Its front legs were swollen where they had been tightly bound with cords. The young man was immediately moved with compassion and wanted to help the dog, but as he approached, the crying stopped and the dog snarled his lip and started to growl. But the young man did not give up. He sat down and started gently talking to the dog. It took a long time but eventually the dog stopped growling and the man was able to inch forward and eventually touch the dog and begin unwrapping the tightly bound cord. The young man carried the dog home, cared for its wounds, gave it food and water and a warm bed. Even with all of this, the dog continued to snarl and growl every time the young man approached. But the young man did not give up. Weeks went by and the man continued caring for the puppy. Then one day, as the young man approached, the dog wagged its tail. Consistent love and kindness had won and a lifelong friendship of loyalty and trust began. " Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we shall reap a harvest if we do not give up. "

Thank U For Being Part Of My Life

Dearest Sweetheart,

I wake up every morning with the thought of you in my head, wondering if I had dreamed you up the night before, but then I roll over and see your smiling face and I know that you're real; it's not a dream any more. I know I can piss you off and make you mad(with Sharifah Aini's sunglasses), but you still love me with everything you have. I was scared to love you at first, in fear that you would hurt me, but I dove right in and it's the best choice I've ever made. Now, the only fear I have is waking up and rolling over and finding out I had you only in a dream. If this is a dream world then, Baby, don't wake me up 'cause you're the one and only for me. I love you with everything I have and would give you the very clothes off my back. I love you with all my heart.

I have waited so long to be able to wake up every day to know you love me. I'm so thankful to God that you're here... that I never have to be apart from you. Writing this right now makes tears come to my eyes. I have such a strong love for you that I could cry all day long just because I love you. Sure, I tell you that I love you and how much, and I try to show you, but no matter what I do for the rest of our lives, you will never know just what I feel inside. How you make me feel is something that can only be felt, never explained. You take my breath away with some of the things you say. Just the way I feel when I lay with you, your arms wrapped around me, holding me, like I'm your baby. I sometimes am surprised of how much emotion comes out when I cry over you. My love for you is so strong that even I don't always realize how much I love you and cherish you.
You say I'm perfect and that you're the luckiest guy in the world, but you don't see what I see when I look at you. To me, you make me so, so lucky to even have you touch me with your hands. Or to even glance my way. I don't know what I did to deserve you in my life, but I thank God for letting me do it. You are so unbelievably perfect. And you are the perfect boyfriend, bestfriend, person, human being in the world... you, my baby, are the perfect one, not me.
You're my life and you have my whole heart. Wherever you go I'm always right there with you, because you have my heart and soul. I adore you and every part of you: your sweet smile, your strong hands, beautiful eyes, perfect, luscious lips, cute tummy, your sexy butt(even though i can only see but no touch) ... I'm getting chills just thinking about it! It's so cute and, well ... perfect! Just as is everything else on you and about you.
You, my sayunk, are the key to my heart, my other half, my soul mate and I will be so happy the day that I get to walk down the aisle and say, "I do ..." 'cause, Baby, I DO!! I love you, and don't you ever forget that....

Love always,
Girl

You Are The Piece Of The Puzzle I Need To Make My life Full And Complete And Thank You For Being My Best Friend

You have always been such a wonderful protective and supportive person to me... you have been with me and been there for me ever since I met you. You were there for me when I was in love, in pain, in confusion. You've had more faith in me than I have ever had in myself... and I am endlessly grateful for that. You've provided me with an anchor of support, if not always sanity. With you, I feel that there are emotional things that will not change, even if our two separate lives do change on their own. I feel like there is something real and permanent about my love for you. It is like the sky when the mountains may crumble. It is like a background in front of which I will assume the various characters and personalities that this world directs me to.
There is nothing in this world that I would not do for you. I trust you with everything I have, and everything I am. I believe that you know this... and that you have known this for a long time. However it happens, I want you to know that I love you, and that I'll always be there for you above any other person, be it lover, girlfriend, dream or depression. I count myself among the luckiest souls in the universe for meeting you. Thank you for being here for me.

I never had no one
I could count on
I’ve been let down so many times
I was tired of hurtin’
So tired of searchin’
’til you walked into my life
It was a feelin’
I’d never known
And for the first time
I didn’t feel alone

You’re more than a lover
There could never be another
To make me feel the way you do
Oh we just get closer
I fall in love all over
Everytime I look at you
I don’t know where I’d be
Without you here with me
Life with you makes perfect sense
You’re my best friend
You’re my best friend, oh yeah

You stand by me
And you believe in me
Like nobody ever has
When my world goes crazy
You’re right there to save me
You make me see how much I have
And I still tremble
When we touch
And oh the look in your eyes
When we make love

Thanking Allah for Blessing me with a wonderful family, my love life and my wonderful colourful life

My Lord, the uninterrupted flow of Your graciousness have distracted me from thanking You! The flood of Your bounty has rendered me incapable of counting Your praises! The succession of Your kind acts has diverted me from mentioning You in laudation! The continuous rush of Your benefits has thwarted me from spreading the news of Your gentle favors! This is the station of him who confesses to the lavishness of Your favors, meets them with shortcomings, and witnesses to his own disregard and negligence. You art the Clement, the Compassionate, the Good, the Generous, who does not disappoint those who aim for Him, nor cast out from His courtyard those who expect from Him! In Your yard are put down the saddlebags of the hopeful and in Your plain stand the hopes of the help-seekers! So meet not our hopes by disappointing and disheartening and clothe us not in the shirt of despair and despondency.

O the Provider of bounties, my thanksgiving is small before Your great blessing, and my praise and news-spreading shrink beside Your generosity toward me! Your favors have wrapped me in the robes of the lights of faith, and the gentleness of Your goodness have let down over me delicate curtains of might! Your kindnesses have collared me with collars not to be moved and adorned me with neck-rings not to be broken! Your boons are abundant - my tongue is too weak to count them! Your favors are many - my understanding falls short of grasping them, not to speak of exhausting them! So how can I achieve thanksgiving?

My Lord, as You have fed us through Your gentleness and nurtured us through Your benefaction, so also complete for us lavish favors, repel from us detested acts of vengeance.

To You belongs praise for Your good trial and the lavishness of Your favors, a praise conforming to Your good pleasure and attracting Your great goodness and magnanimity. O Almighty, O All Generous! By Your mercy, O Most Merciful of the merciful

This site is dedicated to my Father and my Mother, who brought me up enduring extraordinary hardship and patience, by the will of Allah (Subhana wa Ta’ala). May Allah (SWT) bless them with mercy now and in the hereafter.

I am Ready Now....

A time comes in our life when we finally get it. When in the midst of all our fears and insanity, we stop dead in our tracks, and somewhere the voice inside our head cries out ~ ENOUGH!
Enough fighting and crying and struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, our sobs begin to subside, we shudder once or twice, we blink back our tears, and through a mantle of wet lashes we begin to look at the world through new eyes.
This is our awakening. We realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. We come to terms with the fact that he/she is not Prince Charming or Cinderella, and we are not Cinderella or Prince Charming!
We awaken to the fact that we are not perfect, that not everyone will always love, appreciate, or approve of who or what we are, and that's okay. (They're entitled to their own views and opinions.) And we learn the importance of loving and championing ourselves; and in the process a sense of newfound confidence is born of self-approval. We stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to us (or didn't do for us) and we learn that the only thing we can really count on is God (the supernatural power of the universe.)
We learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say, and sometimes they don't even know themselves.
We also learn that not everyone will always be there for us; and that it's not always about us. So, we learn to stand on our own, and to take care of ourselves, and in the process, a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.
We stop judging and pointing fingers and we begin to accept people as they are, and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties; and in the process, a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.
We realize that much of the way we view ourselves and the world around us, is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into our psyche.
We begin to sift through all that we've been fed about how we should behave, how we should look, and how much we should weigh; what we should wear and where we should shop, and what we should drive; how and where we should live, and what we should do for a living; who we should sleep with, who we should marry, and what we should expect of a marriage; the importance of having and raising children, or what we owe our parents.
We learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And we begin reassessing and redefining who we are and what we really stand for.
We learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing; and we stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for our next fix.
We learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which we must build a life.
We learn that we don't know everything, it's not our job to save the world and that we can't teach a cat to sing.
We learn to distinguish between guilt, and responsibility, and the importance of setting boundaries, and learning to say NO.
We learn that the only cross to bear is the one we choose to carry, and that martyrs get burned at the stake.
Then we learn about love; romantic love and the familial love.
How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving, and when to walk away.
We learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as we would have them be. We stop trying to control people, situations, and outcomes. We learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love, and we learn that we don't have the right to demand love on our terms just to make us happy.
We also learn that to build a long term relationship it takes two to people to work on it.
Love is the most important materials needed; forgiveness and acceptance are needed to cement the relationship.
If one person backs out, the other can't do it on his/her own.
And, we learn that alone does not mean lonely. And we look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that we will never be a perfect size, and we stop trying to compete with the image inside our head and agonizing over how we "stack up."

We also stop working so hard at putting our feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring our needs. We learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK. And that it is our right to want things and to ask for the things that we want and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.
We come to the realization that we deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity, and respect; and we won't settle for less.
And, we allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes us to glorify us with his/her touch and in the process we internalize the meaning of self-respect.
And we learn that our body really is our temple, and we begin to care for it and treat it with respect. We begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water, taking more time to exercise and stop smoking.
We learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear.
So we take more time to rest.
And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul,and crying cleans our hurts. Suppressing our hurt makes us weak.
It's ok to cry; it's a form of releasing our hurt, after we feel the fullness of our hurt, we will grow strong again.
So we take more time to laugh and to play. We learn that for the most part, in life we get what we believe we deserve and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for, and that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen. More importantly, we learn that in order to achieve success we need direction, discipline, and perseverance.
We also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it's OK to risk asking for help. We learn that the only thing we must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time, fear itself.
We learn to step right into and through our fears because we know that whatever happens we can handle it, and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on our terms.
And we learn to fight for our life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. We learn that life isn't always fair, we don't always get what we think we deserve; and that sometimes-bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions, we learn not to personalize things.
We learn that God isn't punishing us or failing to answer our prayers.
We begin to take responsibility for our actions. And we learn to deal with evil in its most primal state ~ the ego.
We learn negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected, or they will suffocate the life out of us, and poison the universe that surrounds us.
We learn to admit when we are wrong and to building bridges instead of walls.
We learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Slowly, we begin to take responsibility for ourselves by ourselves; and we make ourselves a promise to never betray ourselves and to never settle for less than our heart's desire.
And we hang a wind chime outside our window so we can listen to the wind. And we make it a point to keep smiling, keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.
Finally, with courage in our heart and with Spirit by our side we take a stand; we take a deep breath, and we begin to design the life that we want to live as best as we can.

I Finally Conquer Myself

I cannot and I will not lie down and kneel before my life. I cannot and I will not let the destiny that life has dealt me be the only destiny worth living for. I am I, you are you, we are distinct and we are individuals. I will carve my own destiny and I will dream my own dreams. I will walk bare footed through the warm golden sand, sleep naked under the stars and listen to the sea as it lashes against the rocks of hypocrisy. I will let the wind play with my hair and be at one with nature. This is my island and it is called hope.
As long as I am alive I have hope there is a chance, there is a dream to be fulfilled and a life worth living. I aspire not for wealth, for success, to conquer lands or the minds of men but seek refugee in conquering myself. I seek refugee in the hope of touching the stars in the blackness of the night. I ask for the courage to confront my greatest enemy, myself. I ask for the courage to help me to realise the potential that burns within my soul.
As I walk along my island of hope, alone, with merely my thoughts and the sound of my beating heart who have I become and what am I to become? As the sun sets on the horizon, there is calm all around me. The day nears to an end and slowly the sky goes black. Through the darkness appear the glittering eyes of the world and they gaze down at me, the moon smiles at me yet I am I. An eagle flies above me with its wings of hope spread wide into the vastness and emptiness of the ocean in front of me.
I am finally at peace with my soul. My island, which I have strove to seek all my life, is now within my grasp. I have arrived. My island is a place of non-attachment and non-possession. It is a place of calmness where the pains of yesterday are but a distant memory. I have courage within my heart to face my ultimate destiny. As it looks at me, I smile at it. I no longer fear that which I once feared, I no longer yearn for more but am content with what I have gained; I no longer yearn for a life of the past. I look at the demons within me and I have defeated them and they have not defeated me. I have finally conquered myself.
I now embrace my island without regret and walk into my destiny. I have been born, I have lived, I have loved and been loved, I have failed and succeeded, and I have forgiven. There is nothing more for me to do. I have become what I essentially was at birth, myself. I close my eyes and my soul transpires out of my body and takes me to a higher level of existence. I leave the pains of the world and embrace the wonders of what lie in front of me. A teardrop falls from my soul into the ocean, that is how it was created. I cease to exist.

To A friend Of Mine AL...Let Go Let God

This is to one of my close schoolmate and also a reminder to myself.....The feeling of being in love is so intense that it feels like it will last forever. We can't believe that the other person doesn't feel the same way. We can't believe that this sacred relationship has been betrayed. You may have been sure that you were in the same wavelength and that you understood each other. Meanwhile, you have been walking on parallel and eventually divergent tracks the entire time. The feelings of betrayal and hurt may take many years to heal.
He drifts in
like the gentleness of a stream.
It all happens
so fast
Wake up…
it’s not a dream.
Before you know
you’re giving and he’s taking
But you are blind
to this deception.
As he uses his insecurities
as a weapon
This “poor man”
he says that he needs your love.
But you also have needs
that need to be taken care of.
He makes everything seem
like it is all your fault.
And you accept it
with a grain of salt.
You lose the meaning
of what life is all about.
You’re falling
and you can’t get out.
When you give away
your soul to someone else
He makes you
his little wallflower on the shelf.
You fight
and you don’t even know how it started.
Your heart aches…
you have parted.
He begs for your forgiveness
…and you go back.
You love
you’re insecure
waiting for the next attack.
I never knew that love
was so mean.
Wake up. . . it’s not a dream.

Ellie..forgive Ellie...FORGIVE...

Woke up when my phone rang...at first i just ignored it thinking must be that psychopathic woman's call AGAIN. Every morning from 8am till almost midnight for the past 3weeks, she would be harassing me with her calls and her text messages. But when i looked at the phone, it was my ex husband. By the time i was about to answer the phone, the call ended. Closed back my eyes but then i heard a text message notification. Its from my ex husband asking me to pay him RM5k. The money which I used for our children when i was still his wife.
I just asked Allah, what's coming next. Bringing up my children without any alimony from him isn't easy. Everyone asked me to ignore the payment as it was suppose to be his responsibilities to support the kids expenses but i don't think I can ignore. At this moment too many things on my mind and it really drives me nuts. But what I am gonna do is to forgive.
Divorce is horrible, painful and when children are involved, it become more difficult. You have every right to go on hating the one that caused you so much heartache and misery but the longer you do the deeper and the deeper your bitterness is going to dig and it is harder for you to move on. Forgiving your ex is the first step down a path to real healing even if my ex intention as he pledged is to see me crawl and suffer.

First, take a deep breath then pray. Pray Hard. Ask for strength because you are going to need it. Ask Him for comfort and mercy. Ask Him to help you forgive the way that He has forgiven you. This first step is very important and should not be left out. You must understand how important it is for you to forgive your ex no matter what he has done to you or how hard it may be. This process can take days, weeks, months, but it must be done.

First step for me to forgive:
Forgive myself for marrying him
Forgive myself for not making all the wrong choice
Forgive myself for getting a divorce
Forgive myself for making my kids grow up in a broken home
Forgive myself for putting up with the abuse for so long
Forgive myself for not being a wife he wanted
Forgive myself of anything and everything that makes me feel the tiniest bit of guilty.
Allah please have mercy on me. Please help me go through this misery I am going through right now. You are my Savior and you are my strength. Ameen.
From now on every time I think of a way that i were being hurt by my ex, every time I start to feel angry that my life is not what i expect it to be, or have any negative thoughts about my ex, I am gonna keep saying, "I forgive him for this and take a deep breath and think about something else. I will find a way to occupy my mind with something positive.
The point is to reinforce the fact that i have already forgiven him and insure that i am not dwelling on something that is gonna stir up more pain and cause me to reconsider my forgiveness.

Troubles...

One day a girl had a pile of troubles, fears and woes stacked so high that she lost track of which was which and what was what. One day she fell down, down so far that everything was shattered; her hopes, dreams and happiness.

Someone asked what was wrong and it was someone who this girl did not want to say anything to or dump anything on. She didn't tell anyone anything and dragged everything with her through her life and still does.

"What's wrong" someone asked. "Nothing," she said. Others also followed that pattern, all but one. This woman quietly slipped her out of the crowd and took her to a quiet place and simply said, "Can I help?"

"Not unless you can change the past," the girl replied. The woman said, "I can't change the past and I can't change anything, but God can change the world and he cares."

That was enough to set the girl into an uncontrollable shockwave of pain and her past flooded her. Her hurts and fears fell on her like a ton of bricks and she cried herself into comfort. The woman hugged her and instead of saying 'everything will be alright', she just held the girl and cried with her.

Sometimes you don't need to ask questions. Sometimes things just fall down around people and they don't know where to turn or where to go or what to do.

Be like the woman in this story and cry with, instead of telling people to 'get over it'. Things wound and scar, but things can wound and heal and never be seen or thought of again. Sometimes you cannot understand certain things. Certain things don't need to be understood.

Overcome...

"When it seems you have lost the battle of life, when you feel deserted even among your loved ones, when all you strength and determination seems to fly away in the Horizon, in just one dolt; when you repent over the loss of your most precious gifts in life, through no fault of yours, remember one thing; nothing is constant and permanent in this world. Neither time nor life, neither solution nor problems, neither precaution nor cure, neither success nor failure.

The thing you feel you have lost, was never yours, be it materialistic or a treasured relation, job or a person. You acquired it in the process of fighting the battle of time. Remember, you lose only when you possess it in the first place. It is you who achieved success in all the fronts of life. If you can do it once, you can do it again.

Do not lose hope. Have faith and belief in yourself. Every human is born with a purpose in life. Think positive. One day these positive vibrations will attract and attach new strings in your life. These strings will create and bring the harmony and music in your faded life. Your life will become a musical note once again."

Thank you Obit San For The Video

Last week a friend of mine, Azlan tagged a video on my Facebook wall and somehow i just love the song that came with the video. Tried looking for it on Youtube and 4shared. Unfortunately i couldn't find it. So i decided to ask one of my dearest friend(obit san) if he has that song and if he can make a video for me with that particular song..Guess what..he actually made a video with the song and lyric upon my request. This video is credited to my dearest friend Obit San...thank you babe.

The lyric is simply beautiful and it means something to me...Some might know why and for dome who doesnt know, it's ok..just sit back, relax and enjoy the song

To My Jazzy Buddy

If only at this moment my very close buddy (who self proclaimed to be the cousin of Mr George Benson...lol)could be here with me right now and listen to this video clip....i bet he will close his eyes and moved his head as if he is high on weed..so "Mr of so called the cousin of GB" this video clip is specially for you..Layyyaaaannnn


Since we can't go to Java Jazz this year...so buddy...lets enjoy it here....

LOST

Lyrics | Michael Buble lyrics - Lost lyrics

I can't believe it's over
I watched the whole thing fall
And I never saw the writing that was on the wall
If I only knew
Days were slipping past
That the good things never last
That you were crying

Summer turned to winter
And the snow it turned to rain
And the rain turned into tears upon your face
I hardly recognized the girl you are today
And god I hope it's not too late
It's not too late
'Cause you are not alone
I'm always there with you
And we'll get lost together
Till the light comes pouring through
'Cause when you feel like you're done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost
When your world's crashing down
And you can't bear the thought
I said, babe, you're not lost

Life can show no mercy
It can tear your soul apart
It can make you feel like you've gone crazy
But you're not
Though things have seemed to changed
There's one thing that's still the same
In my heart you have remained
And we can fly fly fly away

'Cause you are not alone
And I am there with you
And we'll get lost together
Till the light comes pouring through
'Cause when you feel like you're done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost
And the world's crashing down
And you cannot bear to crawl
I said, baby, you're not lost
I said, baby, you're not lost
I said, baby, you're not lost
I said, baby, you're not lost

I Am Sorry For Having To Make This Decision..

Today, i have finally decided that i am not gonna get married "again". The problem is I don't know what should I tell my the "other half's"parents that i decided to call off the wedding. I have been postponing the wedding since last year April. Everyone that i know has been asking when is the big day, when is the big day...The last marriage was not only a failure but it has left me a deep scar..

What made me change my mind? Well, last time it was just fear..but now after seeing the condition of my good friend who is also having cancer, made me realised how things can change within a very short period of time. And there are so many things that i want to do in life. I don't know if one day my cancer can and will be cured..so i have decided to tell him the truth. I don't think i want to go on with the relationship. I think I will only hurt his feelings but he will get over it.
I just want to focus on my cancer(find the cure), my kids, dad, and i am gonna do lots of backpacking trips either alone or with my best friend Nini. After all life is too short to waste and i think as long as in whatever i do, The Almighty is my number One...it should be OK...
23rd Feb will be my first backpacking, and the next one on the 4th March will be another trip. So with this particular entry...to whom it may concern...you will be set free...

Goodbye Forever

Tonight I have decided to close 1 chapter in my life..i don't want anything to do with the whole entire family anymore..the father, the evil mother in that family and their 3 kids.Chapter closed and i will put them behind and move on...don't want to know anymore and hope they stop harassing me after this..history..period...full stop.

TO MY VERY VERY BEST FRIEND NZ...

Today I am kinda sad coz my best friend NZ has left for Jakarta and only God knows when will he be back here...yes he is just a phone call away but (Gosh if he reads this, he is really really gonna get big headed) but I really do miss having him around. I miss the night cycling we had almost every night( and i am pretty pretty sure he already start missing my special coffee, right NZ?)

The past 3 weeks, i have been going through a very tough time and he is always there for me. He is a very funny guy and always give me good advice regards to my boyfriend..he just know how to make me laugh when i am so hurt and so NZ..this is for you...U are my best friend forever...
Lots of your friends want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down. How lucky I am to have known someone who was so hard to say goodbye to. Promise you won’t forget me, because if I thought you would, I’d never leave. It is by chance we met . . . by choice we became friends. The rain may be falling hard outside, but your smile makes it all alright. I’m so glad that you’re my friend. I know our friendship will never end. Life is partly what we make it, and partly what it is made by the friends whom we choose. An honest answer is the sign of true friendship. Thank you NZ

A true friend reaches for your hand and touches your heart just like u did NZ

When you look around and your world is crumbling or when you think no one loves you, your best friend is the one to run to you.
A best friend is someone who knows what you deeply feel and sees the inner you! its someone who felts the way you do, and never run out over you nomatter what! and someone who knows you can always count on!!!!

My Sentimental Comic Strip

Some people might not enjoy this comic strip but some of us truly know how to appreciate it...hehehe..every pickles comic strip that i posted here on my blog has a personal meaning only a few would understand.

A Korean Sad Love Stories

I have a boyfriend who grew up with me. His name is Jin. I always thought of him as a friend until last year, when we went to a trip from a club. I found that I fell in love with him. Before that trip was over, I took a step and confessed my love for him. And soon, we became a pair of lovers, but we loved each other in different ways. I always concentrated on him only, but by his side, there were so many other girls. To me, he was the only one, but to him, maybe I was just another girl…

“Jin, do you want to go watch a movie?” I asked.
“I can’t”
“Why? You need to study at home?” I felt disappointment grabbing me.
“No… I am going to meet a friend…”

He was always like that. He met girls in front of me, like it was nothing. To him, I was just a girlfriend. The word ‘love’ only came out from my mouth. Since I knew him, I had never heard him say ‘I love you’ before. To us, there weren’t any anniversaries at all. He didn’t say anything from the first day and it continued till 100 days…200days… Everyday, before we say goodbye, he would just hand me a doll, everyday, without fail. I don’t know why…

Then one day…

Me: Um, Jin, I …
Jin: What…don’t drag, just say..
Me: I love you.
Jin: ……you….um, just take this doll and go home.
That was how he ignored my ‘three words’ and handed me the doll. Then he disappeared, like he was running away. The dolls I received from him everyday, filled my room, one by one. There were many…
Then one day came, my 15th year old birthday. When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him, and stranded myself in my room, waiting for his call. But… lunch passed, dinner passed… and soon the sky was dark… he still didn’t call. It was already tiring to look at the phone anymore. Then around 2am in the morning, he suddenly called me and woke me from my sleep. He told me to come out of the house. Still, I felt joy and I ran out happily.
Me: Jin…

Jin: Here…take this…
Again, he handed me a little doll.
Me: What’s this?
Jin: I didn’t give it to you yesterday, so I am giving it to you now. I’m going home now, bye.
Me: Wait, wait! Do you know what today is?
Jin: Today? Huh?
I felt so sad, I thought he would remember my birthday. He turned around and walked away like nothing had happen.Then I shouted… “Wait…”
Jin: You have something to say?
Me: Tell me, tell me you love me…
Jin: What?!
Me: Tell me
I put my pathetic self behind and clung on to him. But he just said simple cold words and left.
“I don’t want to say…that I love someone so easily, if you are desperate to hear it, then find someone else.”
That was what he said. Then he ran off. My legs felt numb… and I collapsed to the ground. He didn’t want to say it easily… How could he…. I felt that… Maybe he is not the right guy for me…
After that day, I stranded myself at home crying, just crying. He didn’t call me, although I was waiting. He just continued handing me a little doll every morning outside my house. That’s how those dolls piled up in my room… everyday

After a month, I got myself together and went to school. But what made the pain resurface was that… I saw him on a street… with another girl… He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed me…as he touched the doll… I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my room, and tears fell… Why did he gave these to me… Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls…In a fit of anger, I threw the dolls around. Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him. He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house. I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop. I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget him, that… it’s going to end. Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll.

Jin: Jo, I thought you were pissed, you really came?
I couldn’t help hating him, acting like nothing had happen and joking around. Soon, he held out the doll as usual…
Me: I don’t need it. Jin: What….why…
I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road.
Me: I don’t need this doll, I don’t need it anymore!! I don’t want to see a person like you again!
I spitted out all the words that were inside me. But unlike other days, his eyes very shaking.
“I’m sorry” He apologized in a tiny voice. He then walked over to the road to pick up the doll…
Me: You stupid! Why are you picking up the doll?! Just throw it away!!!

But he ignored me and just went to pick the doll. Then…

Honk~ Honk~
With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him.
“Jin! Move! Move away!” I shouted… But he didn’t hear me, he squatted down and picked up the doll.
“Jin, move!” HONK~!! “Boom!” That sound, so terrifying.
That’s how he went away from me. That’s how he went away without even opening his eyes to say one word to me.
After that day, I had to go through everyday with guiltiness and the sadness of losing him… And after spending two months like a crazy person… I took out the dolls.

Those were the only gifts he left me since the day we started going out. I remembered the days I spent with him and started to count the days… when we were in love…

“One…two… three…” That was how… I started to count the dolls…
“Four hundred and eighty four… four hundred and eighty five…” It all ended with 485 dolls.
I then started to cry again, with a doll in my arms. I hugged it tightly, then suddenly…

“I love you~, I love you~” I dropped the dolls,shocked.

“I….lo..ve…you??” I picked up the dolls and pressed its stomach.

“I love you~ I love you~” It can’t be! I pressed all the dolls’ stomach as it piled on the side.
“I love you~”
“I love you~”
“I love you~”
Those words came out non-stop. I…love you… Why didn’t I realize that….That his heart was always by my side, protecting me. Why didn’t I realize that he love me this much… I took out the doll under the bed and pressed it’s stomach, that was the last doll, the one that fell on the road. It had his blood stain on it. The voice came out, the on that I was missing so much…

“Jo…Do you know what today is? We’ve been loving each other for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldn’t say I love you…. Um… since I was too shy… If you forgive me and take this doll, I will say that I love you… everyday… till I die… Jo… I love you…”

The tears came flowing out of me. Why? Why? I asked god, why do I only know about all this now? He can’t be by my side, but he loved me until his last minute…

For that… and for that reason… to me… it became courage… to live a beautiful life.