Andai Ku Tahu

This Song tells exactly how i feel. Im only human that makes mistake.

andai kutahu
kapan tiba ajalku
ku akan memohon
Tuhan tolong panjangkan umuruku

andai kutahu
kapan tiba masaku
ku akan memohon
TUhan jangan Kau ambil nyawaku

reff:
aku takut
akan semua dosa dosaku
aku takut
dosa yang terus membayangiku

andai kutahu
malaikatMukan menjemputku
izinkan aku
mengucapkan kata tobat padaMu

ampuni aku
dari segala dosa dosaku
ampuni aku
menangisku bertobat padamu

aku manusia
yang takut neraka
namun aku juga
tak pantas di surga

Ellie nak ucapkan terima kasih deh...kerana menerima ellie seadanya dan datang dalam hidup ellie semasa ellie memerlukan a shoulder to cry on. Thank you kerana berada di sisi ellie walaupun secara fizikal kita berjauhan.

Ketika waktu mendatangkan cinta
Aku putuskan memilih dirimu
Setitik rasa itu menitis
Dan semakin parah

Bisa ku rasa getar jantungmu
Mencintaiku apa lagi aku
Jadikanlah diriku
Pilihan terakhir hatimu

Butterfly terbanglah tinggi
Setinggi anganku untuk meraihmu
Memeluk batinmu yang sama kacau
Kerna merindu

Butterfly fly away so high
As high as hopes I pray
To come and reach for you
Rescuing your soul
The precious (lyrics missing) me and you

Jalan ini jauh
Namun kita tempuh
Bagai bumi ini
Hanya milik berdua

Biar ku berlebihan
Mendekatimu
Namun ku tunggu

Quotes from my friend, Amrin

1. Ingatlah tidak ada arang batu yang menjadi intan tanpa melalui tekanan demi tekanan. Hidup yang melalui kesukaran dan dugaan adalah untuk menjadikan kita lebih kuat dan lebih memahami orang lain. Cuma hati yang pernah dilapah yang boleh merasa besarnya erti kasih dan sayang sesama manusia.
2. Tapi hidup selalu mengajar kita kan. Tak semua pernah hadapi apa yg kita hadapi. Cukup sekadar menghantar mutiara kata yang penuh bermakna untuk renungan semua.

3. And one more last quote for you.. I like this so much. Actually I selalu baca bila I stress in life and feel so up set.Hidup ini bukanlah seperti habuk yang berterbangan oleh angin. Hidup kita bukan tiada maknanya. Setiap kita mempunyai misi yang besar di dunia ini. Setiap kita! Bukan cuma segolongan manusia, atau sekumpulan orang. Selagi kita bernafas, selagi kita tidak ditalkinkan atau dikuburkan hidup kita mempunyai misi.This is specially for you. Semoga Allah kurniakan keberkatan dalam hidup you dunia akhirat. Amin

Forgive and Forget

Dear Sherry, Zue, Corrine and all my closest friends, this might not explain why I am the way I am, but if you guys read this journal, u guys will understand why i do things in certain ways.

All my life, I have been doing things the way others want me to do. I let every single soul around me to dictate my life. Because I am always afraid to make mistakes in my life. Afraid of the word "I TOLD U SO". I need all the support from my friends, hehehe though I dont have many. But you guys are the greatest andI love you guys so much

To forgive someone for their mistake is an art of living because the act of pardoning the individual can be healing and magical.

The deed eases our heart, frees our mind and moves us to a higher conscious level.

It is normal for everyone to get hurt by friends, colleagues, relatives or family members at some point of time owing to their actions, gestures and words as we are all human.

But what is more important is to forgive the person and forget the incident so that both the effected individual and a person responsible can enjoy peace of mind and have a happy relationship,

Clemency is probably the most difficult act to practice because even if we try to exercise forgiveness, we are often overwhelmed by our ego, fame, image and status.

Many people do not realize that our self-esteem means nothing to live life with hurt and pain in our hearts for not forgiving.

A person who is unable to forgive to forgive anyone for anything the individual had done to him/her in the past means "The affected person is living in a prison."

What happen if the person agrees to forgive but not forget the incident? The effects are the same because its vital than when you forgive a someone it should be done unconditionally so that you enjoy total freedom because you have released all your hurt.

To Hasmah And Zacky

Just when Allah took away the one that i love, Allah replaced with extra good friends in my life. I met this person, Hasmah on Tagged, and even though we just known each other for about a week, she has helped me alot.

So much that I feel good about myself now. Im not gonna be a door mat anymore...especially to man.Those who doesnt appreciate me.....hmmm...they can GO FLY KITE or what my dad used to say GFS (Go FU#* SPIDER)

I also met Zacky,a cool cool guy. He is from Indonesia but studying here in Johor. Funny thing, he has long hair and a student at one of the University in Johor. Remind me of someone I know. Funny that his name is Zacky.

Everyday, he would keep me company on YM unless if im busy and he is busy too. It takes away my sadness and the pain someone has caused me recently. Allah knows how much my recent break up hurt me.

I still remember his face the very last time i saw him. That look will stay in my mind forever.The look that tells me..."Get lost kinda look. I dont just want you to leave me alone for time being but get the hell out of my life."

Allah is so kind that He sent my new friends like Hasmah and Zacky. Just when i needed friend, they came into my life and give me that booster that i need and they came just at the right time.

To Hasmah and Zacky...hey! I love you guys..and thanks a million...

Getting Rid Of Matthew

When Matthew, Helen's lover of the past four years, finally decides to leave his wife Sophie(and their 2 daughters) and move into Helen's place, she should be over the moon. The only trouble is, she doesnt want him anymore. Now she has to figure out how to get rid of him.....

Plan A

* Stop shaving your armpits.And your bikini line

* Buy incontinence pads and leave them lying around

* Stop having sex with him

Plan B

* Accidentally on purpose bump into his wife Sophie

* Give yourself a fake name and identity

* Befriend Sophie and actually begin to really like her

* Snog Matthew's son (who's teh same age as you by the way, You're not a paedophile)

* Befriend Matthew's children. Unsuccessfully

* Watch your whole plan go absolutely horribly wrong

Getting Rid of Matthew isnt as easy as it seems, but along the way, Helen forge an unlikely friendship, find real love and realize that nothing ever goes exactly to plan

****Familiar stories and experience. RED highlight exact experience in life...kekekekekeek

Aku Bukan MilikMu

As i was browsing one of the videos on my friend's page, I saw this one particular video. It tells exactly about my recent relationship. Every word is exactly what i lwould want to tell him.

The video "Aku Bukan Mu" is especially dedicated to you,my dear.I remember 1 SMS u sent me. "Im not a soothsayer, I can't predict the future,but I've the desire to make you happier,to make your life better, to ease your pain every single dayfor your cure...N wish I can do that forever...wherever you are...whenever you desire.I jez want you to be happy..M your clown..m your sun...M ur moon..Anything or anyone u want me to be..M happy to see you happy."

Well, i still miss him alot but what can i do. Cant force a person to stay neither can i force him to be what he cant be or do. Call me a bloody fool...but i will always remember him and probably it will take a while before i stop missing him.

That someone special in your life

There will be times when someone special will walk into your life and a bonding of the spirits will take place. This means that both people are compatible, and that their inner spirits are harmonious with each other. Because of this, a kinship is started first, followed by deep inner emotional feelings for each other, all because the spirits are harmonious. At this point we say that we have an attraction for each other, or that the chemistry is right

Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you've never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes, dreams, goals and everything that will come to you in the future.

When something wonderful happens, you can't wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you, when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful.

There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are.

Allah Save me Again

All my life Ive been giving in to others so that they can be happy. I will do anything for the love ones without asking anything in return.Unfortunately , non ever appreciated the the love Ive given them.

Its so funny how people behave. When they first knew you, the want u, they will do anything for you and they'll be at their best performance just to win your heart. They are as gentle as a feather can be.They can be the most charming person u ever known in your life. But when they dont need you anymore, everything you do will back fired. Everything you do even to make things right will be a BIG SCREWED UP to the other party.

They will keep making up problems and make u feel guilty as charged. Nothing you do to patch things back seems to be right even though it is right. Especially when the other party has someone else in his or her life.Thats when he or she start to find fault in the other part.

Just recently, Allah took away someone from me probably because he is not worth having as your life partner and all my friends said I deserved better. In return Allah bless me with my dreams. The thing that I have wish to do for a very long time and finally its coming true. Next week I will be starting my flying lessons. Im so all excited that I forgot about the pain some people have caused me.

I have finally managed to go on with my life. With my flying lessons..that should make me pretty occupied to think about how men treated me. Self pity is so so so pathetic. Though I never have luck with love, I know one thing for sure..that Allah loves me n listens to my prayers.

He even saved me from the man that doesnt deserved to have me in his life. Though i love him so much, but if my life is gonna be miserable, why would i want to be with him

Thank you Allah...i wish i can run to YOu and give You a big hug., I

Where Can I fine The Right Man to Un-Gay me?

Here is something so beautiful, it best describes the prince,I am searching for.... Don't fall in love with love... Fall in love with someone who is willing to: love you, wait for you, understand you even when something doesn't make sense or it seems crazy, help you, guide you, support you, be your hope, be your everything. Fall in love with someone who won't betray you, who will be loyal, will dream of you, who will only think of you, of your face, in how delicate you are, in your spirit, and not just in your body. Fall in love with someone who will wait for you 'til the end, someone who will be what you have not chosen ,something you never expected. Fall in love with someone who will suffer with you, who will laugh with you, someone who will dry your tears, who will make you feel protected, someone who will find happiness in your happiness, and will give you strength when you have failed. Fall in love with someone who will come back to you after a fight and will still be there for you, someone who will be a good partner and a best friend, who will respect your fantasies, your hopes and your dreams. Fall in love with someone who will love you, don't fall in love with love, fall in love with someone who is in love with you. Don't let someone be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option!

Special Dedication To My Late Mom

Ku merasakan kasihmu. Dan segalanya, menyentuh hatiku. Kini, masa menentukan keikhlasan cintamu. Yang tiada pengakhiran rindu. Dikau rela berkorban. Melalui gelora berliku. Pengorbananmu, tiada gantinya. Kasih sayangmu kini masaih bergema. Kau la segalanya. Cahaya harapan untuk bersama. Ketulusan hatimu, bagai sinar pengorbananmu. Sayang, begitulah takdirnya. Ku nanti panggilan suaramu. Oh dengar deruan yang bersyahdu. Walau tanpa dirimu di mahligai sepi. Hanya impian indah, melihatku mengertimu. Daku menghargai dirimu, bagai sinar pengorbananmu.

Oct 25, 2007, 9:08 am

Ku mengerti perpisahan ini
Bukan kerana kau membenci
Tapi kasih yang pernah kuberi
Tiada lagi bersama

Seringkala aku terlihatkan mu
Impian nan indah
Bersulam bahagia

Ku harungi hari demi hari
Bersama wajah tak mungkin akan kembali
Tapi hati masih tak terima
Ditinggalkan sengsara

(Korus)
Keraguan ini bukanlah padamu
Perasaan hati masih rindu
Kekalutan ini hanyalah untukku
Tercari-cari bayanganmu
Tak sanggup aku kehilangan
Kehilanganmu

Kasih tercari-cari

Keraguan ini bukanlah padamu
Masih tercari-cari bayanganmu
Tak sanggup aku kehilanganmu

Syptom of The weak faith

1. Falling into sin and commiting bad deed.

There are some sinners who commit a sin and persist in it and some who commit many kind of sins. When a person commits many sins, sin becomes a habit which he gets used to, and then he no longer feel that it is ignominious and shameful. He gradually reaches a stage where he commits the sin openly, and thus becomes one of those reffered to in the hadith:

"All of my people - nation-will be fine except for those who commit sin openly, an example of which is a man who does something wrong at night and when morning comes and Allah has concealed his sin, he says ""O" so-and-so, I did such and such yesterday. His Lord had covered his sin all night, but he has uncovered what Allah had concealed. ( Hadith Bukhari)

2.Feeling that one's heart is hard and rough

A man may feel that his heart has turned to a stone , which nothing can penetrate or reach.

Allah says: Then, after that, your hearts have hardened and became as stone or even harder.... (Quran 2:74)

The person whose heart is hard will not be moved by reminders of death or by seeing deceased persons or funerals. He may even carry a dead person to his grave and throw earth into the grave, but when he walks between the graves it is as if he is merely walking between rocks

Specially dedicated to my best friend syerry

This is my best friend Syerry. Lately im feeling kinda sad after she tender her resignation. Its not because i have to take over her client but i guess I'm gonna miss her a lot. In fact everyone is gonna miss her.

I'm gonna miss her jokes and "squeaking voice". Oh yeah..especially when we have to travel outstation. Really gonna miss those moment.

The moment with Syerry that i will never,never forget for the rest of my life is during New Year's Eve.(She will know what I'm talking about). I know she and Mark really felt sorry about that night.

Among all my girlfriends i love her the most. Even though we will still see keep in touch and have lunch together, this office will never be the same without her...thanks to my EVP.

Must Be one of my mood swing again

It must be one of my mood swing again. Its either that or stress at work. Cant tell anymore. Lately i have been a real pain in the ass especially to my sweetheart Mike. My bestfriend Syerry resigned and my EVP is not exactly an easy person to work with.And my job demands a lot of my time. Not to mention being a single mom with 2 kids..i have to be a superwoman most of the time.

Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some 5 balls in the air. You name them- WORK, FAMILY,HEALTH,FRIEND S,AND SPIRIT. And you are keeping all these in the air. You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back.

But the other 4 balls- FAMILY,FRIENDS,HEALT H & SPIRIT are made of glass. If u drop these, they will be irrevocably scuffed or damaged or even shattered. And they will never be the same.

But at this current moment, i cant even afford to let go the first ball- WORK..not when I'm being a single mom alone trying to bring up my two angels, Ridhwan and Sarah. They mean a world to me. I know this is a test from the Almighty which i have to go in life.

As for my sweetheart, Mike I hope you will bare with me and my stupid mood at this moment. I never meant to be such a pain in the ass.I know my mood swing is really crazy at times. Trust me, I love you with all my heart.

Allah is the One who understands the fear i feel inside and to Him alone i seek guidance and help. I love you oh Allah and thank you for always being there for me.Help me make it thru this life and protect me always form being astray.