Yesterday, were feeling sad when I 'AGAIN' had to INDIRECTLY helped someone pull another scam. Its been years of keeping his secret, that it really eats me inside. I pray to Allah to forgive me for not able to voice out to anyone about the scam.
I couldn't focus on my work that I text Q,asking for his opinion. Didnt want to disturb Nini as at that moment, she was meeting this one guy whom she has been looking forward to meet. But could tell him the details. And 10 mins later he replied me saying " Cant give my opinion on the alleged scam.Still too much I dont know, and your position in that matter. Hope u're just a bystander. 'HAD' meaning he forced you to? And you know for sure it was against the rule? Like I said, too much q to ask...." I truly understand when its hard for Q to give me an opinion when he doesnt know the whole situation. And it wouldnt be fair to him either.
So i decided to just pack my things, and told Allah to forgive me for having to be involved indirectly.And just as I said, "wish there would be earthquake and the roof would just collapse..." suddenly I saw the plants at my desk started to dance and then i started to feel the earthquake tremor. Woops! guess i said it at the wrong time. In my heart i said " Ok I take that back".
Rush back home, hoping to to be there in time to accompany my dad for his 'buka puasa'. But just as I reached home, Ridhwan started to tell me his chest hurt and he is having difficulty in breathing. And at that moment, perhaps partly due to what happen earlier about the scam, I just lost my patience towards Ridhwan. On top of the thing that had just happened, since weekend, I haven't had a proper sleep and have been rushing to the hospital almost every 2-3 days. And having to have sleepless nights taking care of Spidey. Helping him to cope with his asthma. At times, i just dont know what else to do.
So i asked him to sit infront of me and gave him a 20mins piece of mind. I want him to fight. I want him to be a fighter like me. With my condition, I know I am not gonna be long. Unless Allah wants it otherwise. I want him to learn TO NEVER JUSTIFY in life. I want him to see the possibles in every impossibles. He started crying taking my hand and kiss them and kept on apologising. As much as my heart was melting at that moment, I didnt want to show it to him. And he begged me never to send him to stay with his father.
A few minutes later, his father called. He asked me to accompany him to see Spidey's original doctor at KJMC. He just didnt trust the doctor at University Hospital. And he needed me to be around because only I know the dosage of medicine Spidey has to take. While waiting to see the doctor, Spidey and his father went to the surau to do Maghrib prayer when jsut before salam, Spidey was having difficulty in breathing.Met the doctor and another nebulizer but thank God he was ok after that.
On the way back, I text Q, asking him what the note he sent to my T all about? He wouldnt tell but asked me to read the note when I get the opportunity to get online. ALready its bad enough, I havent got my new lappy. When i reached home i locked myself in my room for a moment because I couldnt help but to shed my tears. I couldnt wait until tomorrow to read the message at the office, so got into my car, drove to nini's place and told her i just need to read one message on T.
My heart was going at the rate of 110km per sec, afraid to read the message but still put up the courage to finally read the message. After reading the message, i told myself, "I am just gonna call this guy for the first time...and he better pick up the phone" because i know if i were to reply the message it can be misunderstood again.
I close my eyes, feeling nervous, with Bismillah, I dialled his number. Hearing the ringing tone almost had me hang up the phone but just before i could do that, I heard this nice gentleman's voice on the other end. I paused awhile to clear my throat before i started talking like a choo choo train. And i can hear him laughing in amusement probably the way I talked.
We talked for an hour until his battery couldnt take it anymore and the line got disconnected. And later at 1am, we text each other til 2.45am. God! I love this guy..oopps!I j love his simplicity, his simple mind and simple way of life. Speaking of which, he told me he never used a handphone before til 2 months ago. I know it's wierd but i believe its true.
Hehehe so I told him, how beautiful the way Allah arranged things. Allah made him used handphone only 2 months ago because Allah knows He was sending me to get to know Q, and Allah made him wrote those misinterpretation note at my T and that gave me the reason to finally have the guts to call him.
The funny and kinda scary thing that happened towards our last SMS. I text him a goodnite msg and click SEND at the same time I close my eyes and whisper "God i wish I can tell Q 'Love U''. The next SMS came from him was "I LOVE YOU TOO". That made me jumped and couldnt stop staring at the phone screen with again my heart beat ran at the speed of 110km per sec. I looked up at the sky and I told God, ok this is the 2nd thing for today you gave me an immediate answer. 1. the earth quake tremor and 2. this SMS.
Finally I closed the flip, push my phone under my pillow and slept like a baby and woke up at 5am.
I couldn't focus on my work that I text Q,asking for his opinion. Didnt want to disturb Nini as at that moment, she was meeting this one guy whom she has been looking forward to meet. But could tell him the details. And 10 mins later he replied me saying " Cant give my opinion on the alleged scam.Still too much I dont know, and your position in that matter. Hope u're just a bystander. 'HAD' meaning he forced you to? And you know for sure it was against the rule? Like I said, too much q to ask...." I truly understand when its hard for Q to give me an opinion when he doesnt know the whole situation. And it wouldnt be fair to him either.
So i decided to just pack my things, and told Allah to forgive me for having to be involved indirectly.And just as I said, "wish there would be earthquake and the roof would just collapse..." suddenly I saw the plants at my desk started to dance and then i started to feel the earthquake tremor. Woops! guess i said it at the wrong time. In my heart i said " Ok I take that back".
Rush back home, hoping to to be there in time to accompany my dad for his 'buka puasa'. But just as I reached home, Ridhwan started to tell me his chest hurt and he is having difficulty in breathing. And at that moment, perhaps partly due to what happen earlier about the scam, I just lost my patience towards Ridhwan. On top of the thing that had just happened, since weekend, I haven't had a proper sleep and have been rushing to the hospital almost every 2-3 days. And having to have sleepless nights taking care of Spidey. Helping him to cope with his asthma. At times, i just dont know what else to do.
So i asked him to sit infront of me and gave him a 20mins piece of mind. I want him to fight. I want him to be a fighter like me. With my condition, I know I am not gonna be long. Unless Allah wants it otherwise. I want him to learn TO NEVER JUSTIFY in life. I want him to see the possibles in every impossibles. He started crying taking my hand and kiss them and kept on apologising. As much as my heart was melting at that moment, I didnt want to show it to him. And he begged me never to send him to stay with his father.
A few minutes later, his father called. He asked me to accompany him to see Spidey's original doctor at KJMC. He just didnt trust the doctor at University Hospital. And he needed me to be around because only I know the dosage of medicine Spidey has to take. While waiting to see the doctor, Spidey and his father went to the surau to do Maghrib prayer when jsut before salam, Spidey was having difficulty in breathing.Met the doctor and another nebulizer but thank God he was ok after that.
On the way back, I text Q, asking him what the note he sent to my T all about? He wouldnt tell but asked me to read the note when I get the opportunity to get online. ALready its bad enough, I havent got my new lappy. When i reached home i locked myself in my room for a moment because I couldnt help but to shed my tears. I couldnt wait until tomorrow to read the message at the office, so got into my car, drove to nini's place and told her i just need to read one message on T.
My heart was going at the rate of 110km per sec, afraid to read the message but still put up the courage to finally read the message. After reading the message, i told myself, "I am just gonna call this guy for the first time...and he better pick up the phone" because i know if i were to reply the message it can be misunderstood again.
I close my eyes, feeling nervous, with Bismillah, I dialled his number. Hearing the ringing tone almost had me hang up the phone but just before i could do that, I heard this nice gentleman's voice on the other end. I paused awhile to clear my throat before i started talking like a choo choo train. And i can hear him laughing in amusement probably the way I talked.
We talked for an hour until his battery couldnt take it anymore and the line got disconnected. And later at 1am, we text each other til 2.45am. God! I love this guy..oopps!I j love his simplicity, his simple mind and simple way of life. Speaking of which, he told me he never used a handphone before til 2 months ago. I know it's wierd but i believe its true.
Hehehe so I told him, how beautiful the way Allah arranged things. Allah made him used handphone only 2 months ago because Allah knows He was sending me to get to know Q, and Allah made him wrote those misinterpretation note at my T and that gave me the reason to finally have the guts to call him.
The funny and kinda scary thing that happened towards our last SMS. I text him a goodnite msg and click SEND at the same time I close my eyes and whisper "God i wish I can tell Q 'Love U''. The next SMS came from him was "I LOVE YOU TOO". That made me jumped and couldnt stop staring at the phone screen with again my heart beat ran at the speed of 110km per sec. I looked up at the sky and I told God, ok this is the 2nd thing for today you gave me an immediate answer. 1. the earth quake tremor and 2. this SMS.
Finally I closed the flip, push my phone under my pillow and slept like a baby and woke up at 5am.
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