We always hear stuff like, "It's been 6 months and he hasn't said 'I love you' yet." As if that's supposed to really mean something. But the fact that you've been together for 6 months doesn't mean anything other than you've been at it for 6 months. It doesn't mean that you're any closer to love than you were 6 months ago.
Because, as with anything else in life, the passage of time doesn't mean that you've actually accomplished anything. You don't get an "A" in school or a promotion at work just for showing up every day for 6 months. You have to actually DO something. And it has to be something GOOD.
It's a lot like saying "practice makes perfect." They figure that if you've been doing it a lot, then you should have perfected it. But think back to when you were practicing your penmanship in the second grade. Now look at your handwriting today. Have you actually perfected your penmanship? Some of us still have fairly good penmanship -- and some of us don't.
Because practice does NOT make perfect. You have to actually practice the RIGHT things in the RIGHT way to get it RIGHT. You have to follow the right steps and you have to put your whole effort into it. That takes focus and dedication. But if you keep at it, then "muscle memory" takes over. Your body does it without having to think about it. Like breathing.
The problem is that "muscle memory" also applies to practicing the wrong thing the wrong way over and over again too. Your body doesn't know the difference. That's why a lot of people still have bad handwriting. It becomes a bad habit they can't break because they always had bad form and they kept practicing that bad form over and over again.
In other words, practice doesn't make perfect, it just makes it permanent.
So let's get real about 6-month pseudo-anniversaries. At 6 months, you don't actually LOVE each other. Sure, you think you do. But you don't really. That's why it's so damn hard for you to say, "I love you." And that's why you need your partner to say it so badly. Because you want your own feelings to be validated so you can call it "love" too.
People get so caught up in superficial romantic gestures that they forget the real work that has to be done in developing a real relationship. That's why they go overboard in celebrating 1-month, 2-month, and 6-month pseudo-anniversaries. At the same time, when their partner says, "I'm feeling very stressed (or unhappy, frustrated, depressed, etc.)," their first reaction is "What about me?" instead of "Is there anything I can do for you?" They can't even practice good customer service with the one customer they supposedly love.
So, if anything, you're "in" love with each other. Unfortunately, people always mistake being "in" love for real love. "In" love involves chemistry. You either have it or you don't. And if you don't have it, then no amount of time is going to change the fact that you don't have it. That's where "he's not that into you" comes in.
But even if you have chemistry, that's still not enough to make a relationship. Because real love requires time to develop. And a lot of work. You have to be secure enough as an individual to be able to set your "me"-centeredness aside and become more "us"-oriented. You have to value making peace more than you value your pride or your principles. "Doing the right thing" has to be more important to you than "being right."
You also hear people say stuff like, "I love you, but I'm not IN love with you." That's just BS. What they really mean is "I was IN love with you more than I actually LOVED you." The truth is that once the chemistry faded, there was nothing left to sustain the relationship. "In" love never blossomed into real "love."
In other words, there's no "love at first sight." That's "in" love. And there is no love at 6 months either. That's still "in" love. Real love needs to develop. And you have to actually DO something -- and it needs to be something GOOD.
So if you're making a big fuss about celebrating your 6-month pseudo-anniversary, then you're much too aware of what time it is to be actually doing anything of any real significance. It's like going to work. Some employees spend their time watching the clock all day to see when it's break time, lunch time, or quitting time. But a few dedicated workers spend their day actually doing their jobs. Because if you're focused on what you're supposed to be doing, then time should pass without being noticed.
In other words, if you're washing dishes, then you have to wash the dishes to WASH the dishes -- NOT to get it over with so you can go do something else. You need to be fully engaged in the task of washing the dishes. Like I said before, you have to actually practice doing the RIGHT things in the RIGHT way if you want to get it RIGHT.
And if you take care in doing what you're doing today, then tomorrow will take care of itself.
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