Wanting to Trust But Falling Into Doubt

I really can't put these past few weeks into words. I don't even know what to make of them myself.
Here's my vague attempt to describe and make some sense of my life:
My inner world has been a bit of a roller coaster as of late. I've been wavering between doubt and trust for nearly everything lately and I have fallen to doubt. It's been a mixture of intense joy and sorrow, betrayal and loyalty, closeness and yet being so far away. I just can't put it into words because it's been highly contradictory.
I think that many of my struggles exist mainly within my mind and that I am making it a lot worse on myself than I have to and doubting people I shouldn't be doubting, though I shouldn't put my trust in those specifically involved in the gossip/betrayal.
But doubting those who care about me has caused more harm than good and I end up locking people out, or even worse, end up assuming those who treasure me are only pretending to do so. I sometimes struggle to trust my own perception and this happens more often when I'm feeling insecure. So I start questioning everything and wonder what's real and what's not, and just to be safe, I turn skeptical and read into every possible sign of disinterest or deception. Many of these doubts are completely unfounded and even insulting to the goodness of the ones I doubt.
This has been the main struggle in my inner world and I'm intensely aware of this and the power it holds against me. And the truth is that the root of all this is doubt in myself and so I struggle to trust the world around me. I'm usually way more optimistic, trusting and open and I'd prefer to be that way but I'm in one of my funks.
In my outer world, I discovered that 4so called friends have been pretending to like me all this time and have been gossiping about me behind my back. At one time, these friends were semi close and I shared some of my personal secrets with one of them when I thought we were close. I became more distant from this friend before I was aware of the betrayal because he seemed gossipy and was talking smack about another friend I was close to and I felt quite uncomfortable around so much so much gossip and this friend was always flaking out on me too. I also moved on to greener pastures and found friends that were more worth my time. I became kind of distant with this older friend and then grew very distant once I found out he was only pretending to like me. A similar situation happened with the other friend, although there was less emotional investment in this one but I ended up moving away from both of them once I found out about the gossip and cruel comments. What bothered me most was the pretending and the deception and I feel gullible for trusting these people.
It was a little sad to lose them as friends but that wasn't nearly the hardest part because they may have not ever been real friends to begin with. But the deception fueled my insecurity and doubt and I started to wonder if their petty gossip had some truth in it and if others were merely pretending to like me. I want to be accepted (by everyone if possible) and I want to stay on everyone's good side as much as possible and ideally, I'd love to be accepted for being me and this whole situation feels like this huge rejection, despite the fact that I don't care much about the rejectees. I care about their approval though, just as I care about everyone's approval and that's part of the reason I'm struggling to let go.
The reality of the situation is that though I lost these 'friends' I am blessed with a handful of people who I love and who care about me. I am coming to realize that these special people are the real assets in my life. There is one friend who I care about deeply in particular (but there's a few others as well) and even if I lost all social approval and if everyone else really was pretending to like me, I'd still be blessed with these friendships and bonds. This is really what makes life worth living and it's far more important that social approval or being universally liked/accepted.
The prospect of losing these real friends (as opposed to the fake ones) would be devastating. And I am still blessed because those who I care about are close and still in my life and they have proved themselves amazing and loyal in this difficult time. In my heart, I know this loss is not going to happen but when the doubt surfaces, I question EVERYTHING, including these close bonds, and entertaining that possibility is what's heartbreaking and what causes me great anxiety. This is where the doubt really hurts me I also dislike myself for doubting and I'm fighting the doubt as best I can, though I still slip into it. I'm keeping my head above water because I know reality is hopeful in the most important regards and I have those I truly value in my life.