Specially Dedicated To my Friend Julie..Don't Be Despair

I like to dedicate this particular entry to one of my Blog Fan, Julie. Hopefully this entry will make you feel better. I know its easy to say than done, but trust me..what I am about to write is what i have been practicing.
Those who are ignorant have uttered curses at Allah, the Exalted, the Creator of all that exist, so what treatment should we, who are full of faults, expect from people. You will always have to face criticism, which in its onslaught is like an interminable war: it shows no sign of ending. As long as you shine, give, produce and have an effect upon others, then disapproval and condemnation will be your lot in life. Until you escape from people by finding tunnel in the ground or ladder leading to the sky, they will not desist from censuring you, from finding fault in your character. For that reason, as long as you are from the denizens of earth, expect to be hurt, to be insulted and to be criticized.
And here is something you shou should contemplate: a person who is sitting on the ground t=does not fall and people do not kick a dead dog. Therefore their anger toward you can be attributed to you surpassing them in righteousness, knowledge,manners, or wealth. In their eyes you are a transgressor whose wrongs cannot be atoned for - unless you abandon your talents and strip yourself of all praiseworthy qualities, so that you become stupid, worthless, and to them innocuous. This result is exactly what they want from you.
So Julie....remain firm and patient when facing their insults and criticism. If you are wounded by their words and let them have an influence over you, you will have realized their hopes for them. Instead, FORGIVE them by showing them the most beautiful of manners. Turn away from them and do not feel distressed by their schemes. Their disapproval of you increases you in worth and merit.
Verily, you will not be able to silence them, but you will be able to bury their criticisms by turning away from them and dismissing what they have to say.
"SAY: PERISH IN YOUR RAGE" (Quran 3:119)
In fact, you will be able to increase them in their rage by increasing your merits and developing your talents. If you desire to be accepted by all and loved by all, you desire the unattainable.

My Challenge Being An Insurance Agent

After I quit my job as a flight attendant in 1999(10 years with MAS), i decided to take up financial planning. Being an agent with Prudential, my highest challenge is not meeting up my target but to convince the Malay about the importance of having insurance. Believe it or not, 92% of Bumiputera DO NOT have insurance. The excuse i normally get is 1. I have no money 2. I don't believe in insurance 3. As for my children and wife, when I die God will provide.
1. I have no money but when it comes to cigarette, they can spent minimum RM10 a day for a pack of cigarette and spending on sport rims and unnecessary expenses.
2. I don't believe in insurance- well base on what reason not to believe. Have they claimed before and did not received the claim?
3. As for my children and wife, when I die God will provide- Let me quote this ayat from Surah Al Baqarah ayat 240: "(in the case of) those of you who are about to die and leave behind them wives, they should bequeth unto their wives a provision for at least a year without turning them out, but if they go out of their own accord there is no sin for you in which they do of themselves within their rights. Allah is Mighty, Wise.
Some when I left messages at their FB, they would not even reply. 2 of my friends whom I have tried to convinced them to take up a protection plan and both have the same reply. "Wait la" "Not at this moment la". And now both have passed away leaving their housewives n kids struggling to go on with their lives. Its a very pitiful sight especially when I looked into their wives eyes. They were sad plus worried.
But I will not give up as this is my mission to spread awareness amongst the Malay on the importance of insurance.

My Iftar For Today..Thank you Allah For The Rizki

This is to convince my dear dear friend "Earl" that now i can cook..unlike 22 years ago when I was your girlfriend..lol. See today i decided to cook Garlic & thyme Roast Chicken and also Cheesy Baked Potato. So "Earl"..see and believe "Opal" can cook. lol lol lol.

Cheesy Baked Potato with scooped mashed pulp, mayo, egg, beef bacon, onion, and cheese(lots and lots of cheese)



So "Earl"...wanna try some? Convinced?......My Garlic & Thyme Roast Chicken..

Please Do Not Lose Hope..

One of the common mistakes that Muslims end up making is complaining about how the Dua's that they make sometimes seem to go no where -thus leading some to get disappointed and lose hope. I think part of the test is when a believer supplicates(dua) and receives no response, he/she should realize that is a test and needs patience.
What a person experiences of 'was was"(whispers of shaitan) when response is delayed is a sickness which needs medicine. I have experienced it myself. A calamity befell me and I supplicated and didn't get any response, and Iblis started to lay his trap. Sometimes he said "The generosity(of Allah) is abundant, and He is not miserly, so why is there a delay?
I said to him,"Be gone oh cursed one, for I have no need of anyone to argue my case and I do not want you as my supporter.
Then I told myself"Beware of going along with his whispers, for if there was no other reason for the delay except that Allah is testing me to see whether I will fight the enemy, that is sufficient wisdom.
My soul said "How could you explain the delay in the response of Allah to your prayers for relief from this calamity?
I said: It is proven with evidence that Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, is the Sovereign, and the Sovereign may withhold or give, so there is no point in objecting to Him.
The wisdom behind that is proven in definitive evidence. I may that something is good, but wisdom does not dictate it, but the reason for that may be hidden just as a doctor may do things that appear outwardly to be harmful, intending some good purposes thereby. Perhaps this is something of that nature.
That may be an interest served by the delay,a nd haste may be harmful. The Prophet (peace and blessing of Allah be upon him) said," A person will beb fine so long as he does not become impatient and says, " I prayed but I didn't received any answers."
The response may be withheld because of some fault in you. Perhaps there was something dubious in what you ate or your heart was heedless at the time when you said the dua, or your punishment is being increased by means of your need being withheld, because of some sins from which you have not repented sincerely. So look for some of these reasons, so that you might achieve your aim.
You should examine the intention behind this request, because attaining it may lead you to more sin, or prevent you from doing some good, so withholding it is better. Perhaps losing what you have missed out will cause you to turn to Allah and getting it will distract you from Him. This is obvious, based on the dfact that were it not for this calamity you would not have turn to Him, because the real calamity is what distracts you from Him, but what makes you stand before Him is good for you and is in your best interests. If you ponder these things you will focus on more beneficial for you such as correcting mistake or seeking forgiveness or standing before Allah and beseeching Him, and forget about what you have missed out on. P/S: In a way now I am also glad about my cancer..no note that I am enjoying it but knowing that the cancer cell is living actively in my body, night and day, I remember Him. And on top of that, everyday I will try to correct my past mistakes, at least it gives me self realization and He still gives me the time to repent.

Tinkerbell to Peterpan

"Tink was not all bad: or, rather, she was all bad just now, but, on the other hand, sometimes she was all good. Fairies have to be one thing or the other, because being so small they unfortunately have room for one feeling only at a time. They are, however, allowed to change, only it must be a complete change."
Tinkerbell told Peterpan : "You know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I'll always love you Peterpan. That's where I'll be waiting."
Peterpan said to Tinkerbell : "Don't you understand Tink, you mean more to me than anything in the world."
Tinkerbell to Peterpan: "everytime some one says I do not believe in fairies and another one drops dead somewhere..everytime you break my heart thats what it feels like"
Peterpan waited all night just to fly and she never came, and then after he waited and waited she appeared. That only shows one thing, you can always trust a fairy

Vital Stats
Also known as: Tink
Residence: Neverland
Eye Color: Blue
Hair Color: Golden
Best friend: Peter Pan

Desperate...

Desperate, desperate
You're reaching out
And no one hears you cry
You're freaking out again
'Cause all your fears
Remind you another dream has come undone
You feel so small and lost like you're the only one
You wanna scream 'cause you're
Desperate

You want somebody, just anybody
To lay their hands on your soul tonight
You want a reason to keep believin'
That someday you're gonna see the light

You're in the dark
There's no one left to call
And sleep's your only friend
but even sleep
Can't hide you from all those tears
And all the pain and all the days
You wasted pushin' them away
It's your life, it's time you face it

You want somebody, just anybody
To lay their hands to your soul tonight
You want a reason to keep believin'
That someday you're gonna see the light
'Cause you're desperate; desperate
'Cause you're desperate; and now

You know that things have gotta change
You can't go back you'll find your way
And day by day
You start to come alive

You want somebody, just anybody
To bring some peace on your soul tonight
You want a reason to keep believin'
That someday you're gonna see the light
You want somebody, just anybody
To lay their hands on your soul tonight
You want a reason to keep believin'
That someday you're gonna see the light
'Cause you're desperate, desperate
'Cause you're desperate, tonight
Oh desperate, so desperate
Tonight, tonight
Desperate, desperate

Oil Pulling...May have found my cure

Its been almost 2 years since cancer is part of my life. And I have accepted it well with no regret and complaint because I know its His way of cleansing my sins. As what Allah has said in Surah Al Baqarah

Baqarah, 2: 286)

On no soul does Allah Place a burden greater than it can bear. It gets every good that it earns, and it suffers every ill that it earns. (Pray:) “Our Lord! Condemn us not if we forget or fall into error; our Lord! Lay not on us a burden Like that which You did lay on those before us; Our Lord! Lay not on us a burden greater than we have strength to bear. Blot out our sins, and grant us forgiveness. Have mercy on us. You are our Protector; Help us against those who stand against faith.

Anyone suffering from illness should remain patient, for there is no reward better or more enriching than that reserved for those endure in patience. I guess because of my patience in accepting my condition, Allah has sent people who knows alternative cure.

Just the other, one of my colleague called me at my extension. She told me to try this supplement call Transfer Factor. That's very sweet of her .

And today I attended a meeting at RTM and when Mr Krishna asked me to why I have to use the cane, i had to tell him of my condition.He said "why not try alternative?" and I told him, I am looking for a good one so he said he will take me to Klang to this Ayurveda center. It seems that this guy is really good and he has been a client to this guy for the past 10 years and everytime he recommended to friends, they're always satisfied with the treatments.

And he also told me about this treatment call OP or Oil Pulling. He asked me to read about OP on the internet and this is what I found:

Oil Pulling is a safe, simple, cheap and gentle ‘do it yourself home remedy’ that cures and prevents diseases and extends your healthy life.

It involves rinsing the mouth with 1 tablespoon (10ml) of oil for 15 to 20 minutes and spitting it out. You can use either sunflower oil or sesame oil, both of which are usually used for cooking and readily available in the home.

This simple therapy is completely harmless as you do not take any medicines - even the oil you use is spit out after OP. By helping the body get rid of toxins that have accumulated, Oil Pulling promotes self healing from within.

Oil Pulling has been mentioned in the ancient texts of Ayurveda. A similar process was also published at a conference of the “All Ukrainische Union, “of the oncologists (Specialists for tumor diseases) and bacteriologists, by Dr.med. Karach. Over the years, this simple therapy helped cure diseases of thousands of people around the world.

I have always like Indian customs and i spent quiet often at Little India at Klang. I like all the herbs and spices...and i cant wait to try the Ayurveda treatment and also the OP. To those who read this post, spread around about the OP

PATIENCE

Found this article on my FB homepage and like to share it. I hope its OK for me to post it here as anything regards to religion, the Copyright belongs to Allah and He definitely wants His servant to past it around. Its another interesting story about patience.

Allaah has made patience like a horse that never gets tired, an army that can never be defeated and a strong fortress that can never be breached. Patience and victory are twin brothers, for victory comes with patience, relief comes wit...h distress and ease comes with hardship. Patience is of more help to the one who has it than men, as it helps without any need for equipment or numbers and its relationship to victory is like that of the head to the body.

In the Qur’aan, Allaah has guaranteed those who are patient that He will give them reward without measure.

Allaah tells us that He loves those who are patient, and that is the greatest encouragement. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And Allaah loves As-Saabiroon (the patient)” [Aal ‘Imraan 3:146]

Patience is the foundation of the believer’s faith which has no other foundation. The one who has no patience has no faith, and if he has any, then it is only a little faith and it is very weak, and such a person worships Allaah as it were upon the edge (i.e. in doubt): if good befalls him, he is content therewith; but if a trial befalls him he turns back on his face (i.e. reverts to disbelief after embracing Islam). He loses both this world and the Hereafter (cf. al-Hajj 22:11). All he gets from them is a losing deal.

Allaah states that the victory of attaining Paradise and being saved from Hell will be won only by those who are patient, as He says (interpretation of the meaning): “Verily, I have rewarded them this Day for their patience; they are indeed the ones that are successful”
[al-Mu’minoon 23:111]

The best life is attained by the blessed through patience, and they rise to the highest degrees through their gratitude. So they fly on the wings of patience and gratitude to gardens of delight (i.e., Paradise). That is the bounty of Allaah that He bestows upon whomsoever He will, and Allaah is the Owner of Great Bounty. End quote from ‘Uddat al-Saabireen by Ibn al-Qayyim, p. 3-5.

The Search Of Inner Peace- PATIENCE

Allah says: "...Only those who are patient shall receive their rewards in full, without reckoning." [Surah Az-Zumar: 10]
Surah 23 Al Mumenoon (the believers) Ayah 62. On no soul do We place a burden greater than it can bear: before Us is a record which clearly shows the truth: they will never be wronged. Wala nukallifu nafsan illa wusAAaha waladayna kitabun yantiqu bialhaqqi wahum la yuthlamoona

Woooo...Ssshhhhaaaa!!!!!!

Having maid is more problematic than not having one. I have asked my ex husband to send her back. She is the worst maid out of 5 maids I have. Recently I was on a medical leave for 1 month + and gosh! All she did was sleep or lie down on the floor of the ironing room playing with her SMS. My next door neighbour's remark just last week was "Ellie! what did you feed your maid..she is getting soooooo fat like a hippo?". She spoiled my front loading washing machine, iron, broke my toilet bowl , the sink in the guest bathroom collapsed..what else..? Oh unbelievable my Wok aka KUALI which I had for a long long time since my late mom was still alive. My niece told me last weekend "Auntie G...where did u get all the patience from? How could u just let her go off the hook?"
Well frankly speaking, there were time when I really felt like whacking her bloody head with my walking stick but I told myself "She is just not worth having my heart blacken". After i told her many many times but its like she is annoying me on purpose. Just tell myself, I am in no position to punish anyone. The One up there is always watching..and I mean 24/7 and not a single blink. He doesn't miss out a single second.
At a certain junctures of our lives, we will encounter challenging circumstances or people. We can either our dilemmas with anger, bitterness or frustration. Or we can look deep within and find the source that is beyond circumstances and then pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and move forward knowing all things will work in our favour. If on any given day, negative drama surrounds us, hang on to our own positive attitude and don't let other people to drag us down.

This Journal Is Dedicated to all the Innocent Souls including Baby Tes

The first email I received this morning was from my sis. The moment I saw the pictures in this email, i can feel like a knife ripping my heart and my tears just kept rolling down my cheeks. Even an animal knows how to care it's babies. Sometimes when I see this kind of pictures I always wonder what was running in their sick mind. I have a daughter and a son..everyday I would pray to Allah to protect them and as many other kids from such sick bastards.

Even to those who dumped babies in dumpsters, i mean why wait till the babies are born? Why not abort it at an early stage. I mean not that i agree with abortion but rather than wait for the innocent lives are born and just simply dump the babies like its some kind of rubbish. For God sake!
Here is the picture that comes with the email i received this morning. This was Varsha who went missing on UPSR day and was killed brutally.

Am I having Gamophobia?

What I have is called GAMOPHOBIA? What is "gamophobia?". Mr Wiki definition is The abnormal possibility which is extremely possible of the fear of, wait, oh yeah, the abnormal possibility which is extremely possible of the fear of the fear of the fear of the fear of the fear of the fear of marriage.
This morning one of my cousin buzzed me on FB and we chatted for awhile. Then he told me that he feels like going to an Island with the wife without his kids. I asked if its their 2nd honeymoon and he said hopefully because "the love meter is running on a low fuel".
Then today my "God brother" visited me after office hour and he decided to join me for my "Iftar" (Breaking fast). In the car I asked him about the girl in his FB and he said there's nothing going on between him and that girl. During dinner, suddenly he said "Sis, i am actually afraid of getting married." I asked him why and he said he hasn't found a girl that when he's face to face with her, he feels this kinda electricity.
Well frankly speaking I have the same problem.... I am having "GAMOPHOBIA".And I get kinda pressured when people asked me "So when is the D day?"...My answer is always "Aaarrr...emmm..arrr..."then start scratching my head. I kept pushing month to month until I found the time when this fear of marriage disappears.
I guess because during the period of dating and a few years of marriage, you think you are in real love with your partner. You think you are made for each other, and you are the perfect couple in the world. After a few years have gone by, you may have children by then you become more responsible and sensible. Nevertheless, something is missing...yes the spark of love has disappeared.
The world today indicate that there are more people getting divorced, getting cheated on and breaking ups than they are happy couples that are in love and stay in love. Well I hope I can get over my "Gamophobia" someday..maybe someday..
Well I know one guy who actually knows the meaning of true love and really shows it..and that's my ex boyfriend. He just got married and the way he treats his wife...all i can say is that "She is one hell of a lucky woman". Though he used to be my boyfriend and now we are Xs..I amtruly happy for him and his wife. And I know he is one guy who will love and treat his wife like a princess and light of his life. I remember the time he and I were a couple...well that's history now...

Im So Proud Of My Brother, Norman@Ted

Today my one of my Facebook friend text me and said "Ellie..your brother today is in Star paper!" So I asked her which brother coz I have 5..so she said the Chef. So I click Star Online and there he is...so to my brother Ted (thats what we family call him), Im so proud of you, have been and always be proud of you. I'm sure our late mom will be smiling knowing how much you have changed and succeed in life.

Perfectionist chef

By ZIEMAN

CHEF Norman Zaid wants everything to be perfect in his kitchen. He wants his food to be good as it looks and to have a good effect on his customers.

It's not just what's in it that counts, but what's not. According to this 35-year-old chef, he knows exactly what’s inside anything that he puts in his mouth.

If he has it his way, vegetables touched by pesticides, rice processed with bleaches or anything with MSG will not find their way into his kitchen.

What does have a place in his kitchen at the Kitchen Creatures restaurant, in Centrepoint, Bandar Utama, is distinct Western and Italian cooking which is deeply flavourful.

The restaurant is packed daily during lunch, mostly with regulars who come to taste Norman’s special Spaghetti Aglio-Olio with shrimp and mushroom, a specially-flavoured soup, pastas and pizzas. Most of his customers are stunned by the textures, tastes and freshness of the food.

Norman, who was trained under renowned chef Ricky Palanti, says practice makes perfect and this is what he expects his team of six to do in the kitchen.

"I get very disappointed when I find out my staff have not followed the exact ingredients or substitute it with something else or worst of all, omit it totally. Somehow, I can tell what's missing or has been used in excess," said Norman who plans to open his own restaurant before the end of the year.

As a young boy, Norman enjoyed messing around in the kitchen, helping his late mother, Mariam Ali prepare meals for their big family. Norman has seven siblings and he is the second last.

"My late mum used to cook three to four dishes a day in a jiffy and she can complete her task within one hour. Looking back, I'm still amazed at how fast she could do all the chores in such a short time," said Norman who admits having no chemistry working in an office environment.

After all those years helping his mother, the image of him in the kitchen stuck in his head and he went ahead to pursue his dream to become a chef.

Norman has worked in every part of the kitchen. He remembers fondly how he ended up working in Delifrance during the early days in 1995. From there, he moved on to work in the pastry department at the Hilton KL for the next two years.

Somehow, Norman knew it was going to be a difficult journey to become a trained chef but he never once gave up.

"All along, the desire of wanting to have the whole kitchen to myself was so great. I finally got my chance after working my way up," said Norman who blames his profession for still being single.

Despite being deprived of a love life, Norman said labouring in the kitchen for long hours under the tutelage of master Chef Ricky Palanti was more fulfilling somehow.

This ex-chef of Carcosa Seri Negara and Shangri-La followed Palanti almost everywhere for the next 10 years until Palanti opened his own restaurant, the Mango Tree.

In fact, Norman owes it to Palanti for all his training and shaping him to be what he is today.

"They say if you can survive working with the regimented and difficult Palanti, you can survive anywhere. I agree full-heartedly. It is not easy working with Palanti. He trained me the hard way and after many years under him, the reward now shows," said Norman who has mastered the Western and Italian cuisine.

According to Norman, he has always aspired to be a chef. Nothing that his parents or friends said changed his mind.

"Wanting to be a chef was my ultimate goal in life. I did not go for any formal education but my passion guided me to make the best choice in this career," said the local-born who still appreciates the good, old-fashioned cooking of his father.

"You may not have the formal training but with great passion, you can achieve your dream. It was a long process to reach where I am now but I never regretted it," said Norman who has 13 years of experience.

Norman admits that the competition to be the best in this line is rather stiff.

"Every chef has his or her own speciality. It's fine with me. The cake is big enough for everyone to share it," said Norman.

Here's Norman's Spaghetti Aglio-Olio with Shrimp and Mushroom.

Redha is a Virtue

Today is my first day without my car. I have decided to let go of my car which has been serving me for the past 5 years without giving me a single problem. Papa was really sad when I told him about me having to let go the car. He told me with tears in his eyes, "Allah has tested you so much Girl, with your cancer and things that happen in your life". I smiled at papa and told him " That's because Allah is so Merciful. He doesn't want me to go home to Him with still full of sins papa, and I have accepted all His test with an open heart.
Allah has revealed in His Quran, that He will test the Muslims in various ways until the end of their lives. But there is one important secret the believers need to know : If someone encounters difficulty or something hard for them to deal with, that means Allah has also given them strength to overcome the matters and succeed the test.
I also told papa " If we dedicate and submit our lives to Allah, we must have trust in Allah and calm in facing the difficulty. I have never regretted my life and the thing I go through in life. Not a single bit of my life. Despite being a sexual abused child when I was 7-12, now my bone cancer and today having to finally let go my car, I still feel so bless because the PEACE which Allah has put in my heart, not a single soul can take it away and no amount of money can buy it.
My eldest brother who has been so supportive and has always been there for me gave me these 2 ayat yesterday. Its from Surah Al- Hadiid (IRON) ayat 22-23 which means:
22. No calamity befalls on the earth or in yourself but is inscribed in the Book of Decrees(Lahuz Mafuz) before We bring it into existence. Verily, that is easy for Allah. ( Tidak ada sesuatu kesusahan atau bala bencana yang ditimpakan di bumi dan tidak juga yang menimpa diri kamu, melainkan telah sedia ada dalam Kitab (Lahuz Mafuz)sebelum Kami menjadikannya, sesungguhnya mengadakan yang demikian adalah mudah bagi Allah.

23. In order for you not to be sad over matters that you fail to get, nor rejoice because of that of which has been given to you. And Allah likes not prideful boasters. ( Kamu diberitahu tentang itu - supaya kamu tidak bersedih hati akan apa yang telah luput daripada kamu, dan tidak pula bergembira (secara sombong dan bangga) dengan apa yang diberikan kepada kamu. Dan ingatlah, Allah tidak suka kepada tiap-tiap orang yang sombong takbur, lagi membanggakan diri)

This is a very beautiful Surah (in fact all the surah in the Quran are so beautiful and touchy..it will make one shed tears when read the translation) which is call Surah Al Hadiid (IRON). This particular surah is teaching the Muslims to be strong in their IMAN and to submit fully to Allah:

Why We Must Learn To Forgive

Everyone of us is hurt from time to time. Sometimes we are hurt intentionally by others and sometimes unintentionally. Some hurts are little and within a short time we forget about them. What I want to talk about are the times when we are hurt and time doesn’t seem to bring healing. Every time we think of the person who hurt us, the pain and anger wells up inside again. Most people do not know what to do and continue to live with the pain, which often gets worse with time. I believe that there are two things Allah wants us to do when we are hurt. If we do these two things, God will bring healing into our life.
The first thing to do when we are hurt is the simplest, but often overlooked. Simply pray and ask for God to help us. There is great power in prayer.

The second thing to do when we are hurt is more difficult, it does not come naturally. When we are hurt, God wants to teach us to forgive the person who hurt us. Many people have trouble with forgiveness, they think that forgiveness is letting the other person off the hook. Forgiveness is really about letting you off the hook, the hook of unforgiveness.
What is forgiveness? Forgiveness is simply yielding our right to get even with the person who hurt us. It is not saying that what they did was right, it is not saying that Allah will let them off the hook. It is giving up on revenge and praying for them. How can we forgive when the hurt is great? We can forgive as you remember that Allah has forgiven us We can forgive when we acknowledge that Allah is in control. Nothing that anyone will ever do to us can thwart God’s plan for our life. Allah is able to take even the worst of the hurts and turn it around for good for those who love God.
We’ve all been hurt in our lives by other people,may have been by our parents, by friends, by relatives, by employers or by our spouse. Often-times the deepest hurts are by those we are closest too. The ones we really want to love us the most sometimes hurt us the worst.
We’re all going to get hurt by people, we don’t have a choice in that. Our choice is how to respond to those who hurt us. Forgiveness opens the door to living in freedom. Our forgiveness of others releases God’s forgiveness toward us.
Forgive, even when it’s hard. Why must we forgive when it’s difficult, because Allah forgave us all the time when asked for forgiveness.

Al Fatihah to Tuan Alwee

Al Fatihah
Alwee Ab Ghani
9 July 1957 - 6 June 2010

Innalillahiwainnailaihi raji'un... 3hours ago, my closest client who was not only a client but a very close friend and also like a brother to me, Supt. Alwee AB Ghani from Bukit Aman passed away after 2 and half months of being critically ill. Just last week when he asked Tuan Syed of IPK Selangor to take him for Chicken Rice at Shah Alam. Despite being sick, he asked Tuan Syed of my condition and Tuan Syed had informed him about my operation and my stubbornness. Right after my operation, Tuan Syed told him I had crab and prawn on the same day of the operation and just after my discharged from the hospital, i drove my car to Sunway. Tuan Alwee despite his condition at that time, was pretty much angry and told Tuan Syed to come with me to his house.

Above pictures were taken 21 days before Arwah passed away

5 years Ive known Tuan Alwee, he was a strict man when it comes to work and duty. Towards the last 6 months of his life, he gave me more advice and always talked about his family and had spent more time with his family. He promised me that he would attend my wedding but I guess we can only plan but everything is up to the Almighty.





So this journal is specially dedicated to my client/friend/big brother SUPT ALWEE AB GHANI who was and will always be dear to me. Will miss you Tuan. Al- Fatihah.

Tuan Alwee has always been proud of his parents. Always advised me to always take good care of my dad.

Celebrating his 26th Wedding Anniversary .

Quote from Tuan Alwee that came with this picture : [Seronoks tengok gamba2 vacation wit fam + ank2buah di Bandung 9-12 Jan 2010. kepada semua amek ar kesempatan masa yg ade nih vacation wit fam + adk bradek + ank2buah. U wont regret !!!!].

Alwee A. Ghani
Thanx isteri ku, along, alang, wanie + Qilah and Nuar, nana & ayien for a wonderful time together2. Tis is jez a beginning. meh arrr mklong + fam, mklang + fam, pkder + fam, pkteh + fam & Ucu + fam..next trip ehhh. really looking 4wrd !!!!
January 15 at 12:36am
Alwee A. Ghani
masa nih dia org smo x nyempat2 nk turun nk pijak bumi Bdg. Ktorg relax jerr...well U know me cool as cucumber kan kan kan
January 15 at 2:27pm ·
Despite his busy schedule, he never neglected his family

Quote and comment came with this picture:
Alwee A. Ghani
jez love de views...
December 2, 2009 at 11:34am
Elina Ariffin:
yeap..remember sadiq and me snap pic membelakang this view...heheheeh
December 2, 2009 at 12:37pm
Alwee A. Ghani:
huhuhu amek gmba x pe jgn terjun udah lerr..level 29 tuh ateh bukit lg..x sempat nk mngucaps ooooo..kan Mya
December 2, 2009 at 10:17pm ·

Quote from Tuan Alwee that came with this picture: [Kesihatan yg baik makes all things possible, kekayaan / kemewahan makes all things work & LOVE makes all things BEAUTIFUL. Smoga U all have them all.. Good luck & al de best in 2010..

Was taken 2 and half months back after biopsy

Discharged after 10days of being hospitalised at PPUM. Quote that came with this picture from Tuan Alwee :[bosa hati dan terharu semua adk bradeks dr JB & Cheras, Ampg + Klang dtg lawat aku yg sakeet nih. Ko org sbonanyer ubat paling mujarabs. TQ so much semoga kita dpt jumpa lagiiiii..insyallah]

Was taken on 15th May 2010 (21 days before passed away)

Was taken on 16th May 2010 (20 days before passed away)

The Message Allah has Sent To Me

The past one week, I dunno why the name of this particular Surah in the Quran kept playing in my mind. Everyday and every minute. Then from every hour, it went to every minute and then every seconds. So i decided to take my translation Quran and go thru the meaning of each ayat in that surah. I realised then why it suddenly came to my mind. Allah was sending a message to me. My whole body trembled when I read the meaning. Masha Allah..its beautiful. Jazakh-Allah Khair. I hope whoever reads this entry will watch both of these videos till the end. Before I post this video, I kept watching them again and again. And each time I watched them, I cried and have this tingling running through my spine. No wonder Allah kept playing the name of this Surah in my mind until I opened the translation and looked into it. Subhanallah..

Have Faith In Allah And Everything will be Fine

I just have the urge to write this topic because I have failed as a good muslimah and also help people that i care most to see how Allah works in our lives and what he has commanded us to do. Hopefully and maybe they might bump into my journal and in directly I can send the message across. I am still struggling to better myself to be a better muslimah which I still need to work really hard on it because I am NO angel myself, in fact I am a devil myself trying to change to be a good Muslimah but it's really tough and as long as I believe Allah is merciful and Most Forgiving, I know He will help me. I can only pray for Allah to shine some lights in our hearts just I see some acquaintances that are married flirt with different men at one time and some have sex with different men when they have husbands and as their acquaintance I wish I can tell them ITS WRONG but somehow I just couldn't open my mouth because like I said I am no Angel myself though I don't sleep around but in my life I have committed other sins. And i also see how some friends got into anxiety because they have unnecessary worries on their mind. They worried about money, worried about going to be poor someday and other things related to "dunia" but never about the preparation for the Hereafter. The iman became low when they are tested and when they can't get enough with what Allah has bestowed upon them.

Our heart pounds before a presentation or a big exam. We get butterflies before a blind date. We worry and fret over family problems and constantly worry about money and future which is still a mystery.And the worries and fears are preventing us from living our life the way we'd like to, we may be suffering from an anxiety disorder. It’s normal to worry and feel tense or scared when under pressure or facing a stressful situation. Anxiety is the body’s natural response to danger, an automatic alarm that goes off when we feel threatened.

But then, most of us get so distressed with the things related to "dunia"(worldly stuffs). But why? Why the worldly stuff so important to most people? Is this something between Hell and Heaven? People forgot to ask themselves these things.."
1. if i chase the worldly stuffs, would that gain me rewards or would i gain Allah's love and pleasure? Why didn't I have full trust and conviction in Allah? Ive done my best and the rest is up to Allah. Why do I get so distresses about something of this dunia?
2. Did I ever act this way regarding my prayer?
3. Did I act this way to the fact that I didn't wear a proper Hijab?
4. Did I act this way because I didn't honor my parents enough?
5. Did I ever get this distressed because I don't have enough knowledge about Islam?
I was reading this book called Ideal Muslimah and the very first statement of the book was :
“ The Believing Woman is Alert
One of the most prominent distinguishing features of the Muslim woman is her deep faith in Allah (SWT), and her sincere conviction that whatever happens in this universe, and whatever fate befalls human beings, only happens through the will and decree of Allah (SWT); whatever befalls a person could not have been avoided, and whatever does not happen to a person could not have been made to happen. A person has no choice in this life but to strive towards the right path and to do good deeds - acts of worship and other acts - by whatever means one can, putting all his trust in Allah (SWT), submitting to His will, and believing that he is always in need of Allah's (SWT) help and support.”
Why would our iman get so low and often people get so distressed and impatient for the things in this dunia. Why don't us all have the patience as Allah has commanded us to have? Remember if we do something for the pleasure of Allah, Allah will take care of us. That's for sure. People always got themselves into trouble and difficult situations because of dunia. We should strive our best in worshiping Allah according to Quran and the authentic Sunnah. It's really sad that some of my friends told me that, I believe in Quran only and NOT the hadith. God have mercy on them. The thing is...believing in Quran and NOT practicing it, I guess it defeats the purpose too.
Day by day, i try to better myself and hope one day if Allah permits, I will get married and when that happen, I hope my husband then will be my IMAM in all my 5 times prayer. I really wish for that moment. “ Islam should not revolve around your life, your life should revolve around Islam. “

A Dua For You & Me

You never know when Allah(SWT) is going to bless you. Good things happen when u least expect them to.

Oh Allah, I thank You for this day. I thank You for my being able to see and to hear this morning. I'm blessed because You are forgiving, Allah and understanding, Allah. You have done so much for me and You keep on blessing me. Forgive me this day for everything I have done, said or thought that was not pleasing to You. I ask now for Your
forgiveness. Please keep me safe from all danger and harm. Help me to start this day with a new attitude and plenty of gratitude. Let me make the best of each and every day to clear my mind so that I can hear from You. Please broaden my mind that I can accept all things. Let me not whine and whimper over things I have no control over. And It's the best response when I'm pushed beyond my limits. Continue to use me to do what You will, Oh Allah Continue to bless me that I may be a blessing to others. Keep me strong that I may help the weak... Keep me uplifted that I may have words of encouragement for others. I make duah for those that are lost and can't find their way. I make duah for those that are misjudged and misunderstood. I make duah for those who don't know You . I make duah for those who read this journal of mine. I make duah for those that don't believe. But I thank You that I believe. I believe that Allah (Swt) changes people and Allah (Swt) changes things. I make duah for all my sisters and brothers. For each and every family member in their households. I make duah for peace, love and joy in their homes that they are out of debt and all their needs are met.. make duah that every eye that reads this knows there is no problem, circumstance, or situation greater than our Rabb. Every battle is in Your hands for You to fight. I make duah that these words be received into the hearts of every eye that sees it, Inshallah (Ameen)

Somewhere I have never traveled
Gladly beyond any experience
Your eyes have their silence
And your most frail gesture of things
Which enclose me
But which I cannot touch
Because they are too near.�

The first time I loved forever
Was when you whispered my name
And I knew at once you loved me
For the me of who I am

The first time I loved forever
I cast all else aside
And I bid my heart to follow
Be there no more need to hide

And if wishes and dreams
Are merely for children
And if love's a tale for fools
I'll live the dream with you

Poem:
�oh, if your words be to close me
I, my life will shut, very beautifully
Suddenly, as when the heart of this flower
Imagines the snow carefully, everywhere
descending�.

For all my life and forever
There's a truth I will always know
When my world divides and shatters
Your love is where I'll go

Poem:
�I do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens. Only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses.
Nobody, not even the rain has such small hands.�

Time for Ellie

Maybe it's my hormonal imbalance again that I am feeling like this. I just want to say that I am no longer strong like before.I used to live a hectic life. I was so workaholic and if I am not at work, I was attending to people and their problems. Now I have lost all those strength. Maybe this is God's way of wanting me to slow down in life and pull my horses. Maybe it's his way of telling me to pass the world's problem to Him for I am only His small little weak servant.
Sometimes it get so hard to be strong all the time, sometime I just want to stop worrying about being the stronger person, and just let my weak side show a bit. But most of the time, I just show that i am strong, no matter how I am feeling on the inside. It just gets tiring sometimes. Always having to be strong can be really hard, and really frustrating sometimes. Sometimes I just can't handle it, and want an escape from it all!
Don't get me wrong, I AM a strong person, I know this. And I DON'T mind being the strong one, no I LOVE being the strong one for ppl. But sometimes I feel like "I" need that moment of weakness. To cry on someones shoulder and ask for help. But its a hard thing to ask for when I have NEVER been able to do that before. I want to be strong for everyone else, but I also want to have those moments................
Being strong is something I've always been forced to be, whether I wanted to or not. My teenage life was difficult, and I felt like a lot of times I had to "suck things up," act like the eldest, or deal with everyone else's problems. I had no choice but to be strong. Sometimes though, I wish I had the chance to just crumble down like everyone else does, but I feel this urge that I just can't let that happen, that I have to stay strong and protect everyone, and then I tend to forget about myself. Strength is a great thing but after awhile it's so sickening. I can't always be everyone's rock when I can barely be my own.