Friday, May 21, 2010

Specially To My Beloved Papa With Lots Of Love





I have been wanting to pen down a special journal, tribute to my beloved dad for quite sometime but i can never get the right words to express my gratitude to this very special man whom I call "papa". There is no word in the world best dictionary that can describe him.
It's never been one special thing that my father has done but all the special things he has gone out of his way to do. He has worked days on end in dirty dead end jobs just to put food on the table. I'm sure there were times when he went hungry just to feed us. After working a full day he would come home and spend hours playing with me when I was little. My dad is always quiet and understanding where others would have lost their temper.
He is a man with few words..well I must say ever since mama passed away 14 years ago, he is mostly in his own world making himself closer to the Almighty. Many have asked him, why not marry another? His answer will always be "32". It means that if there is a month that has 32days, then he shall get marry on that day.
At the age of 74, he is still a very strong man and Sundays? Sunday is the day he will cook luxurious for his grown up children. Sunday is always a big feast at home. I simple have to thank the Almighty for giving me the best mom and dad anyone could ever asked for. So here is something for my beloved papa

What Makes A Dad
God took the strength of a mountain
The Majesty of a tree
The warmth of the summer sun
The calm of the quiet sea
The generous soul of nature
The comforting arm of night
The wisdom of ages
The Power of the eagle's flight
The joy of the morning spring
The faith of the mustard seed
The patience of eternity
The depth of the family need
Then God combined these qualities
when there was nothing more to add
He knew His masterpiece was complete
And so,
He called it....DAD

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

To My Qel....LOL!


One night, Ellie was fondly thinking of her fiance Qel. His birthday was coming up and she wanted to do something extra special for him. So, she decided to ask God for help.
Ellie called out "God?"

God replied "Yes, my dear Ellie?"

Ellie asked : I think that my boyfriend, Qel , is the most wonderful man. He makes me so very very happy. God I want to do the same for him. Change me into the woman that Qel will think is the most beautiful, the most kind, the most affectionate and the most loving."

God asked "Are u you SURE that's what you want?"

Ellie replied "Yes. Yes, I am sure".

God answered "Very well Ellie, go to sleep and rest, for when you wake up tomorrow morning you will have your wish".

Ellie was very excited, but eventually she fell into deep deep sleep. When she awoke the next morning, she remembered the promise God made to her. She prang out of bed and ran to the mirror to see what she looked like. What she saw was a woman with no make up on and uncombed hair. Ellie recoqnised her. It was the same woman that greeted her at the mirror every morning.
Ellie cried out "God!!"

God replied "Yes my dear Ellie?"
An exasperated Ellie said "You said while I slept, You would change me into a woman of Qel's dream. I woke up this morning, I look EXACTLY the same, I feel EXACTLY the same."

God answered " My dear Ellie, I did not say I would change you into the woman of Qel's dream while you slept. I said, when you awoke, you would have your wish. I didn't take interest in your request just last night. I have been working on that since you were in your mother's womb. I have working on your wish for the last 40 years. I haven't made you into the woman of his dream. Ellie, I have made you into the woman BEYOND his dream....

Hehehehehehe...sorrryyyy sayang! Just a story that made me a lil vain huh?? Love you very very much

To People I Call "Friend"..


A true friend is not necessary be someone who is not blood related to us. This person can be your own family, your other half or can be someone whom you just met on a bus to work. As for me, my truest friend in human form was always my late mom but of course the truest truest friend I have and will always have that will never let me down will have to be the Almighty God. I have only few friends that I really considered "friends" and close friends i think i only need one hand to count..well actually I can count with no extra fingers needed. The rest are just acquaintances. True friends are hard to find but you will know who are your true friends when you are being tested in a clammy situation I must say.

A true friend will be there for you through thick and thin – good times and bad. It isn't too difficult to be friends with someone when life is filled with happiness and peace. It is something altogether different to have a friend who shares in your sadness and stays beside you even when things aren't going well.When strong friendships exist, mutual caring is evident. Doing things for one another, without expecting to have something done in return, is a sign of genuine friendship. So is being thoughtful and listening to friends when they need to open up.

When a friend is going through troubled times, being there to encourage them, even if it's just being a shoulder to cry on or to simply listen, can make all the difference in the world. Even when things are going great, having someone recognize and appreciate your accomplishments can be just as important. With so much emphasis placed on success and accomplishment this in this day and age, having someone to witness your achievements can make even the minor victories meaningful.

Unfortunately, sometimes, loyalty can be tested. We've all had situations where someone we'd consider a true friend has let us down. Friends, even true friends, are still human and because they're human they can make mistakes. Forgiveness is essential in friendships. Accepting a friend even though they may make a mistake shows them that you respect them enough to realize they're human.

No one is perfect. Have you always lived up to your highest potential? Sometimes, we can be the cause of problems that create negative effects for people who were counting on us. Because of this, friendships can be tested. A true friend accepts you, faults and all, though. A genuine friend understands that you make mistakes

Monday, May 17, 2010

Miss Qel after 11 days Qhe took care of me


Its been 11 days since my operation and during that 11 days, Qel took care of me. Today at 9.45am, finally he went back to Kulim to top up stocks at his shop and also Nisha needs him. Today the house seems to be so quiet after he left. During that 11 days I felt like I have a husband for a moment. Also miss his niece Fadi who came to sleep over at my place during his stay. Qel was the first person I saw when I opened my eyes after my operation.
I wish I can thank Qel enough for being with me during the past 11 days and putting up with my cranky mood after the operation. Even though I had a major operation, I have no pantang. Qel just couldn't say a word about how i couldn't sit still after the operation. 1st day after operation I had Ketam, and prawns which my uncle cooked specially for me and spaghetti with huge prawns cooked by my Chef brother, Ted.(people said that's the biggest pantang for patient who undergo operations). On the 4th day i was discharged and same day i started driving my car with the post operation pain I still have. 2nd day I drove Qel to Sunway Pyramid just because I wanted to eat something.
I am glad that Qel find comfortable staying at my house with my dad, kids and niece and even his niece Fadi enjoyed moments sleeping at my house. Oh yesterday Qel helped me to decorate my walking stick because he knew my frustration I am feeling deep inside me just because i felt handicapped having to walk with a walking stick and when we were at Sunway, I was so touched when he hold my hand tight while walking. He wasn't ashamed walking with a girlfriend who uses walking stick and despite knowing she has bone cancer he still loves me.
I guess Allah blesses me with a kind partner and at the same time giving me cancer and the operation i had to go through as a cleanser to my sins.

Friday, May 14, 2010

My mood swing is killing me softly


After i got out of the hospital, i found myself snapping at people, especially at Qel, fighting those mood swings, not wanting to work and a few other things, including just wanting to be left alone. Even when I were at the hospital, I requested not to have visitors from the office except my immediate family members.
Before I was hospitalised recently, my gynecology told me that the level of my hormone was increasing and the heavy bleeding that comes from my uterus were unexplainable. For 2 months, it was like hell for me. The pain and the heavy bleeding , I had to do my blood test twice a week to see my hormone reading and also scanning of my uterus and I had to go through it alone . Yes Qel did the extra prayers so that Allah would take away my suffering but he didn't go through the pain and the mood swing that I had to go through.Until my recent operation to remove my right tube and my left ovary, I am still having my hormonal imbalance.
I am experiencing a roller coaster of emotions such as numbness, disbelief, anger, guilt, sadness, depression, and difficulty concentrating and it got worst after my operation. From the moment I woke up after the operation until now my emotion has been like a roller coaster. Qel came to KL on the day I had my operation and he is still here with me. But after the operation, my heart just felt numb. I became confused to of my own feelings. I got scared when I thought of marriage and I got scared with the thought of having a relationship.
A couple of days ago, I even felt that I want a break in my relationship. I called up my doctor and asked her if this is normal and she told me that its my hormone trying to set back to a normal level but sometimes its gonna take a while. Feel so alone and sad. My niece told me that each time I feel like getting angry, take a deep breath and exhale (repeat it 3 times).
My doctor also told me that most likely its got to do with my cancer. After going through cancer I learn pretty quickly who really cares and will take the time to talk with me It is frustrating when people I love don't understand anything about what I have gone through and are still going through. I have good days and painful days and I can't be expected to live by any schedule.
3 days ago,Qel told me he has trouble to cope with my mood swing lately. I am one year into recovery and keep hoping that it gets better, but the mood swings seem to increase! Combination of self pity, fear, and anger- on the bad days. Tell yourself why you feel that way on the good days, but when the bad days show up no logical thinking helps.
My ex GM told me.."Ellie, do some therapeutic cooking while I am on long medical leave...it will help to heal your hormonal imbalance". I will just do that i guess..

Monday, May 10, 2010

My Operation At UMMC-3rd - 7th May 2010

It all started on 3rd May Monday morning at 2 am, when I suddenly felt an uncomfortable sensation on my left leg. It went up to my tummy which turned into an unbearable pain. I felt like being stabbed repeatedly that area that made my whole body shiver. I went to the bathroom and sat on the white marble throne hoping to ease whatever pain inside my tummy. Suddenly when I wanted to get up I just couldn’t do it. I had to call papa to help me get up and lead me to my bed. From that point onwards my condition got even worse.
Seeing the condition his daughter was in, papa tried whatever he could to help ease her discomfort. He put ointment to rub on my tummy to alleviate the pain. He even recited the verses from the Quran in the hope that divine intervention would help me. But the pain persisted.
There was no let up to my suffering. The pain got worse and worse so much so that my whole body cringed to resist the pain. My condition even drove my dad to tears. By 5 o’clock in the morning my condition got so unbearable that I had to seek the help of my ex husband to take me to the nearest clinic. The moment the doctor scanned, he saw a 7 cm cyst in my left ovary. Immediately he gave me a letter to go to the hospital for further treatment.
Papa and my best friend, Nini took me to the Universiti Malaya Medical Centre at about 9 pm the same day. We waited there for over 8 hours before we got to see the doctor, at 5.30am. That was the longest and most painful wait I have ever experienced in my life. I was immediately warded and scheduled for operation when it was also discovered that I had a cyst the size of a 50 cents coin in my right fallopian tube. I text my Human Resource to inform him of my hospitalization and I also requested that I don’t wish to have any visitors from the office due to my complication. It wasn’t just the cyst but it was more than that.
At 9 am on Wednesday, Professor Azmi came to check on me and the moment he put his hand into my v*&%*@, I screamed because of the pain. He instructed the MOs to do an emergency operation on me. He asked me if I would like to have anymore kids in the future because they need to remove some parts of my reproduction organ. My answer was “No..! Go ahead and remove what’s necessary and by 2pm on the same day, they wheeled me into the operation theatre. I was opened up at the same place when I had caesarian section twice before. As the surgeon was about to take out the cyst on the left side, it burst. Another surgeon had to be called to suck out the liquid and the dilapidated cyst away. On the right side of my ovary, the alien growth was removed by surgically removing the whole fallopian tube away.
The whole operation took about four and a half hours. I was wheeled back to my ward at about 6.30 pm still in a state of semi-consciousness. The first person I saw beside my bed when I opened my eyes was my darling Qel. Since I was still overcame by sedation and post-operation discomfort I could not say much. I just wanted to close my eyes and go to sleep. Only with the help of the morphine infused into my blood-stream that I was able to bear the pain, more or less. All that time recovering in bed I wished I don’t have to go through the experience ever again. I have been bleeding since Mid March and have had a few attacks of unbearable pains.

Below are the pictures of me hospitalized and recovering from my operation.
Qel came to visit me after the operation. This was taken on the 2nd day after the operation. Was still attached to the Morphin shots to overcome the post operation pain

My Darling Dad(in lite blue shirt R/hd) who have been with me through out the tortured 2 months I went through the complication. In the picture are also my cousin Razman(standing), my uncle Pak Wan( on the wheel chair) and Pak Wan's maid Nor

My Younger Brother Chef Norman brought me his own cooking, Spaghetti with Creme Sauce. He had to feed me as I was still in pain though I was smiling...

On 2nd day after a major operation, Qel's mom called to advice me not to eat that and this but unfortunately I don't have this pantang thingy in my vocabulary. After operation I had prawns and crab already and i refused to use the Morphin shots as I kept telling Qel, I am a strong chick.

Friday, April 30, 2010

Thank you Sheila for the Song-NEVER GIVE UP

Finding your way in this world can be an uphill battle. Some seem to get what they want or need almost effortlessly, while others seem to fight a constant battle, with unimaginable obstacles. If you have a dream and have to struggle to make it come true, at which point do you give up? "Give up? Is that even in your vocabulary?"Well at one point I almost give up with my life when I got the news of my relapsed but Qel was telling me he will NEVER GIVE UP ON ME..and that he said I should not give up too because he will always hold my hand and walk this journey WITH ME even if I am handicap.
When you have a dream,then you must pursue it. Some dreams may take a lifetime to see fulfilled, and some may not be filled until we are gone, but, keeping the dream alive is what keeps you alive. So, why then don't you make your dream come true?
Dreams are only dreams until they are put into action. Walt Disney said "All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them." You must first dare to dream, then from the dream comes a plan of action. For without action the dream will remain dormant and unfulfilled.
Though obstacles will arise and moments of fear and doubt may wish to discourage, a dream to succeed becomes a reality with persistence and determination.Only God knows my inner feelings..
If you ask any famous entrepreneur how they got where they are today, they would tell you be being persistent.That's what my boss En Azli always tell me..PERSISTENT Not one of them got there over night or easily. Their success was the direct result of many failings. The best thing about failure is it becomes an ingredient in the end result of a fulfilled dream.My dream is not about wanting to be a successful entrepreneur but well lets just say "Its my personal dream"
Success is a recipe. It requires many parts to make it whole. Those who get to the top fast without much struggle are more likely to crash faster and harder than those who took the hard road. Hard work is the glory. When you get to your dream and look back upon the struggle, there is a true sense of pride and accomplishment knowing you continued to follow this dream, despite all challenges.

A Simple Reminder

The message as the title suggests is A Simple Reminder, a message i too had forgotten but Alhumdullilah i was reminded of it now and felt it is a good reminder for you too.

Does Black Magic Really Exist or its just in one's mind!

What is black magic? I heard that it’s a spell that can hurt someone even if you are a good person. Does it exist or not?

The past 3 weeks, I have strangers coming to me and warned me to be careful with those people around me. Just like yesterday, after I had lunch with my friend Sheila at Ampang Point, we stopped at this kiosk selling head scarfs. I am not the type of person who likes to wear fashionable headscarfs but just plain black. So I don't really bother to buy new ones. But yesterday, I dunno why but I just decided to stop and tried a few.
The sale person who is in her early 20s while putting on the headscarf for me, she suddenly said , "Kak boleh saya cakap sikit?(Sis, can I tell you something?)". I looked at her and said sure go ahead. Then she said " Kak hati-hati ya."(Sis, Please be careful yeah). I thought she was just telling me to be careful of pick pockets or snatch thief but then she continued."Ramai orang dengki dekat akak and sekarang guna ilmu hitam buat akak sakit and orang-orang ni takkan berhenti hingga akak hancur".(You have lots of people envy and at the moment are casting black magic spell against you and they will not stop until you are totally destroyed). So I told her, that me using the walking stick has nothing to do with black magic but due to my bone cancer. Then she told me that not about my walking stick but the bleeding i have been having since March.
I looked at her in silence and then she told me that she is from Sabah and that she has this ability to see. Maybe it's God's way of telling me to be careful because she is the 3rd person in 3 weeks.
1. As much as i know it exists but to me there is no power except Allah's, so I am not gonna be afraid and shall just pray to Him and redha. No way I am gonna see people so called "Orang Alim" 2. To me they can do what they want to do as long as I keep on forgiving them, I will not fall into the category of SHIRIK/ Kufr. Last week a client called just to tell me the same but only a little bit detail saying that this people are using Indonesian black magic. Why be afraid. Things happen only with HIS PERMISSION.
Black magic does exist and it was even performed on the Prophet of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace).

‘A Jew by the name of Labid ibn Asim who outwardly posed to be a believer (Munafiq) carried out black magic on the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace). He took the hair of the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) and made eleven knots and placed it under a rock in a well called Zarwan.

The effect of this was that it created uncertainty in the mind of the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) as to whether he had done or not done certain things (although this had no effect on his religious and prophetic obligations)

At times the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) felt he had accomplished something yet he had not done so and vice versa. The angel Jibra’il informed the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) as to what had occurred and came down with the two Surahs, namely Surah al-Falaq and Surah an-Nas. The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) together with the Companions (Allah be pleased with them all) went to the well and removed the knotted hair. As each verse was recited, the knots untied miraculously.

At the eleventh knot, the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) was relieved from the effects of this black magic. [See: Tafsir Ibn Kathir & Ma’arif al-Qur’an]

'Sayyida A’isha (Allah be pleased with her) narrates:

“Whenever the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) would become ill, he would recite the Mu’awwizat (Surah al-Falaq & Surah an-Nas) and blow over himself. When his illness was aggravated, I used to recite these two Surahs (and blow my breath) over him and make him rub his body with his own hand, for its blessings.” [Sahih al-Bukhari, no. 4728]

Also, the consuming of Ajwa dates has been prescribed by the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) as a remedy for black magic. Amir ibn Sa’d narrates from his father that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said:

‘“He who eats seven Ajwa dates every morning, will not be affected by poison or magic on the day he eats them.” [Sahih al-Bukhari, no. 5130]

May Allah forgive those who practice BLACK MAGIC and open their heart to the right path.




Wednesday, April 28, 2010

When You Love SomeOne Let Them Know


One fine day, an old couple around the age of 70, walks into a lawyer's office.
Apparently, they are there to file a divorce.

Lawyer was very puzzled, after having a chat with them, he got their story....
This couple had been quarreling all their 40 over yrs of marriage nothing ever seems to go right.

They hang on because of their children, afraid that it might affect their up-bringing. Now, all their children have already grown up, have their own family, there's nothing else the old couple have to worry about, all they wanted is to lead their own life free from all these years of unhappiness from their marriage, so both agree on a divorce....

Lawyer was having a hard time trying to get the papers done, because he felt that after 40 yrs of marriage at the age of 70, he couldnt understand why the old couple would still want a divorce..

While they were signing the papers, the wife told the husband..
"I really love u, but i really cant carry on anymore, I'm sorry.."
"Its o.k, i understand.." said the husband. Lookin at this, the lawyer suggested a dinner together, just 3 of them,wife thought, why not, since they are still gonna be friends..

At the dining table, there was a silence of awkardness.
The first dish was roasted chicken, immediately, the old man took the drumstick for the old lady.."take this, its your favourite.."

Looking at this, the lawyer thought maybe theres still a chance, but the wife was frowning when she answer.."
This is always the problem, you always think so highly of yourself, never thought about how I feel, dont you know that i hate drumsticks?"

Little did she know that, over the years, the husband have been trying all ways to please her, little did she know that drumsticks was the husband's favourite. Little did he know that she never thought he understand her at all, little did he know that she hates drummsticks even though all he wants is the best for her.

That night, both of them couldnt sleep, toss and turn, toss and turn...after hours, the old man couldnt take it anymore, he knows that he still loves her, and he cant carry on life without her, he wants her back, he wants to tell her, he is sorry, he wanted to tell her "i love you"...

He picks up the phone, starting dialing her number....ringing never stops..he never stop dialing....

On the other side, she was sad, she couldn’t understand how come after all these years, he still doesnt understand her at all, she loves him a lot, but she just cant take it anymore....phone's ringing, she refuses to answer knowing that its him..."whats the point of talking now that its over...i have ask for it and now i wanna keep it this way, if not i will lose face.."she thought...still ringing...she have decided to pull out the cord...

Little did she remember, he have heart problems...

The next day, she received news that he had passed away...she rushed down to his apartment, saw his body, lying on the couch still holding on to the phone...he had a heart attack when he was still trying to get through her phone line....

As sad as she could be...she will have to clear his belongings...when she was looking thru the drawers, she saw this insurance policy, dated from the day they got married, with the beneficiary being her... And together in those file, there was this note...

"To my dearest wife, by the time you're reading this, I'm sure I'm no longer around, I bought this policy for you, though the amount is only $100k, I hope it will be able to help me continue my promise that i have made when we got married, I might not be around anymore, I want this amount of money to continue taking care of you, just like the way I will if I could have live longer. I want you to know Iwill always be around, by your side... I love you"

Tears flowed like river......

"When you love someone, let them know... You never know what will happen the next minute.... Learn to build a life together.. Learn to love each other. For who they are.. not what they are..."

Specially dedicated To A Friend..Coz I am Your Friend


I am writing this journal for a particular friend who is going through a separation. He will know this is for him even though I am not gonna mention his name. I pray and hope that you will not throw away a 20years old marriage.
The other day Qel asked me this question which I have no answer to it. He asked me "Why do people get married in the first place and divorced later?". I looked at him and said "I dunno sayang..because my marriage didn't work out and ended with a divorce". Then I continued again by telling him "Perhaps people just take things for granted after marriage..they just stopped doing those little things they used to do during courting.
Here is a real story which I read somewhere on the net not long ago and I like to dedicate it to a particular friend. I hope you will not get mad at me for writing this journal.

A married couple came to a counselor for advice. No sooner were they seated, than they began speaking at the same time in a duel of criticisms. When they finally stopped for lack of breath, the counselor suggested that now they tell each other all the good they see in one another.

There was total silence.

Then each was given a ball-point pen and a sheet of paper and told to write down something praiseworthy about the other. Neither of them wrote. They both sat and stared at the paper. After what seemed like a long time, the husband started to write something. At once the wife also began to write--fast and furiously. Finally, the writing stopped.

There was silence again.

The wife pushed her paper over to the watching counselor. He pushed it back signaling that she was to give it directly to her husband. She reluctantly shoved the paper halfway across the table. He took it and in turn, slid his paper towards his wife. Each began to read.

The counselor watched...Soon a tear slid down the cheek of his wife. She crumpled the paper in her fist and held it tight. That proved that she treasured the sudden revelation of good things her husband had expressed about her. The whole atmosphere of the room changed. There was no need for anything to be said. Praise had healed a thousand wounds.

The husband and wife left arm in arm.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Enjoy Your Life.....


Material things do not necessarily bring you happiness. That is a fact of life. It is a hard fact to understand sometimes, especially in a society that tries very hard to teach you otherwise.It is very common to get into a mode where you think, "If only I had object X, my life would be perfect and I would be happy." You REALLY want something: a new TV, a new car, a special pair of shoes, whatever. Then you buy it and you LOVE having it for a few days. But over time you get bored or it wears out. You can see this pattern repeated constantly in your own life. For example, your parents and grandparents likely spent thousands and thousands of ringgits on toys for you as you were growing up: Dump trucks and Barbie dolls and video games and electric cars and on and on and on. All of those toys got boring or broken or outgrown eventually. They brought happiness for a moment or a week, but over time they became worthless and your desire turned to a new object.This pattern begs the following question: "If material things bring just a temporary and short-term happiness, then what does that mean?" It might mean that you have to buy material objects at a rate of perhaps one per day to sustain the temporary and short-term high of getting something new. The problem is, that begins to sound a lot like a drug habit. This train of thinking can get you into some very deep areas.
2 weeks ago i received an interesting email from my beloved sis, Nita. Its exactly how I see life. So I'm gonna copy and paste the content of the email in this journal.
A boat docked in a tiny Mexican fishing village.
A tourist complimented the local fishermen on the quality of their fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.

"Not very long." they answered in unison.

"Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?"
The fishermen explained that their small catches were sufficient to meet their needs and those of their families.
"But what do you do with the rest of your time?"
"We sleep late, fish a little, play with our children, and take siestas with our wives. In the evenings, we go into the village to see our friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs.
We have a full life."

The tourist interrupted,
"I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you!

You should start by fishing longer every day.
You can then sell the extra fish you catch.
With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat."
"And after that?"
"With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers.
Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant.
You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City , Los Angeles , or even New York City !

From there you can direct your huge new enterprise."
"How long would that take?"
"Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years." replied the tourist.
"And after that?"
"Afterwards? Well my friend, that's when it gets really interesting, " answered the tourist, laughing. "When your business gets really big, you can start buying and selling stocks and make millions!"
"Millions? Really? And after that?" asked the fishermen.
"After that you'll be able to retire,
live in a tiny village near the coast,
sleep late, play with your children,
catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends."


"With all due respect sir, but that's exactly what we are doing now. So what's the point wasting twenty-five years?" asked the Mexicans.
And the moral of this story is:
....... Know where you're going in life.... you may already be there!!
There is a difference between material happiness, which implies having all the basic (or extravagant) comforts necessary to live life, and spiritual happiness, which implies something else altogether. I had a friend whose philosophy was this:
No matter how much u make, u always want more. So if u make RM25,000 you believe if you would just make RM50,000 you would be happy. But then u begin to make RM50,000. At that point, you believe if you would just made RM100,000, you would be happy, and so on through life. This pattern is true whether u make RM25,000 or RM100,000 a year,because as you earn more money you acquire more expensive tastes. It seems to me u might as well learn how to be happy with RM25,000 a year and figure out an easy way to earn it and then have the rest of your time free doing what u want to do.
One funny thing about all of these different areas is that none of them are taxed. You are taxed on the money you earn, and that is it. There is no knowledge tax, for example. You can learn freely throughout life and acquire a huge "bank account" of knowledge. No one can steal it or diminish it in any way. Presumably, knowledge is the one thing you might be able to take with you to Heaven.All of these alternative types of wealth are different from financial wealth, and yet all of them can be equally rewarding in their own ways. The point is that the act of buying things by itself, despite what television tells you, may not be what will bring you maximum happiness in life. Things like good friends, a loving spouse, well-raised children, a home built on love, a good relationship with God, a clear conscience, a worthy goal and a job you truly enjoy bring you contentment that lasts and has meaning. These things are often very hard for some teenagers to understand, but as you mature they become more important.As you look at the world around you and come to understand what is important to you, keep these things in mind. Think about what it is that you enjoy and what makes you truly happy. See what you find. In thinking about it consciously, you might be surprised by what you discover. Money is incredibly important—you need it to survive. But it is not the only thing you need, and money itself will not bring lasting happiness to most people. Man does not live by bread alone.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

My Special Surprise For my Sweetheart Qel


Thursday was the last day of DSA'10. As any other day, booth closed at 5pm. By 4pm, I asked Tuan Siva if we could packed up things at 4pm as I had to drive up to Kedah right after the event. He agreed 4pm we started packing up all the stuffs.
THURSDAY- 22/04/2010
Qel didnt know i was coming to Kulim. It was a big surprise for him. I have planned this trip about a week in advanced. The people at Kulim who knew my arrival were his family members. Even that..they knew i was arriving on Friday and not Thursday. Well I guess it was a surprise for everyone.
At 5pm finished packing everything and rushed to Ampang to pick up my niece who came along with me to Kulim. Told papa that I was heading straight to Kulim after my duty at PWTC and would not have dinner at home.
After 4 days of duty at PWTC and having to stand 12hours daily, I was damned tired especially with the heavy bleeding for the past 2 and the half months I've been facing, somehow on Thursdays despite the bleeding got heavier than other days and with heavy clots, the excitement of meeting Qel somehow have overcome my tiredness and the stomach cramp . A day before the trip I told Qel I have a surprise for him and that I WILL SEND THEM BY POST LAJU(kekekekeek). So on Thursday I purposely text him to ask if the parcel(which never exist )I sent have arrived. Innocently he said NOT YET probably tomorrow.
On the way to Kulim had to stop at a couple R & R to ease my stomach cramp and to change my pad as the bleeding was really killing me. Whole day haven't taken a single meal so decided to stop at Taiping for seafood dinner with my niece. In the car I told my niece " I hope Uncle Qel will not call and said SAYANG JOM ONLINE..coz then it will ruin the whole surprise".
True enough when we were having dinner at Taiping around 10pm, he called and said "SAYANG JOM ONLINE". Alamak! I had to lie to him and said that I was watching this movie on Astro and will get online by 11pm. HE said ok. Left Taiping at 10.20pm and drove like speedy gonzales but before JAWI interchange it was raining cats and dogs. Couldn't see the road at all so had to drive slowly. 11pm reached JAWI Interchange and after paying the toll, again I text him. I had to come up with another reason why I couldn't get online by 11pm. So I had to tell him i was running out of sanitary pad and that i had to go out for awhile.
Thought I could reached his house by 11.30 at the latest but just when i was so confident with my way to his place, I just had to enter the wrong junction after the toll. Had to call him and divert his mind to something else, so I told him that the delivery boys insisted that they sent my parcel that night itself and that they were on their way.
Qel asked me why they had to send the parcel at such late hours and what were their names? Hehehheh my niece Tiara came up with their names for the konon-konon delivery boys- GUNASEGARAN & AMAD. lol lol..Tiara said, she was Amad and I were Gunasegaran.
By 11.50pm we finally reached Qel's house. I called him and said that the delivery boys called and that they were in front of his gate. Here comes the best part, my sweetheart Qel said"Ok sayang talk to you later coz i think i can hear the car outside." He rushed to open the gate and still not realizing that the car in front of his gate was my car. Tiara and I were laughing so much and that i felt so bad. I went out of my car and the moment he saw me...he was stunt and speechless and he just put his hand at his mouth TERKEJUT. That look on his face....Is one look I can never forget and I think it took him like half and hour to realize that I was there in front of him for real and that he wasn't dreaming.
4days 3 nights we were at Kulim and despite the tummy cramp, bleeding and leg numb, I really enjoyed the trip. Missing him and his family so much now....can't wait to go there again in June.
Wonder what will be my next prank...heheheh he just have the nottiest partner.

Wish You Have Some DIGNITY


Today was my second day on duty at the DSA’10. Today I decided to take the train because yesterday had to pay RM18.00 for the parking and on top of that the traffic jam I got stuck in was really petrol consuming. 8.00am reached Putra Komuter Station. For Hall 4, I was the earliest to reach coz there wasn’t a single soul except me and the mannequin.

My tech reached PWTC just 10mins after me and we started doing the setting up. The internet is always the problem.

At 9am another staff of mine text me and said “I’m having breakfast at Pan Pac and would be at the hall by 9.45am. To me with or without her makes no different. (Yes I am very very mad when I am writing this journal and NO I’m not mad because she had breakfast, lunch & tea break at Pan Pac but….here’s why!)

I am not gonna write in detail what really made me upset but all I can say is that I hate when people used my name for his/her own benefit. Yes I am sick, and yes the doctor has asked me to use a walking stick because of my bone cancer and yes I’ve been bleeding the past 3 weeks which doctor herself can’t even tell me why, but I am still bloody strong to work. I am not a weak person and I don’t need anyone’s help.

But when someone uses my name to get away from work..I will be DAMN PISSED!!!. Telling HR that she needs to cover me up because I am sick, I can’t walk?? For God sake for their own benefit... How much more do people need to ruin my reputation? Some people can be so despicable.

Well I am not gonna do anything about it because I believe WHAT COMES AROUND GOES AROUND.

Here are some of the picture taken during my days at the DSA'10 exhibition. Do I look sick??







Friday, April 16, 2010

Dedication to my Creator, my Best Friend The Almighty

Specially dedicated to Dr Fatima N Qel


There (on the Day of Resurrection), Al-Walayah (the protection, power, authority and kingdom) will be for Allah (Alone), the True God. He (Allah) is the Best for reward and the Best for the final end. (La ilaha ill-Allah none has the right to be worshipped but Allah).

“Pada saat yang sedemikian itu kekuasaan memberi pertolongan hanya tertentu bagi Allah, Tuhan yang sebenar-benarnya; Dia lah sebaik-baik pemberi pahala, dan sebaik-baik pemberi kesudahan yang berbahagia (kepada hamba-hambaNya yang taat)” [al-Kahf 18: 44]

The past 2 months, I have to check my blood reading every Monday and Friday. 8 weeks the reading has been so hay wired. I have been bleeding since mid March but only spotting. Never had that problem before. It started on the day my period was supposed to due. At first I thought it was because of the "Kunyit drink" I have been taking for my cancer. My best friend told me it could also be that I'm facing menopause but i was only gonna be 40years old in 17days time at that moment. I went to do my check up with my gynecology specialist. She did scanning and check ups but couldn't find anything wrong with my uterus.
Then they checked my blood, and my blood showed something was wrong but doctor said it could be because of my bone cancer. Since then I had to do blood test every 3 days. Each result puzzled my doctor. Then 3 weeks ago on Saturday morning, I was taking my shower suddenly lots of blood dripping on the toilet floor. It scared the hell out of me. Since my next blood check up was coming Monday which was 2 days away, i decided to wait until then. Monday morning at 7.45am i was at the hospital.
Dr Fatima arrived and straight away called me into her room and checked on me..by then my whole uterus was filled up with blood. But with the scanning ,she still couldn't find anything in my uterus except blood. My bleeding became so heavy. The first 7 days I used up 30 pieces of pad. Had to buy another 30 pieces. The bleeding was soo heavy that its triple of what i have on my heavy days period.
Last Sunday at home I collapsed in my room. When to see the doctor my blood pressure was very low. Next scanning only showed more blood in my uterus and i was prescribed with very strong antibiotic to save my whole production organ.
Last night Qel told me he will do extra prayer for me..he was gonna begged Allah to have His mercy on me. I heard his trembling voice, I knew he wanted to cry but tried hard not to. This morning, I woke up and told Allah "please don't let it be a uterus tumor or anything dangerous, for I am still fighting for my bone cancer".
Reached the hospital this morning at 7.50am..first to arrive. Qel sent me a text message "Imagine me holding ur hand and walk with you sayang..oopppss forgot ur morning kiss..muuuuaaaahhhsss"..that really put a smile on my face. He wanted to come down to KL but i told him No because there is nothing him or anyone can do to help except God.
Then the number appear on the screen..3001. I got up and told God in my heart hear goes my result.The moment i opened the door, Dr. Fatima smile and said good morning elina..how are u feeling today...? I said after 3 weeks, this morning my bleeding suddenly stopped. She looked so delighted. When I sat down, she look at me and put her hand on my knee and said "today Im gonna do whole check up but I'm gonna waive every charges for today. I tak sampai hati to see you go through this..i think u have gone through so much of this complication on top of the bone cancer"
I was speechless. Then she said "ok come lets do all the scanning. She did 2 types of scanning and was surprised herself. My uterus was cleared and clean, no more blood and the shape has gone back to normal. Then she looked at me and said insyaAllah you will be ok and not uterus tumor or anything dangerous but we just take your blood reading and I will call you today evening"...I was speechless and my tears just rolled down my cheeks.At that moment all my heart couldnt stop thanking Allah for the miracle.
Before i left her room, she said "Elina.."..and when i turned around she said "Please tell ridhwan & Sarah, Untie Fatima and her son will pray for their mother everyday until she is cured from her cancer. Doctor Fatima has been my doctor since 1999. She is the first specialist doctor that really cares for her patient sincerely and help them not for the sake of money. Got in the car first person I called was Qel to tell him God answered his Tahajud prayer.
Thank you oh Allah..I can never thank you enough. Qel text me "He is the most passionate and the most merciful. Our guilt for doubting Him at times"....Forgive me my dear Almighty and I pray to You to bless Dr Fatima always.

HERE IS A SPECIAL DEDICATION TO MY SWEETHEART QEL FOR SINCERELY HOLDING MY HAND AND WALK THIS JOURNEY OF MINE WHICH IS FULL OF OBSTACLES. DESPITE MY MEDICAL CONDITIONS WHICH MOST GUYS WOULD JUST DUMPED ME. WHEN I GAVE HIM THE OPTION TO LEAVE ME BECAUSE OF MY CONDITION AND ASKED HIM TO FIND SOMEONE PERFECT....THIS IS HIS REPLY " LET ME TELL YOU THAT DESPITE WHAT GO THROUGH YESTERDAY, TODAY OR TOMORROW, YOU WILL ALWAYS BE THE PERFECT ONE FOR ME"

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

I will continue fighting...


SHEILA & I during our visit to Kulim in March'10

Yesterday my friend Sheila who is also battling with cancer called me. She called to tell me the outcome of her check up. From her voice i could tell that it was gonna be a good news. Indeed it was. I was so happy for her...we both have different type of cancer. She has 2nd stage breast cancer and I have first stage Chondrosarcoma. (a type of bone cancer which attacks the ligament of the long limp). But I don't know why when I was happy for Sheila, I was also feeling sad thinking that mine is still on going when mine is only first stage.
The same night I called Qel..told him the good news about Sheila's condition. Out of sudden I burst out crying sobbing on my knee. I know Qel has never heard me sobbing like that..he kept saying "Sayaaaannnggg continue talking to me please..talk to me. I'm gonna be here for you" I just couldn't talk anymore. I couldn't thank Qel enough for being so patient with my condition. He talked to me till 2am.
Cancer, the dreaded "C" word. It has become such an epidemic in our society that people are loath to even mention its name. Cancer is a disease that can affect many different parts of the body. Some of these diseases are more serious than others. It is not only the disease that is painful but also the many way of treating it. Radiation treatments may kill the cancer but are also dangerous for the body. Chemotherapy comes with many side affects such as hair loss and severe nausea. The many faces of this disease challenge an individual to show their fighting spirit and will to live.


I Forgive You

About a month ago, I received an apology message in my Facebook inbox. At first I thought it was some kind of a practical joke because it came from an unknown person who's age is half my age and in her message, she said she was sorry for hurting my feeling about 23 years ago. (Yes I used "SHE" instead of "HE" on this paragraph)
I can't remember if anyone ever hurt me then as I don't hold grudges. No matter how much a person can hurt me, I will always put up my hand and tell God, I forgive him/her so please forgive him/her my dear Almighty. I always believe in FORGIVE AND FORGET because I don't like having black dots in my heart.
Then just about 2 weeks ago, on weekend over dinner, my sister mentioned about my very first guy i dated and whom i called "my boyfriend". I was very young then...19years old. I never knew about love for a guy before that..not even during my teenage years. I came from a very strict family. The girls in the family were not allowed to have boyfriends even if they were just friends..vice versa for the boys in the family.
A week after that, on my Blackberry i got a notification for a friend request at my Facebook. It was around 2 am. The name triggered my memory but I told myself..naaaahhh couldn't be but i just click approved.
The next day at work, before i started my work, i just got on my FB. I got another message from this person asking for my contact and it was confirmed he was my very first boyfriend. I replied with my contact number and then signed out and focus on my work. 2 days ago, i received a called from unfamiliar number..The person just kept quiet but i could hear kids behind. So i just said "To whoever this is, the next time if you want to call, please talk and i hang up".
Later during the night, my phone rang again and it was the same number. Finally he spoke and introduced himself. We talked awhile. He kept apologizing for something that happened 22 years ago. I told him I have already forgiven him back then..the day i left Ipoh to join MAS as a cabin crew. He asked me if i remembered the songs we both loved back then? I named them all from Bobby Brown- Don't Be Cruel to Milli Vanilli and etc etc. LOL!
He told me that the past 5-6 months he has been following my blog and have read every each journal of mine...i think he is the first person kot that have read every journal in this blog. After I put down the phone, I couldn't sleep because i need to let my boyfriend Qel know. I don't keep secret and so I text Qel. In the message I told him " Sweetheart the next time we see each other please remind me to tell you something. I can't tell you now because i need you to look into my eyes when I tell you this so that you will know that I am telling you the truth".
Qel replied. He wanted to know that very night and promise me that he will not get upset. So I called him and told him the whole thing. Then he told me, "Baby after your numerous visit to Kulim, I know you very well already, its OK and I am not jealous neither am I angry". That moment I felt so much better. I can never hide things from Qel. Thank God he was Ok about it.
That night I slept peacefully. And I am also glad that even though things between me and my ex boyfriend didn't workout back then...but now we are friends. Just like Mike and I. We broke up but end up being the best of the best friends.



Friday, April 2, 2010

My 40th Birthday Was God's Gift

30th March 2010 was my 40th birthday and this year i received the most birthday wishes as compared to any other years. My facebook wall was filled with birthday wishes even from my all my bosses. But on that day itself I received another bad news regards to my health. Just felt like my whole world collapsed. I text my fiance Qel and also my best friend Nini. But at that moment only God knows what I was feeling. I can only share my fear with my fiance and my best friend but i can never make them feel what I was feeling then. The only One i can turn to and who truly knows what I was feeling was God. That day I begged Him to give me another chance to be a better servant to Him and I decided to put all my trust in Him. The doctor gave me whole week medical leave.
I was trusting God. I now had more time to concentrate on God’s plan and getting healthy. I went a healthy diet and began to eat a low fat diet with lots of fruits, vegetables, and whole grains though i miss my favourite food- LAMB CHOP & STEAK. I bought “organic” whenever possible.
I took vitamins and drank herbal teas(though my fiance and my best friend kept telling me stop taking that diet tea ellie) and lots of water. I gave up caffeine (Not 100% yet la)a. I play squash weekly and long relaxing cold showers. I spent time in prayer and meditation – trusting God. I learned to fully trust God. He is the provider for all my needs. His grace is sufficient.
Cancer has taught me to trust. I was always trusting myself, instead of trusting God. But I find that God provides for all my needs. When I get overwhelmed by circumstances, it’s because I’m trying to do it again, and not turning it over to Him. When I release my cancer to God, He works everything out for good. I kept a journal of my feelings and the things for which I was grateful.
I knew my life on earth was temporary. Only God knew the number of years and His timing is perfect. So I put my trust in Him and He gave me these last days to see His wonderful plan being worked out in the lives of those I love. I have been blessed to see my two babies come into this world and to get to know each of them as unique individuals created by God. I wish I could be around as they grow to celebrate their successes and special occasions with them.



I am also blessed to have a wonderful guy in my life, Qel. Despite knowing I have cancer, he is always there with me. I haven't been an easy girlfriend to him lately since I have my relapsed and the news i received on my birthday. I can never thank him enough and most of all I can never thank Allah for the life i have. My special thanks to my fiance Qel.




My special thanks to my dad, my sister Enita and my brother Izal and his wife Linda who have never stop praying for my recovery.




Sunday, March 14, 2010

Al Shirk - Associating partners with Allaah

I found this article on www.iloveAllah.com and like to share it.
We believe that Allah (swt) is Ghafirun Zanbi, the one who forgives the sin, one of his names and attributes is that he is Al Ghafur, He (swt) says,

“He is the one who forgives everything.”

But we need to study how the shirk is not subject to be forgiven unless you repent, it may be that you do a sin and you do not ask forgiveness from Allah for that, whether out of forgetfulness or laziness etc and yet Allah (swt) will forgive you anyway. But the Shirk requires something extra, it requires the Taubah.

The definition of Al Shirk is that,

“Al Shirk is to take partners for Allah (swt) or to attribute what is for Allah from his rights to something or someone else.”

Allah (swt) is the only one worthy of worship, if you offer the worship to anyone else, you become mushrik. Indeed, anything that is exclusively for Allah, you will become mushrik if you offer it to anyone else.

For example the Ibaadah is all for Allah, all the Love is for Allah, all the Raja’, the Tawakkul, the repentance is all for Allah exclusively. If you offer any of these forms of obedience to anyone else you will become mushrik and that becomes a form of taking Nadd besides Allah.

So if you attribute any of the Huquq (rights) of Allah to anyone else you become Mushrik even if you do not believe in it out of Rububiyyah. What is known among Ahl Al Sunnah Wal Jama’ah is that anyone who supplicates to anyone other than Allah for something nobody can do except Allah, he becomes Mushrik. That is because the Du’a confesses the complete ‘Ubudiyyah (devoting to worship), and complete obedience and worship for the one that you make Du’a to.

Allah (swt) forbade the Shirk because it is in itself an evil, and because included in the Shirk is a form of insulting Allah, because it is belittling Allah (swt). That insult cannot be abolished by simply changing the name of that deed, for example by calling it “tashaffu’”, he will still be Mushrik, just like the fornicator is still a fornicator if he calls it an ‘affair’ or ‘girlfriend’, whatever name he gives it he is still a fornicator, the alcohol is still alcohol even if you call it a ‘soft drink’ or ‘spirit’, the Ribaa is still interest even if you call it trade and mortgage.

Similarly, Al Hubbu lillah wa fillah, the love is all for Allah and in Allah only and can never be love alongside Allah (Ma’allah); all fear must be for Allah and can never be ‘with Allah’; arbitration is all for Allah exclusively, whatever you change the name of it to call it, legislation, seeking huquq etc will never change its Hukm, if you arbitrate to other than Allah or to another alongside Allah, you will be Mushrik.

All of these forms of worship are for none but Allah, and to do it for anyone else is from the biggest kabaa’ir; that is because it negates the purpose of all existence; Allah (swt) created everything only to worship him exclusively. Allah (swt) says,

“We created the jinn and mankind only to worship me exclusively.” [EMQ 51:56]

This sin the limit of the forgiveness (Hadd ul Maghfirah), anything that you do is subject to be forgiven even if you do not make repentance, but there are some deeds that you are obliged to make taubah for and Shirk is one of those sins, in order to be forgiven for it you must repent before you pass away or Allah will never forgive you. Allah (swt) says,

“Allah does not forgive the Shirk, but anything less than that Allah will forgive if he wishes.” [EMQ 4:115]

Allah did not permit us to approach him via the intercession of any dead people, then if someone wants to become closer to Allah via a proxy (whether Pir, saint, good person etc) that is Shirk, Allah does not accept it nor does he forgive it.

We need to know about this type of sin in order to stay away from it, (i) some of the Shirk is related to the Zaat of Allah (swt), (ii) some Shirk is associated with his names, (iii) some associated with his attributes, (iv) some associated with his actions, (v) some are associated with the worship meant for Him (swt) exclusively. Even though the person may believe in Allah (swt) he may become Mushrik in any of these ways.

Shirk is two types, Shirk Al Ta’teel and Shirk of associating with him another.

AL SHIRK AL TA’TEEL



Al Ta’teel is one of the most ugly types of Shirk, like the shirk of Fir’awn, when he denied the existence of Allah completely,

“There is no lord of the worlds.” [EMQ Shu’ara: 23]

And he said,

“O Haamaan, build for me stairs so that I can see the heavens to see if there is a god for Musa and I think he is a liar.” [EMQ Ghafir: 36-37]

Fir’awn here is making Ta’teel, every Mushrik is Mu’attil, and every Mu’attil is Mushrik. The Mu’attil is the one who denies completely that there is someone who is the creator and sustainer, denies that there is a provider, a giver and taker of life.

Anyone who claims that only Tony Blair can provide, or that only the UN can help and nobody else besides them, then that is Shirk Al Ta’teel. The one who takes all of Allah’s attributes and gives them to somebody else.

The other type of Shirk is the shirk of the majous, Non - Muslims, those who say that Allah has a son, it is the Shirk of associating with Allah another.

We have talazum between the Mushrik and the Mu’attil, every Mushrik is Mu’attil and ever Mu’attil is Mushrik. But it is not necessarily that the shirk will follow the main principle of Ta’teel. It could be that someone is mushrik but he still believes in Allah, but he makes Ta’teel in the right of Allah to be worshipped exclusively.

The Ta’teel is types, (i) Al Ta’teel of the creation from his creator, negating to attribute the creation to the creator, (ii) Al Ta’teel of the creator from His perfect names and attributes. (iii) Al Ta’teel of the actions and worship i.e. that he negates to attribute all the actions and worship to be for Allah (swt) based on the Tawheed exclusively.

Similarly the Shirk of the Sufis, those who say that the Creator and creation are the same; this is Shirk Al Ta’teel. Similarly, the Jahmies that make Ta’teel for Allah’s names and attributes are making Shirk Al Ta’teel.

SHIRK OF ASSOCIATING PARTNERS



The other type of Shirk is when someone associates with almighty Allah someone else, he never negated his rights, names or attributes but they associated with Allah someone else in those rights. Like how the Christians did not negate belief in a creator, but they associated with Allah ‘Isa and his mother Maryam. The Jews, Christians, Fire-worshippers and the Qadariyyah all have this type of Shirk.

The Qadariyyah say that the creation can create it’s own actions without Allah’s will, that even the animals create their own actions and that is why the description of the Qadariyyah is similar to the Majous.

Ibrahim (as) said to Nimrud,

“My lord gives life and takes life, He said, “I give life and take life… Ibrahim (as) said, 'My god rises the sun from east, rise it from the west if you can" and he was silent.” [EMQ 2: 258]

The shirk is to make someone similar to or equivalent to Allah (swt), like those who say that the stars and planets control everything.Some people worship many forms of false gods and they are Mushrik like those who worship the sun, moon, stars etc.

Al Shirk Al Ibaadah is a shirk that is less than Al Shirk Al Ta’teel, not less in terms of punishment, but is easier to fall into than Al Ta’teel. That is because he may believe that there is no lord but Allah and no one worthy of worship except Allah, but it may just be that his actions are not purely and sincerely for Allah’s sake alone, he could try to take something out of it for himself. Ibn hibban narrated that the prophet (saw) said,

“The shirk in this Ummah is hidden more than the footsteps of the ants.” They asked, “How can we be saved from that shirk?” he said, “Say: O my lord, I seek refuge in you from committing shirk with my knowledge and seek forgiveness in what I am not aware about.” [ibn Hibban]

That is because all forms of Riyaa’ is Shirk, Allah (swt) says,

“And do not associate with Allah in your worship anybody.” [EMQ 18: 110]

This ayah is so explicit that you could be one whom believes in laa ilaaha illallah and is Muwahhid, yet when you offer the ritual acts and transactions you do not do so sincerely for the sake of Allah exclusively.

It is not allowed to demonstrate alongside people who believe to seek help from the taghout instead of seeking the help of Allah exclusively, we cannot co-operate with people who believe they can communicate and advise the Taghout who is killing our Muslims brothers, it is not allowed to communicate with United Nations. You cannot mix your own agenda with the ritual acts.

The riyaa’ is so hidden, more so even than the footsteps of the ants, so make sure that everything you do is sincere for Allah’s sake only. Even in the transactions, you must make sure that you don’t trade except in Halal

The tawheed necessitates that all ibaadah is for Allah exclusively. Therefore any good deed or any action that is free from any riyaa’ is the one that is always surrounded by the Sunnah, make sure that everything you do is only for the sake of Allah, especially in the ibadaat.

We say that there is no one worthy to be worshipped except for Allah and that means that all the ibaadat is for him, that all the ilaahiyyah is for him (swt), that we must direct all ibadaat to him exclusively. Umar (ra) used to make dua,

"O Allah make my actions all for your sake and for your face exclusively and do not let anyone else have a share in it"

We must make sure that the deeds are all only for the sake of Allah, otherwise it will nullify the reward of the action and the person will be punished for it, especially if the action was obligatory. Because if the action was obligatory and he did not do it for the sake of Allah, it will be as if he did not do it. That is because Allah ordered us to worship him exclusively, (Al Ibaadah khaalisan lillah), Allah (swt) says

"Whoever seeks the pleasure of his lord, let him do his action sincerely for his sake, and do not associate in his ibaadah anybody"


And Allah ordered us to make it sincere for him,

"And they have been ordered to worship Allah exclusively sincerely for his sake with full submission and establish the salah and pay the zakat" [EMQ Bayyinah: 5]

The one who did not worship Allah sincerely for his sake, he did not fulfil his order, even if it looked as though he had prayed and looked as though he paid zakat, it will be as if he did not do it. In the Hadith Qudsi Allah (swt) declares,

"I am not needy for any partners, whoever does an action associating somebody else with me, I am not needy for it, it is for the one you associated with me and I am free from it."

Allah is not needy for your Salah if you pray to show off, Allah is not needy for your Zakat that you pay to be seen, nor is He needy for your Da’wah that you do for reputation, we cannot commit the riyaa’.

The Shirk Ibaadah is three divisions, we will find (i) Shirk fee Ibadah Akbar, (ii) Shirk fee Ibaadah Asghar and (iii) Shirk Ibaadah Maghfur. Shirk Akbar takes you out of the fold of Islam and cannot be forgiven unless he repents, Shirk Asghar does not take you out of the fold of Islam.

Shirk Al Ta'teel is the Shirk Akbar and cannot be forgiven unless it is repented from. Allah (swt) says,

"And from the people who take instead of Allah someone else as Andaad equal to Allah, they love them the way they Love Allah" [EMQ 2: 165]

The people of this type of shirk will say to their false ilaah on the day of judgement when they are gathered together in the hellfire,

"Tallahi, we were in clear misguidance, we made you equal to the lord of the worlds" [EMQ Shu'ara: 97]

This is one of the most ugly forms of Shirk and the other is the one that attributes to Allah to be an oppressor and the one who attributes to the slave to be the master, the one who is needy to be the provider; this type of shirk is oppression and corrupted because we take the attribute of Allah and give it to someone else and make them equivalent to Allah. Allah (swt) says,

"All glory to the one who created the heavens and the earth, the darkness and the light and yet the kuffar make with Allah equal partners." [EMQ An’am: 1]

This is among the highest forms of Shirk, that is Shirk in Almighty Allah’s Zaat, his Af’aal, his Aqwaal, his Iraadaat, in everything that belongs to Him (swt) exclusively.

The shirk in your action is when you make sujud to different than Allah (swt), to make tawaf around the white house instead of the black house, the one who shaves his head out of worship outside of its correct place (e.g. because he wants to visit someones grave), we shave our heads and slaughter in Hajj as a ritual act, that is called Tahleeq and Al Nahr, the one who shaves his head to visit a grave or for reward, it is a form of shirk.

People could commit shirk in any action that could possibly even look like Ibaadah e.g. if someone kisses a stone from the floor instead of the black stone and starts to make sujud to it, he will become Mushrik.

Allah forbade to make the graves into a masjid, even if they pray to Allah on the grave, that is not allowed. Some people will go to the grave of the person to become closer to the grave or just to pray in the graveyard or near the graves of the prophets or sheiyoukh and that is a form of Shirk itself, the prophet (saw) said,

“Allah cursed the Non Muslims because they took the graves of their prophets as a place of prayer (to Allah).”

They were cursed because they prayed to Allah at the grave, let alone to go to the grave to ask intercession and help from them! The prophet (saw) said,

"One of the most corrupted people that the hour will reach them while they are still alive are those people who take the graves as masaajid" [Bukhari]

The prophet (saw) said,

"There used to be people before you who took the graves as masjid, never take the graveyards as a masjid, I forbid you to do so."

The prophet (saw) said, "Allah cursed those women who visit the graves and those who build over the graveyard their masjid and their places where they perform their ritual acts" [Musnad Imam Ahmed and ibn Hibban]

In another narration he (saw) said,

“Allah becomes harder upon those people who take the grave of their prophet as a place of prayer.”

And in another hadith, the prophet (saw) said,

"There were people before you, whenever a good person died, they built over his grave a place of worship and started to make images, they are the most evil people in the eyes of Allah (swt)."

That is the reality for the one who prays for the sake of Allah in a masjid that was near the graveyard, let alone for the one who makes sujud to the grave itself, and the prophet (saw) said,

"O Allah do not make my grave into a wathn (idol) that people worship"

How the messenger (saw) was eager to protect the Deen and protect the Tawheed! What a great form of himayah! He even forbade us from the Salah while the sun rises even though it may be to Allah (swt) sincerely, he (saw) wants our Tawheed to be pure, free from any defection and in order not to even look like those who worships the sun.

He forbade us to pray during the sunrise and in the time when the sun is highest and when the sun is setting, that closes the door from the imitation of the kuffar. That is why there is no salah after ‘asr and after the sunrise, because that is the time when the mushrikeen would make sujud to the sun and any sujud different to Allah is forbidden, the prophet (saw) said,

“No one is allowed to make sujud to anyone besides Allah.”

It is not allowed for anybody to take anybody else as a god or to take for Allah a son, to attribute to Allah that he had a son is Shirk Akbar, Allah (swt) says,

"It is not suitable for Al Rahman to have a child." [EMQ Maryam: 2]

Allah did not permit himself to have a son, and Allah did not allow himself to teach the prophet poetry, how can someone then say that the qur'an is poetry? Allah (Swt) says,

"We did not teach him poetry, and it is not allowed for him to study poetry" [EMQ Yaasin: 69]

There is shirk also of pronunciation, you may certain words that constitutes Shirk, e.g. the one who swears by different than Allah is mushrik. the propeht (saw) said,

"Whoever makes oath by other than Allah has committed shirk" [Musnad Imam Ahmed and Abu Dawood]

Even in our speech there could occur shirk, a man said to Muhammad (saw),

"What Allah wished and what you wished" the prophet (saw) said, "Do you want to take me as partner with Allah? Say: “What Allah wished exclusively."

Similarly for those who say, "I rely on Allah and you" or they say "this is from Allah and from you" or they say, “I have nobody but Allah and you.” Or they say, "Allah is for me in the heaven and you are for me in the earth" All of these pronunciations are Shirk.

Allah (swt) explained how all of this Shirk is a sin that is outside the boundaries of the forgiveness until you repent from it in the Dunya before you pass away.


The above picture is from a Dargah in India where people worship the Dead and make donations to those who manage it. This money is only used by the people who manage it. Then why do people give them money? Does Allah told us in the Qura'n to give them money??